FH and I are in a disagreement (name change)

So my FH and I are in a disagreement of me changing my name! So I would like to hypenate it with Kimberly (my madien name - his last name)
please tell me what you think, be HONEST.

Do you believe that it is not really marriage with out the name change?
Do you think people who do not drop their name are scared of commitment?
Do you believe you can keep you name and still have a good marriage?

i wanted to keep my name for business reasons.. but then i was like you kno what.. i will be a ramos business or not...

im going all the way...

I have found that this is a major blow to a guys ego......they take ALOT of offense tot his....

BUT...

We are changing something that is part of our identity...who we are and always have been since we were born.

I am going to hyphenate...

FH doesnt know....

honestly. i will be changing my name out of respect for FH and his family and i cant wait to be a family and share a name

i think its kind of disrespectful to his family to keep my name. . . i am old fashioned that way though
not a fan of hyphenating either

but as long as FH doesnt mind i feel that you should do whatever makes you happy. . .i know that personally my FH would NEVER stand for me not taking his name

EDIT to answer questions:

Do you believe that it is not really marriage with out the name change?
*no i think it is still marriage!

Do you think people who do not drop their name are scared of commitment?
*never thought of it like that but it makes sense now that i think of it!

Do you believe you can keep you name and still have a good marriage?
*of course - as long as you both make a decision together!

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Posted by Kimbalina

Do you believe that it is not really marriage with out the name change? NOOOOOOOOO
Do you think people who do not drop their name are scared of commitment? NOOOOOOOOO
Do you believe you can keep you name and still have a good marriage? YESSSSSSS

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It's all personal preference. Sounds silly but I can understand that this is a hot topic for you two. Why don't you make a list of all the reasons you want to hyphenate and have him do the same for why you should take only his name.

I bet you'll find that his reasons are mostly due to insecurity. Then you can work on showing him that your love will still remain as strong as it is... regardless of the name issue.

I have been reading the poll results and comments to him, he is sitting here with me. I am so glad that I am talking to him and not just letting it go.

Thank you for the comments so far, it really is helping

My FH has a definite view on this also. He thinks I'm just being hard headed (which I'm notorious for)

I wanted to hyphenate my name for work purposes as I'm a social worker w/ MANY people who will need to contact me. I have clients that I haven't spoken to in 6 months that will call and ask for me . My agency changes its numbers and offices so often that if someone was to call for Ms. X and I'm now Mrs. Z they might never find me.

I think it is a fair compromise to be Mrs. X-Z only from 9-5pm and Mrs. Z in my private and everyday life. I don't feel as though it makes for a less solid marriage.

IMO: A marriage is a commitment made to be with one another, the name change is simply tradition.

i think it is personal preference.

Personally, I am changing it, Im more traditional.

I do not like Hyphonating.

1. In my experience everyone i know that hyphens is refered to as their married name.

2. I hate when kids have hyphened names, as a teacher it drives me nuts,esp if it doesnt FLOW. and it drives me crazy to call a parent with one too.

I have friends who are Dr.s and kept their last name for their degrees but they are refered to as their married name.

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Posted by jgl

i think it is personal preference.

Personally, I am changing it, Im more traditional.

I do not like Hyphonating.

1. In my experience everyone i know that hyphens is refered to as their married name.

2. I hate when kids have hyphened names, as a teacher it drives me nuts,esp if it doesnt FLOW. and it drives me crazy to call a parent with one too.

I have friends who are Dr.s and kept their last name for their degrees but they are refered to as their married name.

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I guess I should also add that my name is my mom's maiden name, I never knew my dad and never took his name. My mom was married almost 20 years ago and I was AGAINST ever taking my step dads name and never did. I have a strong bond to my grandpa and I want to have that part of me. I think I am going to talk to him and see if he thinks I am being silly.

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Posted by Kimbalina

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Posted by jgl

i think it is personal preference.

Personally, I am changing it, Im more traditional.

I do not like Hyphonating.

1. In my experience everyone i know that hyphens is refered to as their married name.

2. I hate when kids have hyphened names, as a teacher it drives me nuts,esp if it doesnt FLOW. and it drives me crazy to call a parent with one too.

I have friends who are Dr.s and kept their last name for their degrees but they are refered to as their married name.

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I guess I should also add that my name is my mom's maiden name, I never knew my dad and never took his name. My mom was married almost 20 years ago and I was AGAINST ever taking my step dads name and never did. I have a strong bond to my grandpa and I want to have that part of me. I think I am going to talk to him and see if he thinks I am being silly.

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while you are discussing it you should decide what to name your children - if you have them. my sister in law goes by her maiden name but their daughter has my brother's last name

Fh doesn't care if I change it or not. The only think he asked of me is to not hyphenate. He's a banker and sees all the time the complications it causes with paperwork and legal documents. I was planning on hyphenating but now I plan on changing it.

You should do what you feel you want. Somepeople think if they change their name they lose a part of themselves...IDK....Im so taking his name its AMORE>...Only reason im marrying him.

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Posted by madseason

I have found that this is a major blow to a guys ego......they take ALOT of offense tot his....

BUT...

We are changing something that is part of our identity...who we are and always have been since we were born.

I am going to hyphenate...

FH doesnt know....

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At first I didn't want to change my name and FH did take offense to it. In the end it's the women's choice. After all it's her identity and she's the one who will have to do all the paperwork.

We did discuss the children issue and if we eer decide to have kids, they would take his last name.
I didnt know about the issues for hypenating your name... Is it just an annoyance, or is it actually legal non-binding? or something like that

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Posted by Kimbalina

We did discuss the children issue and if we eer decide to have kids, they would take his last name.
I didnt know about the issues for hypenating your name... Is it just an annoyance, or is it actually legal non-binding? or something like that

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An annoyance. Many times women don't change their name on all documents and such, sometimes they switch to the hyphenated name but never legally make the change. As long as you legally change your name you are fine.

I'm going to change to his name... i'll be going from the least common last name to one of the most common ones! I'm excited about it! I will have to change my name on my degree though... i'll be getting my doctor of pharmacy degree and my pharmacy lisence 3 months before the wedding... I actually never looked into how to change that! Maybe I'll leave them alone??

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Posted by Luvbsb4eva

I'm going to change to his name... i'll be going from the least common last name to one of the most common ones! I'm excited about it! I will have to change my name on my degree though... i'll be getting my doctor of pharmacy degree and my pharmacy lisence 3 months before the wedding... I actually never looked into how to change that! Maybe I'll leave them alone??

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I'm getting my doctor of pharmacy degree this May!!!!! yay pharmacists!