FH *bangs head against wall*

I was on the phone with my Mom just now, going over the people who have yet to respond to the invites.

At the end of the conversation, she asks if my FH already has a bachelor party planned. I said no, that he's embarrassed to talk to his friends about it (like he's asking them to do it & pay for it) so he's not going to have one.

She said my father came up with the idea of having him, my FH, 2 brother in laws, FFIL, and FH's friends go to a cigar bar in the area.

My FH does not have as outgoing personality as I do (or my family does) and it takes him time to form relationships. So it means even more to me that my Dad thought to plan this for him. My Mother said it's a really nice way to welcome him to the family.

So I called my FH to see if he can get his friends together on Memorial Day weekend and he gets all pissy about it! He said he doesn't even want one, that that's not his 'thing', that he doesn't 'do' that.

BULL****! I don't know how he thinks he can get away with telling me such a wild exaggeration, we've been together 7 years. I know this is BS and we have actually gone to a cigar bar together, with my co-workers once or twice.

I said, 'So instead of seeing this as a nice way for you to be welcomed to my family, you see it as an annoyance?' He said no. I said fine, you think about it and if you want to do it, ask John (his co-worker/friend) if he can make it. I changed the subject to tell him something else and got off the phone as quickly as possible.

I was just so touched that my Dad wanted to do this for him and he turned that happiness right around to the other extreme.

Sometimes men really suck.

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Posted by October Bliss

Sounds to me that just like he is too embarrased to ask his friends, he feels embarrased that your family is willing to do this for him

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Agreed. Maybe it's not that he's ungrateful, maybe he's embarrassed that because no one is talking about his bachelor party, and he feels bad that your family will throw him one? I'm not sure, just throwing things out there. Maybe you can talk to him later, when things calm down a bit?

So you mean I'm not the only one who experiences the knee-jerk negativity from their FH all the time?

He was mostly embarassed about his friends because they're more casual friends than best friends and they didn't offer to throw him one. So it's like since they didn't ask, then if he does, that he's asking them to handle the whole thing. I'm sure pride has something to do with it also.

After me posting here about how his parents are so uninterested in the wedding, and how he knows that it upsets me, you would think he'd have the brains to realize what this really is. That it's that kind of acceptance and thoughtfulness that we aren't getting from his side of the family.

Or is he just thick in the head like most men?

I can actually sort of relate b/c I got freaked out when I found out about my bachlorette party, even though I knew my SIL was planning it. I'm from upstate and similar to your Fh have friends here but no one very close so I felt like I was forcing everyone to plan/attend my party & felt embarassed about it. It turns out we all had an amazing time and it brought me even closer to a lot of my husbands family.
His reaction sounds like something I will do..I bet he'll come around and have a great time!

You were right, he came around.

By the time I picked him up from work, he had re-thought it and decided he was ok with it.

I didn't jump all over him about it, I just asked him if he understands what a gesture this is. He said yes.

Once we got home, we talked about it some more and I told him that I wished I had the same relationship with his mother as he does with my father. He said he was sorry and he overreacted.

I just wish he wouldn't always initially respond with negativity. It makes me not want to even bring stuff like this up. I have to learn to go back to what I used to do. I would 'plant the seed' as I call it, just a comment in passing, and then a few days later bring it up again as if it was his idea. And it usually works.

that was a nice idea but men do suck sometimes. maybe he is more embarressed than anything else and feels he cant be imself withtthe dads there ya know


good luck and don' t worry we are all here for you

Aww thanks sweetie!

He actually decided to not invite 2 of his friends, in favor of hanging out with family. He said he can be more himself with my Dad and BIL's. A good thing, to be sure.

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Posted by greenfreak

Aww thanks sweetie!

He actually decided to not invite 2 of his friends, in favor of hanging out with family. He said he can be more himself with my Dad and BIL's. A good thing, to be sure.

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I can totally relate to this whole situation my FH is like that too when it comes to stuff like this the first repsonse is negativity ..... which can be frustrating. I am glad that it all worked out. They do make you want to bang your head sometimes !!

Who needs to have children? I've got my FH. I swear, that's what it's like sometimes.

He spends a lot of time with all our nieces and nephews whenever the whole family gets together. Last weekend I said to my sister, 'Isn't it nice that our children get a long so well?'

Even so, last night before we went to bed, I just looked at him for a minute. And I know, with all of it, our faults and all, that we're so perfect for each other. I would never want anyone else.