FH is REALLY mad at me...

I don't know how you and FH fight, but if it was me (which it has been in other situations - including backing up into a pole!) all I would do is offer to fix it and apologize, stressing the fact that I had no idea and I can't believe it happened. Big wide eyes usually help at that point too.

I wouldn't call him back, but wait till you see him later. I agree - DO NOT tell him you heard, saw, though or suspected anything! You are as shocked about this as he is and feel sick about it!

I am sorry you guys are fighting Rachel - FH will come around!

I would say I have no idea when it happened!
One time I had a big scratch & I was parked near the supermarket so they did it to me!

Thrilled what did I say earlier, admit to nothing.

Just give him time to cool off. Especially since you know he over-reacts to situations.
As far as not calling you back-he's home right? maybe he just is exhausted and needed some sleep. I'd let him be the one to call since he hung up on you. Buffing isn't SOOOO bad- depending on how big it is- it can be $200? I'm over estimating too. Maybe it can be compounded like Octbride and Jennbaby suggested?
Perhaps just tell him, you honestly didn't see anything and didnt think there was damage. If he wants, like you said before, you'd fix it. That's a rational conversation. If he doesn't see that you're willing to fix the situation and of course it wasn't on purpose - or you weren't hiding it from him, he'll be needing some more time to deal with it. There's nothing more you can do. He'll come around-

Mary ... you're so funny .... A POLE?! I could just see it!

Rach, don't tell you suspected ... that will only fuel a 'why didn't you tell me? & what else are you keeping from me?' arguement. I agree, figure out how to fix it ... sometimes it helps to present the solution first, then move on.

However, I'm not a big fan of being treated like a child ... ie 'driving priviledges (sp?)' ... so I wouldn't be so quick to apologize for anything!

i know its easier said then done but dont let WORDS get to you
thats what people tell me when i cry over things......
they say, people that is not to let someones words get to you......................
hope you feel better!!

As Tammy said do not let him get to you.

He is obviously trying to make you feel like crap and it is working.

You did nothing wrong short of human error. You do not deserve to be punished for it.

If the car has been used since you drove back from gettitng breakfast in the blizzard, I would tell him there is no way he can say this is your fault. Maybe it happened when it was parked somewhere. You checked that day and didn't see anything so why are you assuming you did it.

If that fails just tell him its there, there is nothign we can do now so get over it and do what we can - fix it.

rach .... do not let him drag you into an arguement trying to defend yourself. That's a power move.

It helps to not discuss the situation at all ... Present your solution & try to get him to move past it. By going over it & over it, you're hashing it out. That doesn't solve anything. If he's accusing you of lying, remind him how the details don't change the fact. Stay calm. Talk softly & try not to get into a yelling match. You may need to teach him how to fight fairly by not getting into those conversations at all. As much as he's trying to put you on the defensive for lying, point out how he's bullying you. That's not acceptable, either.

You're strong, Rach. Stay calm ... Let him know that this isn't trajedy, its a scratch on the car. Let's get things into perspective ...

Hang up on me? I don't deal well with this and I wouldn't call him back. I would wait for him to calm down to discuss this. He is obviously upset over the scratch, you know he overracts, so it is no use dealing with this while he is upset. I think that he is bullying you with the lying act. He needs to blame someone, right? Because we all know that men could possible do something like this, LOL!

How do you know this happened the day of the snow storm? You have used the car since (I know I was in it!!!) and no one has seen it. So how do you know it was you? Did he make you feel like it had to be you? Yes, there is a chance it could have happened then and the way he is acting I wouldn't give him any reason to blame me when you aren't sure.

When, things are calm - tell him I don't remember anything that could have caused this and you don't either -- so what can we do about it? Let's get it fixed and not fight over something like this.

Totally agree with what Niecy said. It may not have been you... Yeah you heard a bump, but you checked and nothing was there. It could have happened a million ways.
Although I don't usually like to lie, I don't think you should tell him about the bump during the blizzard. It very well have not been the moment that happened.
If the scratch is not too deep(gs27 I think it's called, you can find it in any auto store will take it out).
Let us know how it goes!

He says that he went home and compared the scratch on the car with a tiny piece of post that sticks out (yes I would have to be in error to hit that post, it's not THAT big) and it matches perfectly. So one of us did it, and he is Mr. Perfect and I am not the World's Greatest Driver, plus I remember the bump.

Dammit.

Even still - you don't have to admitt to that.....
I know that sounds bad, but if you can 'not remember' then I am sure that there COULD HAVE been an instance where he 'didn't remember' either.

I would be mad at him for treating you like a child....and hanging up on you.

I would say 'Listen, I am very sorry if I scratched the car, but I have no recollection of doing so....It could have been either of us. Instead of fighting, let's just figure out what to do about it....'
Especially if you tell him that you already did some research and you know it can be fixed (any scratch can be fixed so don't let him tell you it can't)

GOOD LUCK!

Sending you hugs
My DH is obsessed with his car too...I know how you're feeling!

Did he call you and tell you he investigated? That's how he saw that the wood matches the pole?

I totally agree w/ everyone else, either you can argue about who did it, when it happened, or you can fix the problem. I'm thinking the ladder of the 2 will win.
Can you pick that stuff up on the way home? Do you have an auto supplies store near you? Maybe go home w/ a solution??

Well I made hamburgers and fries last night as a peace offering - he saw right through me of course - but our roommate was home when I got there, so he was a buffering presence. FH had calmed way down but absolutely did not and still does not buy my story. I stuck by it, though. He wasn't mean or anything, but definitely kept to himself last night. I gave him his space and played on the computer while he watched TV. He finally warmed up right before he went to work. He says we flat out don't have the money, no, not even $200 to get the scratch fixed.

But he called me this morning to say good morning and how was my night etc, so I think this will pass soon.

I am glad to hear he is warming up....As much as I believe in honesty in a relationship...there are just certain truths that should not be told....

Good Job on sticking to your story!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, glad to see things are a little better. I'm sure it'll blow over sooner than you think

Exactly, if he's called this morning, he's probably just dealing w/ it from now on in his own way.

If he brings it up again (the $200 etc...) maybe just say, ok, if not now, after the wedding I promise we'll fix it. This way, it's BOTH of your guys project to fix.

I'm glad it's working out for you!