FH Rant

Does anyone else feel under appreciated? I feel like FH NEVER does anything special for me like flowers or cards or anything like that. He never really has for our entire relationship but now I'm busting my butt trying to get us a co-op because he's in finals. I could see if he was so busy but he can find the time to play football and watch the Jets game and he can find time to go buy the birds a new toy but can't leave me a note saying that he appreciates what I've been doing.

When he's having a rough time, I take him out to dinner or I just got him a gift card for a massage because he's been so stressed with finals and he's never done anything like that for me. I'm beginning to feel like a stupid door mat.

Plus the holidays are a little rough for me because I was so looking forward to FH proposing last year around now (I totally knew it was coming) and it would up being the most disappointing moment because he didn't put any effort into saying anything sweet or even setting up anything. And with all the jewelry commercials, it just gets to be too much.

Sigh.

i would def talk to him about this.... A relationship nees to be nurtured at both ends and the fact that he is like this before you are even married is an issue...it obviously upsets you because this isnt the first time you've posted about it. My fh does those little things for me all the time...leaves me little notes on the kitchen counter when he leaves for work...send flowers for no reason....cards...not neccessarily expensive things...but just something to show me that he is ALWAYS thinking of me. i must say that it feels good...and I try to do the same for him... Of course material things mean 'nothing' in the grand scheme of things...but a $2 card can go along way.... i think everyone needs to feel special every now and then.
tell him....

I am sorry hun!!! Sometimes I feel like this too.. I always feel like I am doing so much and sacrificing so much and its not appreciated.. but then I take a step back and realize all the stuff he does do for me too.

If you dont mind me asking how did he propose? If it makes you feel better when everything was over with and done with I was upset with my proposal.. I was like ... that was it??? I think cause i built it up in my mind my whole life to be this huge event and he kept it simple. Just the two of us at home. Don't get me wrong he got 6 dozen roses and cooked dinner so he put in effort.. but I was in sweats lounging around, i wish I was more prepared. Also we had a huge fight the day before so I kind of wish he waited until that was forgotten.. but he had planned that day so he still went for it

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Posted by JJC

i would def talk to him about this.... A relationship nees to be nurtured at both ends and the fact that he is like this before you are even married is an issue...it obviously upsets you because this isnt the first time you've posted about it. My fh does those little things for me all the time...leaves me little notes on the kitchen counter when he leaves for work...send flowers for no reason....cards...not neccessarily expensive things...but just something to show me that he is ALWAYS thinking of me. i must say that it feels good...and I try to do the same for him... Of course material things mean 'nothing' in the grand scheme of things...but a $2 card can go along way.... i think everyone needs to feel special every now and then.
tell him....

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I have to say that I completely agree. My FH does so much for me like always leaves me cards, gets me gifts/flowers for no reason. He is always trying to make me happy. I went away for a weekend a few weeks ago and I came back to a card saying how much he missed me. It was just so sweet. He is always doing those little things for me. I do think this is important in a relationship. I definitely think that you should talk to your FH about how you feel. Communication goes a long way.

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Posted by gporka23

I am sorry hun!!! Sometimes I feel like this too.. I always feel like I am doing so much and sacrificing so much and its not appreciated.. but then I take a step back and realize all the stuff he does do for me too.

If you dont mind me asking how did he propose? If it makes you feel better when everything was over with and done with I was upset with my proposal.. I was like ... that was it??? I think cause i built it up in my mind my whole life to be this huge event and he kept it simple. Just the two of us at home. Don't get me wrong he got 6 dozen roses and cooked dinner so he put in effort.. but I was in sweats lounging around, i wish I was more prepared. Also we had a huge fight the day before so I kind of wish he waited until that was forgotten.. but he had planned that day so he still went for it

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It was our 2 year anniversary and he had teased for a month that he had a surprise for me. So he told me I could have my surprise at midnight. We were watching a movie and when midnight rolled around I said okay let's have it! He was like Oh it's under the tree. Made me get up and get it, didn't pause the movie and then when I opened it, he was basically stretching when he said How about it, wanna marry me? Now we had talked about proposals before and I alwasy said I didnt' need a whole big deal or even a ring. The only thing that was important to me was what he said. And then he didn't say anything.

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Posted by MrsList09

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Posted by gporka23

I am sorry hun!!! Sometimes I feel like this too.. I always feel like I am doing so much and sacrificing so much and its not appreciated.. but then I take a step back and realize all the stuff he does do for me too.

