FH here and no idea what to do....

My cousins had a similar situation. One boy, one girl...straight up Italian parents. The boy got married in May and the girl got married in July. They both got the spot light, it turned out to be kind of nice because they got to plan things together.

I would be upset if I were you. If your sister knows how your parents are then maybe she's doing it on purpose. I know my brother constantly fights for the attention of my parents. He's married and his second kid is due any day now. I'm waiting to see what he does to take the spotlight away from me through my whole engagment process.

Try talking your sister into getting married in 2011.

I think you need to talk to your sister. Remind her that it isn't only an inconvienience for you and your fiance but also for all your extended family. To have to go to back to back weddings for siblings is hard on people.

Remember it is not only the wedding. Their showers will be close, rehersal dinners, bachelor/bachelorette parties.

I honestly think what your sister is doing is wrong and it should be addressed now. If there is ANY possible way to move your wedding up I would.

i would say something, you girls are going to be having half the same people at each wedding (and shower for that matter) and having your wedding 2-3 months apart is really going to put a strain on your guests (both financially and for out of towners).... i would say at LEAST 6 months, this is what happened to me and fh, we got enagaged set our date the fsil got enaged wanted to get married in 2010 as well so shes in april and im in november, and its a good enough time lapse but the guests from greece from fh's side now have to split up, half will come to her and half to ours

and shes not even engaged yet, she should understand.... 6 months before or after wont kill anyone.. youll both be married in the end, just calmly explain to her what the situation is

good luck!!!

Honestly if someone said to me you cant have you wedding when you want it I would tell them to go to He!!. I think you have to deal with the situation. You havent booked you date and you cant say I want to have the entire summer free from other events.

Think about it the other way around if you sister came to you and asked you to wait I really dont think you'd be happy about it. As long as the the 2 wedding arent the same month then it will all work out.

Im may be one of the few odd people out, but I dont think it would be bad to have both your weddings close to one another.

It is a blessing, and, it really depends on your relationship with your sister. If it bothers you, you should definately talk to your sister and maybe have your wedding first in the early summer, and have your sister do her wedding in the later summer.

I dont think that you can really tell her when to have her wedding, but hopefully she will understand your point of view and may want to make it easier on your parents and family financially for having the weddings so close.

I would bring up the fact that since your parents and family will be coming for both your weddings the further apart your weddings are, the better gifts you will both get since people can spend more if the weddings are bit further apart.

HTH

I agree. talk to your sister. Honestly, explain that it would benefit her not to get married at the same time as you, bc the family is less inclined to be as excited for her as well. It's just the way the economy is right now.

If you out it that way, I bet you she changes her mind pretty fast!

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Posted by alli3131

Honestly if someone said to me you cant have you wedding when you want it I would tell them to go to He!!. I think you have to deal with the situation. You havent booked you date and you cant say I want to have the entire summer free from other events.

Think about it the other way around if you sister came to you and asked you to wait I really dont think you'd be happy about it. As long as the the 2 wedding arent the same month then it will all work out.

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ITA! U cannot do that to ur sister. I have been engaged for 2yrs, and my brother just got engaged and his wedding is on Saturday, this saturday, March 20th! But i was pissed at first (b/c he is an attention seeker too) but I got over it b/c FH and I do not have a set date, or a set hall yet. So both of u (u and sis) r stil up in the air, and if ur fiance has an issue with it, she just has to get over it. Sorry to sound harsh but this is petty, it is not like they r stealing ur wedding date, they r just having it a couple of months b4 u.

Hey everyone,

Thank you so much for your responses and input. I really appreciate it and I gotta admit I was a little hesitant about posting on here since I'm the FH and not the B2B.I tend to wanna be more involved with everything and I like being on the same page as my B2B. We already have an agreement that when we do get married I'll do all the cooking and she loads the dishwasher. LOL But seriously, everyone has been great and it's really helped to gimme more of an indication what really bothers me about this situation.

It doesnt bother me that she is getting married before me. I have no issue with that at all. If she wants to get married in June 2011 and I get married July 2012 that's fine but that's not what she is planning. What bothers me is that it is 2 months before our wedding. I understand how it can be said that we don't 'officially' have a date set because we haven't booked the hall for that date but our date has been known to her and our immediate family for some time now. I don't want to tell her what she can or can't do but I know this isn't going to be the fun lets all sit down and plan both our weddings together type of situation. I'm worried (and it seems rightfully so) that this may cause a huge conflict between my sister and my B2B and I really don't see how I can make both sides happy.

I have spoken to my mom about this (my dad doesn't really know anything yet since they aren't officially engaged) and she agrees that its messed up and my sister said it shouldn't matter when she gets married. So my mom knows of my issue with this and she also suggested I sit down and have a chat with my sibling. My sister is a VERY strong willed person and I know this is going to turn into an argument. I don't want my B2B to get involved in this because I feel like I'd rather have my sister mad at me and give me a problem than her.

I don't think I'd have a problem with even 2 months after our wedding so hers would be September. It's just that I feel that it shouldn't be right before ours. I guess I'm going to have to have the talk this weekend and see how it goes. Ohhh boy....

Good luck and keep up updated about what happens!

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Posted by LoveyDovey

Hey D!

