FH and his mom

You are definitely not alone! FH's mom is like this and I tell her she cannot do this when we're married. He's even annoyed by it. She always says, 'Wait until you have kids.' I just because my mom does not do this with me or my sister. Does that make her less of a mom, no. She's just not a nutjob!

Seriously - it's ridiculous - but in your case FH is sick of it - in my case FH does it - he calls her non stop and he'll never admit to it - but I can guarantee any time he calls me, he calls her - like it's a competition or something? It really bothers me - I just don't know how to get through to him

Your not alone at all! My FH Mom is the same way.
My FH was away last week on a vaca with a friend... she knew all about his trip before the came home.... It drives me nuts!!!

How do you make it stop?! Im afraid its going to get worse after we are married!!

How long have you been together?

Yes, FH should grow up and cut the chord, but that isnt going to change overnight. DId you know he was like this when u met him?

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Posted by Soon 2b Mrs Bev

Your not alone at all! My FH Mom is the same way.
My FH was away last week on a vaca with a friend... she knew all about his trip before the came home.... It drives me nuts!!!

How do you make it stop?! Im afraid its going to get worse after we are married!!

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I agree - I'm afraid of the same thing - same thing when FH goes away - his mom knows every freaking detail - it's ridiculous - she knows every detail of his life

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Posted by madseason

How long have you been together?

Yes, FH should grow up and cut the chord, but that isnt going to change overnight. DId you know he was like this when u met him?

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FH and I have been together like 5 years but we were long distance for a big chunk of it - so he was away from me and his mom, whereas now he's in NY by both of us - so his obsession has only started somewhat recently.

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Posted by luvFH2008

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Posted by madseason

How long have you been together?

Yes, FH should grow up and cut the chord, but that isnt going to change overnight. DId you know he was like this when u met him?

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FH and I have been together like 5 years but we were long distance for a big chunk of it - so he was away from me and his mom, whereas now he's in NY by both of us - so his obsession has only started somewhat recently.

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Its not an obsession - you said it yourself its how he was raised, by his mom. Is his mom alone? Did they only have eachother for a long time and then he moves and now hes back? Is he recently back in NY, like 3 mons or less? Might just need time. But something to work on when you guys get ready to move intogether..

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Posted by luvFH2008

Seriously - it's ridiculous - but in your case FH is sick of it - in my case FH does it - he calls her non stop and he'll never admit to it - but I can guarantee any time he calls me, he calls her - like it's a competition or something? It really bothers me - I just don't know how to get through to him

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He does it just to appease her too. I keep telling him that if she calls and neither of us answer the phone she is going to drive by our house to make sure everything is okay. He says it is because of how her family was back in the day.

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Posted by madseason

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Posted by luvFH2008

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Posted by madseason

How long have you been together?

Yes, FH should grow up and cut the chord, but that isnt going to change overnight. DId you know he was like this when u met him?

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FH and I have been together like 5 years but we were long distance for a big chunk of it - so he was away from me and his mom, whereas now he's in NY by both of us - so his obsession has only started somewhat recently.

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Its not an obsession - you said it yourself its how he was raised, by his mom. Is his mom alone? Did they only have eachother for a long time and then he moves and now hes back? Is he recently back in NY, like 3 mons or less? Might just need time. But something to work on when you guys get ready to move intogether..

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It will tone down.

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Posted by Mici n KC

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Posted by madseason

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Posted by luvFH2008

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Posted by madseason

How long have you been together?

Yes, FH should grow up and cut the chord, but that isnt going to change overnight. DId you know he was like this when u met him?

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FH and I have been together like 5 years but we were long distance for a big chunk of it - so he was away from me and his mom, whereas now he's in NY by both of us - so his obsession has only started somewhat recently.

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Its not an obsession - you said it yourself its how he was raised, by his mom. Is his mom alone? Did they only have eachother for a long time and then he moves and now hes back? Is he recently back in NY, like 3 mons or less? Might just need time. But something to work on when you guys get ready to move intogether..

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It will tone down.

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Thats what I figured, esp if everyone is just back - just give it some time!

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Posted by madseason

Its not an obsession - you said it yourself its how he was raised, by his mom. Is his mom alone? Did they only have eachother for a long time and then he moves and now hes back? Is he recently back in NY, like 3 mons or less? Might just need time. But something to work on when you guys get ready to move intogether..

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I mean his parents are together - he's just not close to his Dad - his mom is definitely more attached to FH then her husband. He's been in NY for probably 2 years now. I don't want him to be sneaking around calling his mom - so I want to approach it in a non-confrontational way - just not sure if there is any way. After marriage and even after we got engaged - he should be turning to me rather than his mom. I don't know - maybe it's how I was brought up - my parents are still in love w/ eachother after almost 30 years.

