Hello - so question for the girls out there - just want to make sure I'm not over thinking this - FH has been kind of raised solely by his mom since he's not close w/ his dad. His relationship with his mom has become a little over the top - I can pretty much guarantee he talks to his mom like 5 times a day - tells her every detail of his day and our time together, and calls her to make sure he gets places ok (when I'm dropping him there) - I don't get it - I think it's crazy - I know I will def. get pissed when we're living together and if he were to behave like this. Even when we're together for a couple of hours - he calls her to see what she's upto. I feel like either FH's mom should be like - listen live your life and start letting go of me or FH should understand on his own. Any insight into this would be great - am I alone?
SusiBtoM
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Re: FH and his mom
That's a real tough one. My DH was raised by his mom alone and they do have a very close relationship. MIL and I have a great relationship. DH talks with her every couple of days and she is fine with that. I call her too once in a while to see how she;s doing. By the way, my husband is 45 and my MIL is 83.
Your FH's case sounds excessive, bordering on insecurity. How old is he ? It will not change on its own. You need to sit with your FH and discuss this before you get married. Your MIL does not need to know every little detail of your day, nor does she need to know every little detail of your married life. You guys need some privacy. You've got your hands full trying to cut those apron strings. Good luck.
MaggieLuvsJoe
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Re: FH and his mom
well I don't think this relationship will change once you are married so if it bother you a little you should talk to FH now and let him know that it bothers you
tmarie
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Re: FH and his mom
This is hard, but I want to be honest. This relationship will not change after the wedding. Your fiance will not change after the wedding. If you think this will change because you are married you are kidding yourself and it may cause further problems. Some men fear commitment because they think after they get married things will change, well it really shouldn't have to be. What you see should be what you are getting. If you feel like this is an issue tell him now. But unless it is interferring with your daily decisions, what do you care if he checks in on his mother. It shows he is considerate and hopefully one day our children will check in on us. If you say let's order chinese for dinner and he says let me check with my mom, then girl, you've got a problem. But from what you say in your post, it's just reassurances or a close freindship of telling her his day. Most of all don't hide your felings about this, and don't wait until after the wedding. It is a sensitive subject, these family things. be careful. We are here for you.
autumnbride10
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Re: FH and his mom
Posted by tmarie
This is hard, but I want to be honest. This relationship will not change after the wedding. Your fiance will not change after the wedding. If you think this will change because you are married you are kidding yourself and it may cause further problems. Some men fear commitment because they think after they get married things will change, well it really shouldn't have to be. What you see should be what you are getting. If you feel like this is an issue tell him now. But unless it is interferring with your daily decisions, what do you care if he checks in on his mother. It shows he is considerate and hopefully one day our children will check in on us. If you say let's order chinese for dinner and he says let me check with my mom, then girl, you've got a problem. But from what you say in your post, it's just reassurances or a close freindship of telling her his day. Most of all don't hide your felings about this, and don't wait until after the wedding. It is a sensitive subject, these family things. be careful. We are here for you.
I agree 100%....I had a similar situation with an ex, and it was not something I could personally live with. Be careful, discuss it , and hopefully it will all work out.
bluegreen08
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Re: FH and his mom
Posted by tmarie
This is hard, but I want to be honest. This relationship will not change after the wedding. Your fiance will not change after the wedding. If you think this will change because you are married you are kidding yourself and it may cause further problems. Some men fear commitment because they think after they get married things will change, well it really shouldn't have to be. What you see should be what you are getting. If you feel like this is an issue tell him now. But unless it is interferring with your daily decisions, what do you care if he checks in on his mother. It shows he is considerate and hopefully one day our children will check in on us. If you say let's order chinese for dinner and he says let me check with my mom, then girl, you've got a problem. But from what you say in your post, it's just reassurances or a close freindship of telling her his day. Most of all don't hide your felings about this, and don't wait until after the wedding. It is a sensitive subject, these family things. be careful. We are here for you.
