FH not saving

Maybe you guys can have a 'wedding fund' (it can even be a cookie jar, doesn't have to be something formal at the bank). Every month or every few weeks you two should sit down and look at the wedding fund. He will soon realize all the funds are coming from you and will hopefully put in his share.

FH and i are gonna do all the deposits 50/50.

Perhaps you can just mention something like, 'would you be ok going in half with me' Of course he's gonna say no and state he is behind on some cc payments but at least it opens up the topic of conversation without necessarily placing blame on anyone. It might suck but perhaps sitting down with him and looking at exactly what he owes and what's coming in and go from there.

It sounds like u mentioned refinancing his loans which didn't turn out to well. He would def save $ there and depending on the loaner he could put them on hold for the time being without any penalties. In the long run this might mean a few extra months of payments but there are no fees and student loan debt is the only good debt to have.

food for thoght

hope it works out

fh and i have been pretty good at saving about the same amt.

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Posted by lori7570

I think you def need to say something...not seeing eye to eye on money issues will last far beyond the wedding. You two need to make sure you want the same things before you get married. Sounds like this is a good time to discuss it.

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ITA

yeah i def agree, we have been working on our money issues and are well aware of them - its not a deal breaker! Obviously the added stress of a thousands of dollars affair is not helping matters

I know that money and saving can be an especially difficult conversation to approach, but I think it's EXTREMELY important that you try to approach it. My FH has a hard time saving and we agreed awhile ago that I would pay for the wedding and he would pay for the hooneymoon. (He's finishing college, I've graduated). However, I found out he wasn't really saving. So, I gently asked him what his plan was for setting aside money. I wanted to know if he had something in mind I didn't know about. I let him know how important the wedding and honeymoon are to me, and that I really needed him to help me with this. I shared with him my fears about money being a source for tension in the future, and that really helped him see why it bothered me. I told him that the number one reason for divorce was fiances, and that I didn't even want to start down that road. I asked him if we could sit down together and budget out our money and talk about the things that we felt were most important (bills, owning a home, new or used cars, etc). So we sat down and talked about ALL our fiances and he could see a big picture and how it played into me feeling secure and loved.

I read this book over the summer, The Five Love Languages... GREAT BOOK... I highly, highly recommend it for all couples. And it talks about how people feel loved through different things. So people it's acts of service like washing the dishes, making sure the car got fixed, etc. Others it quality time. For some it's gifts, some physical tough, some words of affection. For me it's acts of service, so no matter how many gifts he gives me or how much he says he loves me. I want to see the acts which show he loves me. And saving money can be one of those acts. It sounds like that may be your love language too. So, maybe it's just that your FH doesn't realize, just how important things like that are to making you feel loved and secure. I know this is a novel, and I'm not quite saying what I want to... but I really hope this helps. I just feel like you hit on something big, and I didn't want to brush it off with a short response. I wish you the best, and I'm sure he will be responsive if you approach it in love... I sure don't want you to feel resentment towards him either!!!

FH hubby is bad with money. Thats why I give him $ to get through the week and the rest goes to bills and savings. I keep all the cards on me because he is like a woman with his debit card and doesnt keep track of anything he spends

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Posted by lori7570

I think you def need to say something...not seeing eye to eye on money issues will last far beyond the wedding. You two need to make sure you want the same things before you get married. Sounds like this is a good time to discuss it.

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ITA as well.

FH and I are splitting everything half and half. Between the two of us, I am the one who earns less and I have student loans to pay off as well. I am the one who needs more time to save. That is I why I pushed our wedding date to 2010.

Managing your finances can be hell on earth FH and I are both TERRIBLE about saving but we have been pooling our money together for so long now that it's always 50/50. But you have to make sure to whip his butt into shape! Have a discussion with him, show him numbers, freak him out a bit if that helps!