FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

pjc92980 Posted: May 19, 2011 02:12 PM

FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

One of the groomsmen broke up with his gf about 2 months ago and said to FH 'since i am not bringing GF, can i bring my brother?' (FH is friendly with his brother - they see each other once a month or every other month and i met him maybe 2 times)...FH said YES!!!
He told me this and I FLIPPED
We guaranteed 200 people and hoped to be right at that number. We came up with our list of 245 which i thought was perfect but then my mom and grandmother added in people and we are now at 270. My mom is paying for a majority of it so clearly i am not telling them to limit their guest-list and FH sent out STDs already to everyone so therefore we cant cut back either. But we can cut back on cases like this, esp since his invite doesnt say 'and guest'
FH is giving me a hard time about telling him not to bring his brother. Should i cave and just let him bring him or stand my ground??? We had the invites addressed after he broke up with his GF, and before he mentioned bringing his brother so the invite is only made out to him (no 'and guest')

I am also pretty certain we will have 2 more of his friends aask about brining dates bc as of 2 weeks ago they just started seeing someone...and i want to stand my ground with that too

edit: also wanted to mention that even though we counted his groomsmen in with a date, we counted out his grandparents and recently found out they will be coming PLUS 2 health care aids - so that is 4 additional people we counted out.

just seems we are going to have way too many people and i know its better than being short and paying for empty seats but it all adds up $$$$

adelz Posted: May 19, 2011 02:19 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Since he was already going to bring a guest, I think that's okay that it's his brother instead of his gf. Either way, he was bringing someone this was it's just not a girl We had a guest do this also and it was totally fine - since we asked them to bring a guest which could be whomever they chose.

ColliMac23 Posted: May 19, 2011 02:24 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Whats more important to you? What you do for one you do for all. Personally I believe they should all have guests. What you have to remember is that not everyone is going to say yes. Maybe if he asks just say that you will let them know guest list is rather big and you will let them know when you have figured everything else out. So if your under they can if your really that over they can't

AugustFeather Posted: May 19, 2011 02:25 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Posted by adelz

Since he was already going to bring a guest, I think that's okay that it's his brother instead of his gf. Either way, he was bringing someone this was it's just not a girl We had a guest do this also and it was totally fine - since we asked them to bring a guest which could be whomever they chose.

ITA! In the long run... this could effect his friendship by retracting a +1 invitation. I would let it go and not worry if you can

rosatemp Posted: May 19, 2011 02:41 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Posted by adelz

Since he was already going to bring a guest, I think that's okay that it's his brother instead of his gf. Either way, he was bringing someone this was it's just not a girl We had a guest do this also and it was totally fine - since we asked them to bring a guest which could be whomever they chose.

ITA

Jmrosa1 Posted: May 19, 2011 02:45 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Posted by rosatemp

Posted by adelz

Since he was already going to bring a guest, I think that's okay that it's his brother instead of his gf. Either way, he was bringing someone this was it's just not a girl We had a guest do this also and it was totally fine - since we asked them to bring a guest which could be whomever they chose.

ITA

Agreed. As far as the ones that just started dating people, I would not give in to these. Our rule was unless you are married or in a long term relationship you are not getting a date.

ImgonnabeMrsC Posted: May 19, 2011 02:49 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

I don't think it's a big deal either. Actually two of our single. Guy friends are going together lol we just sent one invite as a joke

pjc92980 Posted: May 19, 2011 03:22 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

ok i guess ill tell him ok...
BUT his invite does not say 'and guest'....

itbroi805 Posted: May 19, 2011 03:43 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

honestly i would just give in. You already thought he was bringing someone so it's not like it's adding to your number.

Moonmist09 Posted: May 19, 2011 04:02 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

well, since he was going to be bringing his girlfriend - you guys already knew he would be counting as 2 people so you can't really complain that he wants to bring a different person instead.
stand your ground on the other 2 people and any others who may want to bring people from now on

smilesjc81 Posted: May 19, 2011 05:40 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

well it's a groomsman .. so consider it a gift to him it's just a date 'exchange' really, dont let it stress you, at this point, whats the difference who he brings?

GOOD LUCK!

IrishAli Posted: May 19, 2011 06:43 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

It doesn't seem like a huge deal....I'd count it as a date exchange and leave it at that

NYtherapist Posted: May 19, 2011 06:47 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

I have an issue with adults being invited to weddings without guests. Putting my own feelings aside, I'd leave it alone if I were you. As many already mentioned, you thought he was bringing someone. Also, he's not just a guest, but part of your wedding party. Who knows, he and his girlfriend may reconcile by the time of the wedding.

Soon2bMrsB91511 Posted: May 19, 2011 08:48 PM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Eh, I would just let it go. I personally think that it ought to be understood that + 1 means 'a date' and that the only time it's ok to bring someone of the same gender is if you're in a same-sex relationship.

Nevertheless, my FH is sitting next to me reading this post and brought up a very good pt: better his brother, who at least FH knows, than some random girl he picked up at a bar!

HSsweethearts Posted: May 20, 2011 11:16 AM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

I would just let it go. Maybe having just broken up with his gf, the wedding will be hard for him.

I invited 2 people, a mother and a daughter. The mother is married but bringing her grandson, the the daughter us unmarried, bringing her nephew, so the 2 brothers I don't know will be their dates. They will be at a table full of mostly people they know. I thought it was somewhat weird, but I don't really mind.

You might be surprised about your RSVP counts. I thought I would be WAY over my minimum and now I am going to be way under. Don't sweat one person, esp since it's a groomsman and someone obviously very special to you. He could have decided to start dating some really skanky rebound girl, so it's probably better he's bringing his brother.

DANAnPATRICK Posted: May 20, 2011 11:34 AM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511

Eh, I would just let it go. I personally think that it ought to be understood that + 1 means 'a date' and that the only time it's ok to bring someone of the same gender is if you're in a same-sex relationship.

Nevertheless, my FH is sitting next to me reading this post and brought up a very good pt: better his brother, who at least FH knows, than some random girl he picked up at a bar!

ITA

FutureMrsJC Posted: May 20, 2011 11:57 AM

Re: FH has a big mouth...am I wrong to react this way...

I can totally see your point, since by the time you had the invitations printed up you were only expecting 1 - not 2 (so it actually isn't an exchange). That said, since the offer has now been extended, I would just leave it. We had to take back an offer to someone about something else for the wedding and it caused some problems. It's not really worth it! But I would establish with your FH that he should not do that again!