I totally agree with this post . It wont change after the wedding, and if it bothers you you need to talk to your FH.
I was a little worried about my FH because back in college his mom still did his laundry (he lived on campus or in an apt, and she worked nearby, so he would drop it off and she'd bring it back clean and folded ). However, when he moved in with me our apt has a washer/dryer so he learned how to do his own laundry
I might be similar to your FH. I am very very close with my grandma. I don't get to see her often since I'm away for school, but I call her every day on my way to school (I put the phone in my lap on speaker). Everyone else is at work or school, and she's usually free. We have a lot in common and she helps de-stress me, so I'd rather talk to her than listen to the radio. She also watches all of the same shows as me so we'll talk about Idol, Project Runway, our trips to Trader Joes, etc. I called her again last night when I was with FH because the mandarin chicken she told me to buy was the free sample of the day at TJs.
I don't let her control my life, but I do talk to her regularly. Hopefully you and your FH can find a balance
MOB08
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Re: FH and his mom
I would agree that this relationship should greatly concern you. It sounds very excessive and I don't think that it will easily change. HIs mother sounds to be a little obsessed with her son and what goes on in his life. Maybe she can get some interests of her own (but I'm very doubtful of this). I think it would be advisable to have a heart to heart with your FH, but since this is the type of relationship he has had with her for a long time, I don't see it easily changing. Perhaps some counseling where you would have a unbiased third person discussing these issues might be helpful. Good luck!
Reymiliz
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Re: FH and his mom
lol.... have u ever seen the movie MONSTER IN LAW .....
your jlo in that movie .... hahahah he needs to stopp being a mamas boy and realize that soon you guys will have a life together ... 5 Times a week to talk maybe but A DAY is a bit much
FutureMrsCarrieri
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Re: FH and his mom
my ex's mom was a horrible horrible woman and he couldn't get enough -- constant phone calls and emails. His mom even looked a little like Sandra Bullock and my ex was in LOVE with Sandra Bullock --- eeeeewwwwwww
MrsJ08
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Re: FH and his mom
No you are not alone, since FHs father passed away when he was a kid, he took over the 'man of the house' roll. He also lives with his 2 Aunts (FH's Fathers sisters) so I have like 3 MIL's lol... but its all good...he calls them a few times a day to make sure they are ok, and if they took their medicine lol. I find it to be cute, and shows how respectful he is to his family, I also tease him about it too. They always say, a man who treats his mother good will treat his wife even better. I don't think he will change, just hang in there I am sure it will grow on you and you will get more used to it.
BoxOfRocks
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Re: FH and his mom
I agree with the pps that if it bothers you now, you need to talk with him about it. Ditto on the premarital counseling--a neutral third party would be good to include in this discussion.
redvelvet
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Re: FH and his mom
Posted by tmarie
This is hard, but I want to be honest. This relationship will not change after the wedding. Your fiance will not change after the wedding. If you think this will change because you are married you are kidding yourself and it may cause further problems. Some men fear commitment because they think after they get married things will change, well it really shouldn't have to be. What you see should be what you are getting. If you feel like this is an issue tell him now. But unless it is interferring with your daily decisions, what do you care if he checks in on his mother. It shows he is considerate and hopefully one day our children will check in on us. If you say let's order chinese for dinner and he says let me check with my mom, then girl, you've got a problem. But from what you say in your post, it's just reassurances or a close freindship of telling her his day. Most of all don't hide your felings about this, and don't wait until after the wedding. It is a sensitive subject, these family things. be careful. We are here for you.
this is so true.
i thought i had a mama's boy!!! fh is very close to his mom. we had a few speedbumps to go over at 1st. our plans would get screwed b/c he was taking her somewhere and she took longer than he expected...but this was like every time and i had to speak to him. i told him he could do things for and with his mother but he needs to tell her that he cant take her for a tour of the city if we have plans . the key is discussing it now not later. HTH
