He told me we can't afford to get an apartment after we get married, and will have to live where he's living now, which is with his brother, sister, and niece.
We got into a big fight about it because it was not what we had planned for, and he acted as though I already knew about this. There is absolutely no privacy in that house. HIs room is in the basement where the washer/dryer are, and is the only way to get outside to the driveway. I get along great with his family, but I know once I live with them they're going to drive me nuts! He says it's for a month, but I'm scared that it's going to be for a longer period of time.
I'm so upset. Living here also means that I have to leave my dog behind with my parents. His landlord doesn't allow pets. I know many people think it's silly that I'm stressing about my dog, but he's the closest thing to a child that I have! I feel so depressed now. Silly me envisioned the three of us in a new apartment and starting a new life once we got married.
ETA: Would it be too weird if I decided to stay home with my parents and dog until we find a place? It will supposedly be for a month, his lease is up in October anyway (but he said that last year too and ended up re-signing because his brother and sister didn't look hard enough for a new place).
LauraluvsSean
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
i also dont think it would be temporary...that really sux!
netsirk10
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
that really stinks! could he maybe come stay with you at your parents so that you won't have to leave your dog? I know it is not ideal but it might be a better alternative.
whispersamethyst
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
I tried convincing him of that, but he threw that idea out the window. He thinks there's less privacy in my house than his because my parents are there.
LauraluvsSean
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
Posted by whispersamethyst
I tried convincing him of that, but he threw that idea out the window. He thinks there's less privacy in my house than his because my parents are there.
hes right about that...parents kill it most of the time. thats why i moved out as soon as i was accepted to college...
just curious - why cant he afford to move out? do you and him have separate jobs? does he not earn enough $$ to rent an apt? is the combined income from your job and his job too low? or is he still a student ?
whispersamethyst
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
We ended up going over budget on the wedding. He says we don't have enough to pay the 3 month deposit that most places want you to give when you move in. Plus he still has to help his brother and sister pay the last month's bills because he pays the larger percentage of the rent and bills in the house.
I tried telling him that I rather cancel the wedding and do something in city hall than have no place to call our own when we get married. But he says he wants the wedding and doesn't want to change that.
20mrsc10
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
if you find something without a broker you only need 2 months-were in the process of signing papers now for a move in date of june 1-we'll give them 2600 now, and then won't have to pay again until july 1, where it will be 1300 from then on...
i understand about the dog-i could never leave mine
netsirk10
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
what about the money you will be getting from the wedding (gifts)? that could be used towards paying the 3 month deposit.
whispersamethyst
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
While planning our budget, FH included the money that we would be getting from the wedding as part of it... even though I said we shouldn't since we can't possibly know how much we're getting.
20mrsc10
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
is there anyway to scale back on things a lil?
iHeartMoogle
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
Can you try to find something that is an illegal apartment? Those usually cost less and could help you guys save more for an apartment the following year. Regardless, I would stay home with your parents. It will force him to move out of the apartment he shares with his family because he'll want to be with you. And you'll be able to stay with your dog. It's only a month -- and you can use it to pack all of your stuff, get ready, search for apts, etc.
elp6421
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
This really stinks!! I hope you can find some extra $$ in the budget to move out but in the meantime i think you do have to move in with him. You cannot get married and then move back to your parents. It's just not the way to start out. (not that moving in with a house full of people is exactly how you wanted it either..)
SoonToBeMrsCampos
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awww im so sorry. that's terrible!! i could never leave my puppies behind, they are my babies so i know what you mean..
jackieee
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
I would cut back on some wedding stuff.
DO you both work full time? Start saving NOW for an apt. Use your wedding gifts. You might not have to pay 3 months. I always had to do either first and last (2 months), or first, last and security (3).
I wouldnt leave my dog.
jackieee
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
Oh, and we are date twins! You still have some time before the wedding. Start a separate savings now for the apt.
Cut back on any upgrades!!
Also, I wouldn't live separately that first month
AwaitingAugust
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
i would try to scale back the things you went over-budget on. Maybe you can speak with your florist and use cheaper flowers? or if you booked an extra at the RH, cancel it?
if not, then i'd agree to live with him for one month, but at the end of that month, i'd move back to my parents' house with the puppy ... that should show him you're serious
whispersamethyst
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
Thanks girls! We're going to try to cut back as much as we can. We already have been, but it's still not enough. I told FH to forget about doing a honeymoon, but somehow for that he can try to make something work
I tried compromising with him and told him maybe we can alternate between houses every week, which he said okay to. But I know he's just saying that now to calm me down because I was hysterically crying yesterday. Now instead of looking forward to end of these next four months, I find myself dreading it. I don't know how I'm going to enjoy myself at the wedding knowing that it's going to be the day I leave my dog behind, or the day where I'm supposed to be married yet not necessarily living with my husband. This really sux
JAAMS
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
Could you maybe look into an illegal apartment? You aren't going to need to give them 3 months rent, but if you find something small it will be a lot cheaper.
I would not suggest alternating weeks... FH & I did that for awhile when we first started dating, and it was absolute hell.
NovBride10
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Re: FH dropped a bomb on me today
You still have some time to save money. Can you possibly get a second job just until you have enough money? When I was low on money, I worked my full time job during the day, and waitressed at night. I made a good amount of money pretty quickly, and then i quit. I know it's hard but it will be worth it in the end.