I would say something NOW, before she gets engaged...you really dont want to rain on her parade during her engagement and wedding planning...

but i would def say something! anddd i agree with awaitingaugust, I would try to push up your wedding if its something you can afford and or manage

Id be soooo upset if my sis got married 1-2 months before my own wedding

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I cant agree more. Say something. Keep it positive and just tell her how you feel. If you say nothing you cant be upset.

But maybe she just doesent 'get it', and when you tell her your concerns and how you feel sha might say 'wow, didnt think about that.'.

Good luck!

I just really still don't see the problem with them getting married 2 months before you. A week after their wedding nobody will be thinking about it anymore and all the focus will be on you.

I guess I just don't understand the whole 'I'm getting married so everyone should pay attention to me' thing...nobody cares about your marriage more than the two of you...most of your friends/family are not walking around every day trying to swoon over you about the wedding, and they won't be doing it for your sister either.

We are in the same exact situation and I don't feel for one second that any of my 'thunder' has been 'stolen' by having our wedding within 2 months of FSIL's. People ask about my wedding, people ask about her wedding and it really doesn't bother me in the slightest. Its my own experience to share with my FH, any other joy from others is just a bonus.

On your wedding day the focus will be all on you, nobody is going to talk about your sister. At your FW's shower and her bachelorette party its going to be all about her. Same with your sister. The only way its going to be an unpleasant experience is if you or others make it one. I am happily planning my wedding with little to no drama...FSIL is a raging bridezilla who is miserable and can't let go of the fact that we are getting married 2 months after her. The point is...that is HER CHOICE to be miserable like that. She could have done what I did, which was to focus on the fact that I will never be engaged again, so I am going to make the most of this time and ignore the haters...instead she wants to dwell and be angry...that's her choice.

Its your choice too. Dwell on it and be angry and bitter, or plan the first day of the rest of your life with your FW and be joyous about it.

I dont get why you are upset....

you said 'It doesnt bother me that she is getting married before me. I have no issue with that at all. If she wants to get married in June 2011 and I get married July 2012 that's fine but that's not what she is planning.'

She is planning on getting married a few months before you....that is actually better than a month before so the wedding are not right on top of each other. And if she isnt 'Officially' engaged yet then I would settle down and not freak yet. The date she wants might not be available at the hall she wants....and really you havent picked your date so the date you want might not be available....

So I think you are jumping the gun on all of this.

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Posted by FutureMrsG

I would be upset if I were in your situation. In general it is poor form for two siblings to get married less than 6 months apart.

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I wish my FSIL knew that.

I'm so sorry but trust me I undestand. Seems to be happening alot on my end.

I think the best thing to do is to voice ur opion to ur sister. I wanted my FH to do that but he wanted me to say something I wasn't gonna be the bad fsil so I think its best u say something

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Posted by FutureMrsG

I would be upset if I were in your situation. In general it is poor form for two siblings to get married less than 6 months apart.

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I'm sorry and I really don't mean to be combative...but I have never seen anything that states its 'poor form' for two family weddings to be closer together than 6 months apart. I've even gone as far as to look in Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette book and it says nothing about the timing of family weddings AT ALL.

I really am curious because my FSIL keeps telling me its not proper etiquette for us to get married 2 months after her and I'm still waiting for proof on that.

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

I agree that your sister 'should' know better and 'should' plan with more consideration but people don't always do what they 'should.' There isn't much you can do but talk to her - is there a reason she wants to get married around this time? Maybe she always dreamed of a spring wedding and can't picture waiting for the following spring. Maybe her and her fh-to-be have their own scheduling reasons for this. Hopefully they are legit ones and not about 'being first.'

I'd be annoyed too but what can you do really if she's dead set on the date? I can't imagine asking someone to move their wedding date for whatever reason.

I always wanted a spring/summer wedding and my FIL's go to portugal mid june every year for the summer. My friends graduate in May. That left us with basically only the 2 weeks in june for our wedding. I'd be put off if my brother asked me to move my date. Why should have my wedding in a different season that was not my first choice or put it off for the next June?

I'm just playing devil's advocate.

I agree with everyone else, her engagement is still in the air and 2012 is a long way off. Alot can happen between here and now, just enjoy your engagement. and try not to stress. The weddings may be close together but you can have completely different vibe.

Plus, if she DOES have hers first, you can always see how you can make yours better!

jmo

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i totally agree with this post.
talk with your sister before she gets engaged.

does she know that you have a date set?
its hard to ask someone to change their date/season, because they can be choosing for certain reasons. however, if they are choosing for selfish reasons (stupid competitive reasons), which does happen, then thats a problem and by all means tell her how you feel. if nothing is done and she doesnt change her date, then you just have to put your feelings aside, and move on. Find some way to still be happy for her, and plan your weddings for around the same time. Etiquite does call for much more time in between, especially when its family, and even more so when its siblings. It does put a financial strain on the families involved, because its not only immediate family, but cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, close family friends.... they wont be able to do as much for each couple as they would be able to do.

Could there be a compromise? You admitted you dont care who is first. Which I think is a good thing. But you both want spring/summer 2012 right. Well what if one couple is say late May early June 2012, and the other mid to late August early September. There is still some distance in time there.

They are all beautiful months, yet a little less right on top of eachother. I know you really wanted July. I am just thinking being that July is the dead center of the summer there isn't much of a way to work around it without them being close.

Just a thought. GL