I could really use some input here about how I should approach this subject.
My fiancee and I have been together for a little over 5 years and will be getting married in July 2012. We got engaged last April and recently started looking at places and talking about things.
My sister (who is 2 years younger than me) is planning on getting engaged this year as her and her bf have been ring shopping for the past few months and they both decided this is the year they want to get engaged. Now, she told me recently that she wants to get married April or May 2012.
I am disappointed and shocked by this because I kind of feel that she is taking the spot light away from my bride to be. My sister who we will call 'B' is the only daughter of 2 'off the boat' Italians and I know its not going to be about my fiancee and I's wedding anymore.
I don't know if I should say something to my sister or how to even tell my future wife about this. I'm afraid she will be upset and it will be something strenous between them.
Any advice, opinions, suggestions would be helpful!
Thanks!
jwleewedding
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
that's a really tough situation to be in. since you guys decided to wait so long, it's unfair to ask that your little sister wait even longer just b/c you want to have your wedding first.... but then again, b/c you guys got engaged first, it would only be fair if you got married first.
i would honestly just sit down and talk to your sister. she hasn't even gotten the ring yet, so nothing is set in stone. it seems like your date is already picked, so many she'll be willing to work with you.
also, let her know that if she's willing to have her wedding 2nd, it might even make it easier on her since everyone in the family will be well versed in all that goes along with wedding planning.
a close friend of mine and myself are actually sorta of in the same situation. she's actually getting married this sept and me next june. even though she's been engaged for a while, she chose to have a long engagement, so she can't really say that i have no right in planning my wedding during the same time. we've made it work, so hopefully you can too.
HTH.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
sorry you have to deal with that it's not a very fun situation to be in.
You pretty much have three choices: 1. do nothing and have both you and your sister get married around the same time 2. ask your sister to postpone her wedding date 3. postpone your own wedding date (or even get married sooner)
i don't think #1 is a good option ... if #3 is not an option for you either, then def try to talk to your sister and see what can be done.
best of luck!
netsirk10
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
I would probably say something. Is your date officially set..like do you have a place? Is she aware of this?
LoveyDovey
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
Hey D!
I would say something NOW, before she gets engaged...you really dont want to rain on her parade during her engagement and wedding planning...
but i would def say something! anddd i agree with awaitingaugust, I would try to push up your wedding if its something you can afford and or manage
Id be soooo upset if my sis got married 1-2 months before my own wedding
SpicyMeataball
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
The date is pretty much set. As far as a place goes we havent booked a place but we do have one in mind. We are looking at another place this weekend.
J & Awaiting August,
I wish I could really push up my wedding but at this point I really can't. We are really looking for a summer wedding and the timing wouldnt be good with us getting married a full yera before she has to graduate school.
I love my sister alot don't get me wrong and I'm not trying to say her wedding isnt important. I'm just kinda shocked that she would plan it so close to mine.
FutureMrsG
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
I would be upset if I were in your situation. In general it is poor form for two siblings to get married less than 6 months apart.
jwleewedding
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
i really think you need to have a heart to heart with her. if you guys are as close as you seem, i'm sure she'll understand that by her doing this, she's basically stealing your thunder, which is not the right thing to do.
madamsireeda213
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
Aww thats a rough situation to be in. I agree with the girls though, your sister doesn't even have the ring yet. She may be in talks about getting the ring and they may get engaged this year, but as of now, you are still the only person in your family who is 'engaged'. You should sit down and talk to her and ask her if maybe she can move the wedding up (if she can afford it) or wait till after you guys get married to get married.I mean, no matter what, the spotlight might shift a little to your sister (on yoru family side) because she is the only daugther (i know how that one goes in tight families) which ***** but as of right now, this is your time (and your fiancee) time to shine.
Also tell yoru fiancee as soon as you talk to your sister because this will definitely affect how she feels going forward (bride to be hate to share the spotlight ha).
I'm also in a similar situation. My best friend got engaged a month before me and she is having her wedding in december '10 and I'm having my april '11. We are both in each other's party which is great. Its fun to share the even with my best friend because we get to bounce ideas off of each other but every once in a while, I do wish I was the 'only bride' ha.
Good luck FH!
love82110
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
Definitely talk to your sister and be honest. Tell her how you feel and also ask her how she would feel in your fiancee's shoes. I think I would hold off in mentioning to your fiancee too until you absolutely need to, things can change very quickly and you are totally right in that it will likely cause some tension. A piece of it depends on how close you are with your sister, but just tell her your thoughts. Maybe you could push up your wedding if possible, if it's that you want to get married first or maybe your sister could do 2011 to seperate the 2 weddings more than 2 months. Good luck!
annnng
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
I def think its messed up on her part. You were already engaged and she knew that. I think It is selfish of her to A. Pick a date so close to yours B. Get married before you.
You're older and was engaged before her. She should respect the fact that its your turn first and she should wait.. I would def be upset and hurt by it
JLWSJC
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
She's not even officially engaged yet. Honestly, I'd wait until she has the ring and see what happens after she talks to her own FH. Maybe it won't be possible for them to do a wedding at that time for some reason. If they do decide they think it's a good time, then maybe it's time for you to sit down with both of thema nd calmly explain why that's hardcore Effed up of them to choose a date so close to the one you've already planned.