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Posted by luvFH2008

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Posted by madseason

Its not an obsession - you said it yourself its how he was raised, by his mom. Is his mom alone? Did they only have eachother for a long time and then he moves and now hes back? Is he recently back in NY, like 3 mons or less? Might just need time. But something to work on when you guys get ready to move intogether..

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I mean his parents are together - he's just not close to his Dad - his mom is definitely more attached to FH then her husband. He's been in NY for probably 2 years now. I don't want him to be sneaking around calling his mom - so I want to approach it in a non-confrontational way - just not sure if there is any way. After marriage and even after we got engaged - he should be turning to me rather than his mom. I don't know - maybe it's how I was brought up - my parents are still in love w/ eachother after almost 30 years.

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I would tell him how you're hurt he turns to her instead of you. I wouldn't bring up the calling thing with that. That is coming from her and it will tone down.

that would scare me and i probably wouldnt have gottten serious with a guy like that - but since you already have its kind of hard to just make his relationship with his mom stop or change - im sure you've known about his relationship with his mom the whole time you've been together and for him and his mom this has become normal and its just their relationship (and its probably been that way for years - long before he met you) - i would imagine that its kind of hard to break those habits because for them its normal and its what they are used to - im sure a few things can be worked on like the 5 phone calls a day and him telling her every detail regarding the two of you but i think your FH and his mom are always going to have a really close relationship and its something your going to have to deal with - otherwise they both might resent you if you give any kind of ultimatims (spelling?) i think there has to be a way to work things out so that you, your FH and his mom are all happy - and i really think that can be accomplished you just have to talk it out with him....good luck

ets: the first line of what i said didnt come out right - i think that b/c my family is not that close and kind of dysfunctional, strong parental relationships tend to scare me away because its not what im used to - so dating a guy with a really close relationship with his parents or parent would scare me away (its actually a fact, because it did!)

it is nice that they have a very close relationship but somethings need to come to a hault- unfortunately changes wont happen overnight but in time he will have to realize that you are a part of his family as well and he has to cut down on the phone calls because that will always be her expectations of her son.... when speaking to him he may even get upset and not even realize how uncomfortable it is making you.. this is still new to him so the compromise will come in time
I hope everything will work out in the long run for you

I can relate somewhat. My FH was also raised pretty much by his mom because his dad had a lot of problems and eventually they divorced. He is still close with his dad now, but his mother is his best friend. I am very close with her also, she is an amazing woman, but sometimes I feel I am competing with her. She doesn't do it on purpose, and she feels bad for me and tries to get him to break away, but it's hard for him. She is alone in the house and he worries about her all the time. I can understand it, but it is also VERY annoying. We only live one minute away from her. Literally 3 blocks away. ANYWAY- it took my a looooong time to get him to leave her house and move in with me. It was a very difficult transition and we were both miserable for the first few months. He has gotten used to it, though, and it's so much better. He still goes over there a lot and does a lot for her, but I only look at it positively. Just think, he will make an amazing husband and father when he is worrying about you this way.

Now, the next step is talking him out of building a house in her backyard (he seriously wants to do this )
She has a HUGE amount of property, and we would be knocking down her house and building a smaller one for her and a nice big one for us. But- it's in her backyard. We shall see.

Give it time. It's no easy feat to pull them away from mommy. It takes time and ALOT of patience. Take baby steps.

Good Luck!!!

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Posted by luvFH2008

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Posted by madseason

Its not an obsession - you said it yourself its how he was raised, by his mom. Is his mom alone? Did they only have eachother for a long time and then he moves and now hes back? Is he recently back in NY, like 3 mons or less? Might just need time. But something to work on when you guys get ready to move intogether..

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I mean his parents are together - he's just not close to his Dad - his mom is definitely more attached to FH then her husband. He's been in NY for probably 2 years now. I don't want him to be sneaking around calling his mom - so I want to approach it in a non-confrontational way - just not sure if there is any way. After marriage and even after we got engaged - he should be turning to me rather than his mom. I don't know - maybe it's how I was brought up - my parents are still in love w/ eachother after almost 30 years.

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oh.....ok then....the background is helpful - and I agree with what many of the girls have said already - you should really just point blank sit him down nicely and tell him how hurt you are. Have you done that already? You are right - 100% right he should be turning to you. Theres nothing wrong with calling mom every once and a while, but you are becoming his wife.