FH is being crazy!

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

keep calm! maybe FH will think about everything and consider your feelings and come to his senses and what you two are comfortable with!

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

OMG that sucks. I know how you feel. I keep arguing with FH too over the guest list. He wants to keep inviting more and more of his family bc its the 'right thing to do' and hes even telling people they can bring their kids which we agreed to NO kids. bc 'where will they go' and I remind him thats what babysitters are for. And he tells me I cant invite close friends of the family, bc theyre not family when theyve been in my life since I was 5 and see them on a constant basis.

I wish I could tell you dont worry it will all work out, but thats what i keep telling myself. lol

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

Okay let me tell you me and my fh went through the same exact thing...Our parents both invited like 50 more people than we originally wanted and we just got the final list and it is down to 165....Which what we originally wanted was 150...So, I wouldn't worry too much because there will be cancellations...We invited about 200 and got left with 165...So, I really wouldn't worry too much about it...If you don't mind me asking who is paying for the wedding????

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

tell her she can invite whoever she wants if she pays for it!! lol

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by cets1290

tell her she can invite whoever she wants if she pays for it!! lol

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FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

I had this argument with my own mother, in the end I gave in. My wedding jumped from 150 invite to over 200.... its frustrating but I dont want to hear about it for the rest of my life. Im sorry, probably not the advice you want to hear, but sometimes you just have to give in to make everyone happy. If it is a money thing, explain that to her. Definitely have two different lists set up. Or let her pin point who she can confirm will not be attending from the family, etc... good luck, deep breaths, and have a glass of wine. This will blow over :)

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by cets1290

tell her she can invite whoever she wants if she pays for it!! lol

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Since we were paying for our own wedding this is what i told my FH.

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

I would not worry to much because only 60% of your list shows I hear and you might need these people to cover your 100!! I didn't hold back I made 2 list A and B and has him do the same with his family friends or what this way it is fair. I could careless whom my FH family invites so long as I meet my 100 person requirement you also should keep in mind just because she thinks these friends should go does not mean they are going to want to go!

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by seashells622

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Posted by cets1290

tell her she can invite whoever she wants if she pays for it!! lol

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Since we were paying for our own wedding this is what i told my FH.

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We did the same. My parents understand and only 2 couples they are extremely close with are invited. FH's parents had a guest list of like 60 people. Luckily, he agreed with me and they will be paying for whoever they invite!! We are paying for this ourselves and there's no way in hell I'm paying for all these people I've never met and will most likely never see again in my life! FMIL tried to justify it by saying they will give good gifts but we didn't care. We held firm, lol. Good luck. Everything will work itself out. You can't please everyone and it's your wedding!

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

Having the same issue with my parents. If they are paying for it you may have to acquiesce. If they are not paying for it I would suggest (like others) having an A and B list.

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by Chels

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Posted by cets1290

tell her she can invite whoever she wants if she pays for it!! lol

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THIS EXACTLY!!!! It's not fair to you. I understand accommodating parents' guest lists (believe me!) but at a certain point a line has to be drawn bc it is yours and your FH's day not your MIL's. Also, if you let things just slide now it sets a future precedent.... Lol

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

This is really hard. Thank god our parents 'friend' invite list isn't huge. My mom's list are people that I have known since I was little and my FMIL's is people I know are good friends.

I would def insist that they keep it to close friends only because it is a big financial burden. I know it's hard but remember your FMIL is probably as excited about the wedding as you and wants to celebrate with her friends too and doesn't realize how hard it is for you guys.

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know sometimes parents get a little overwhelming with their opinions, but as much as IT IS your wedding, it's her sons wedding too and she just wants the people she cares about to be there to see him get married, you know? Try to think of it as a positive thing - I'm sure if she didn't like you she wouldn't want people there to witness it!

FH is being crazy! - Long Island Weddings

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by haw4

Thanks for all of the advice ladies. I'm fine with her inviting close friends, it's more that she wants to invite her ENTIRE office, which I find crazy since I even had to make cuts for people that I wanted to invite. My FH doesn't even know any of those people. My parents were so much more understanding with all of this. His mother thinks it's her wedding, and I'm at the point that I'm tired of compromising what we want to make her happy. I spoke about it with FH hope this compromise works.

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I know above you said everyone is contributing what they can, but why not change it to something where you and your FH pay for your friends, your parents pay for their friends, and his parents pay for theirs? Then you can all collectively work together on the family members.. That way, your FH's mother may rethink who she wants to invite since she will have to pay for them. It may force her to reevaluate who is a necessity and who is not.. I understand totally that it is your wedding, but I personally feel that if the parents are helping, they should invite who they want. My FH and I were lucky enough to have both sets helping out ALOT, so they essentially invited whoever they wanted lol- doesn't mean they will RSVP yes though, so just keep that in mind too

Re: FH is being crazy!

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by haw4

Thanks for all of the advice ladies. I'm fine with her inviting close friends, it's more that she wants to invite her ENTIRE office, which I find crazy since I even had to make cuts for people that I wanted to invite. My FH doesn't even know any of those people. My parents were so much more understanding with all of this. His mother thinks it's her wedding, and I'm at the point that I'm tired of compromising what we want to make her happy. I spoke about it with FH hope this compromise works.

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Oh yeah, I would be drawing the line at the FMIL office mates!
If she is super close to them and has worked with them for decades or something, suggest a small office party after work where you both attend and let her show you off. She is probably just a proud mother and wants to show you both off. Promise them lots of photos after.

Re: FH is being crazy!

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Posted by cets1290

tell her she can invite whoever she wants if she pays for it!! lol

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Yes!!!

I had a similar situation and it was on both sides. We finally just sat down with each set of parents (individually) and told them point blank how many people they were allowed to invite and that was it. We made it fair and even for both sides and just wiped our hands clean of it. I was lucky that FH was on my side though and he stood his ground with his parents.