Also, if you express your concerns to your mom, maybe she'll help you out and talk some sense into your sister.
Who knows, maybe they'll want to get married way before you in 2011? Whch would still be annoying... but better in some ways and not in others...
Good luck, it's not a fun place to be.
PS, I love your screen name lol
Suzie4
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
i would def say something to her but before she gets engaged...i agree with 'loveydovey' you don't want to have this conversation after she gets engaged b/c it will probably create unneccessary drama. Hopefully she'll understand
best of luck!
Soon2BRomeo
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
Talk with her. Tell her how you fell and what yr concens are. She might get upset but just remember you guys are family and I am sure you can work something out. May be voicing your concerns to your parents can help too. Good luck and I am sure it will all work out for the best.
mybabylovesmoi
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
I agree that your sister 'should' know better and 'should' plan with more consideration but people don't always do what they 'should.' There isn't much you can do but talk to her - is there a reason she wants to get married around this time? Maybe she always dreamed of a spring wedding and can't picture waiting for the following spring. Maybe her and her fh-to-be have their own scheduling reasons for this. Hopefully they are legit ones and not about 'being first.'
I'd be annoyed too but what can you do really if she's dead set on the date? I can't imagine asking someone to move their wedding date for whatever reason.
I always wanted a spring/summer wedding and my FIL's go to portugal mid june every year for the summer. My friends graduate in May. That left us with basically only the 2 weeks in june for our wedding. I'd be put off if my brother asked me to move my date. Why should have my wedding in a different season that was not my first choice or put it off for the next June?
I'm just playing devil's advocate.
I agree with everyone else, her engagement is still in the air and 2012 is a long way off. Alot can happen between here and then, just enjoy your engagement. and try not to stress. The weddings may be close together but you can have completely different vibe.
Plus, if she DOES have hers first, you can always see how you can make yours better!
jmo
edited for grammar
adelya21
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
ITA I also agree with some posts that said talk to your sis ter BEFORE she gets engaged. Just ask her if theres anyway for her to maybe do it afew months after you. would that be a concern for you as well or you dont care if it after your wedding?
Posted by annnng
I def think its messed up on her part. You were already engaged and she knew that. I think It is selfish of her to A. Pick a date so close to yours B. Get married before you.
You're older and was engaged before her. She should respect the fact that its your turn first and she should wait.. I would def be upset and hurt by it
Tetelove
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
I honestly would say something and let them know how you feel. It's so messed up that they would even consider getting married around the same time you and your fiancee were planning. I would REALLY make a BIG deal about it.
If they were originally planning on getting married this year they shoud continue to do so considering you and your fiancee had already chose next year....
Moonmist09
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
wow.
i was engaged once before and that fell apart. while i was in that relationship i got engaged in '06 and i had already been with my XFH for more than 6 years. we planned the wedding for april '08. everyone knew that was the date for more than 1 year and a half.
along comes his brother who was not even dating his gf for a year and he decides to propose. now all of a sudden - my XFMIL decides that they should get married in June of '08. umm..hello! totally stealing my thunder!
i finally got them to change their wedding date to september '08 but i had t fight tooth and nail.
now that was not a healthy relationship to begin with and being a daughter to 2 off the boat italian parents myself, i know what this can be like.
maybe talk to your mom and see if she can talk to your sister. at this point, your sister may just be thinking and talking out loud about what dates she might like. unless she and her bf are actually already going to visit some RH, i would take it slow.
if everyone can sit down calmly and rationaly, since you were engaged first, technically, and according to ettiquette you should get married first. maybe she can push her wedding back to later in the year and if not, she could always get married before you, even if its winter of '12 it would still be far enough away from your own wedding.
don't wait forever to tell your fiance though - you don't want her hearing it from someone else and having her think your keeping it from her.
good luck!
TheNextMrs.B
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
I say pick a date and get married sooner so the spot light isn't stolen and so it's not over whelming for your family. Wedding are difficult but fun times. You should equally enjoy them but not put pressure and stress on either party. You've been engaged for a while. Why wait? Unless there is a specific reason why you were waiting.
MikesBride2B
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Re: FH here and no idea what to do....
Honestly, I'm gonna come out and say that I am on the other side of this situation and I think you have to let her get married when she wants to. A marriage is a blessing in a family and two is a double blessing.
We are getting married 2 months after my FSIL and she threw a sh!t fit over it, saying that we are stealing her thunder and all this stuff. Instead, she could have seen it as an opportunity to share a wonderful part of her life with her brother and FSIL and the whole family could have been able to be happy for everyone, instead of miserable and having to step on eggshells all the time.
We have our own (very legitimate) reasons for getting married when we are. The only thing my FSIL's fit about our date is doing is ruining HER experience of her wedding and her family's experience of it. FH and I are still happily planning our wedding and it will still be the happiest day of our lives. It doesn't matter who comes first, who comes second, how close together they are...a wedding is a blessing and everyone should be able to enjoy it.