If you dont mind me asking how did he propose? If it makes you feel better when everything was over with and done with I was upset with my proposal.. I was like ... that was it??? I think cause i built it up in my mind my whole life to be this huge event and he kept it simple. Just the two of us at home. Don't get me wrong he got 6 dozen roses and cooked dinner so he put in effort.. but I was in sweats lounging around, i wish I was more prepared. Also we had a huge fight the day before so I kind of wish he waited until that was forgotten.. but he had planned that day so he still went for it

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It was our 2 year anniversary and he had teased for a month that he had a surprise for me. So he told me I could have my surprise at midnight. We were watching a movie and when midnight rolled around I said okay let's have it! He was like Oh it's under the tree. Made me get up and get it, didn't pause the movie and then when I opened it, he was basically stretching when he said How about it, wanna marry me? Now we had talked about proposals before and I alwasy said I didnt' need a whole big deal or even a ring. The only thing that was important to me was what he said. And then he didn't say anything.

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well then that is something you should tell him! If words were all you asked for and he didnt give you that...you need to tell him. i am sure he will come around if he realizes how much it bothers you!

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Posted by MrsList09

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Posted by gporka23

I am sorry hun!!! Sometimes I feel like this too.. I always feel like I am doing so much and sacrificing so much and its not appreciated.. but then I take a step back and realize all the stuff he does do for me too.

If you dont mind me asking how did he propose? If it makes you feel better when everything was over with and done with I was upset with my proposal.. I was like ... that was it??? I think cause i built it up in my mind my whole life to be this huge event and he kept it simple. Just the two of us at home. Don't get me wrong he got 6 dozen roses and cooked dinner so he put in effort.. but I was in sweats lounging around, i wish I was more prepared. Also we had a huge fight the day before so I kind of wish he waited until that was forgotten.. but he had planned that day so he still went for it

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It was our 2 year anniversary and he had teased for a month that he had a surprise for me. So he told me I could have my surprise at midnight. We were watching a movie and when midnight rolled around I said okay let's have it! He was like Oh it's under the tree. Made me get up and get it, didn't pause the movie and then when I opened it, he was basically stretching when he said How about it, wanna marry me? Now we had talked about proposals before and I alwasy said I didnt' need a whole big deal or even a ring. The only thing that was important to me was what he said. And then he didn't say anything.

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Maybe he was nervous? I know my FH was nervous.. He got down on his knee and asked me and he could barely get the words out... Later on he was like I should have told you how much I love you etc but I didnt realize how nervous I was going to be.

I agree with the other ladies. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. I have talked to FH in the past as well how sometimes I dont feel appreciated and he had NO idea i felt that way. Your FH might need a little kick in the butt!!!

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Posted by MrsList09

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Posted by gporka23

I am sorry hun!!! Sometimes I feel like this too.. I always feel like I am doing so much and sacrificing so much and its not appreciated.. but then I take a step back and realize all the stuff he does do for me too.

If you dont mind me asking how did he propose? If it makes you feel better when everything was over with and done with I was upset with my proposal.. I was like ... that was it??? I think cause i built it up in my mind my whole life to be this huge event and he kept it simple. Just the two of us at home. Don't get me wrong he got 6 dozen roses and cooked dinner so he put in effort.. but I was in sweats lounging around, i wish I was more prepared. Also we had a huge fight the day before so I kind of wish he waited until that was forgotten.. but he had planned that day so he still went for it

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It was our 2 year anniversary and he had teased for a month that he had a surprise for me. So he told me I could have my surprise at midnight. We were watching a movie and when midnight rolled around I said okay let's have it! He was like Oh it's under the tree. Made me get up and get it, didn't pause the movie and then when I opened it, he was basically stretching when he said How about it, wanna marry me? Now we had talked about proposals before and I alwasy said I didnt' need a whole big deal or even a ring. The only thing that was important to me was what he said. And then he didn't say anything.

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I think you need to talk to him about it if it bothers you. I thought my FH wasn't romantic but once in a while he surprises me and since I never ever expect it, it makes me that much happier.

As far as the proposal, talk to him, find out why he put no effort into. The least he could have done was gotten off the couch and gotten it himself. If it bothers you, you have to tell him.

just to make u feel better....last night i made FH's favorite meal and waited until 9:30pm to eat with him when he got home from work...oh and i moved our treadmill and the entire exercise room around for him like i know he wanted....he walks in the door and goes and i almost got you flowers....does it count that i thought about it.....NO

I can relate a little.. FH is a bit laid back but you need to involve him.. Sometimes you need to tell them how you want things done and what part they should play in the relationship...

For the beginning few years I was the one doing everything.. But now we are into our second house and we need two brains not one!! I have to involve him and give him responsibilities and other duties for the wedding as well. Its a job but its all worth it when you see that your hard work has paid off. FM if you want to vent.. It will all be OK...

Awwwww

First off, some guys aren't into that stuff. I had a BF who was like that and I didn't get it. HOWEVER, I think it's something you need to express to him. You need to tell him how you feel. Now, you can't change someone totally but he could try and make an effort.

We've talked about stuff like this a million times and I told him I was disappointed in the proposal too. His redo was during our e-pics. He asked me before we left where the ring box was and I knew exactly why he wanted to know and I said no, I dont' like that idea. Well he did anyway and I couldn't hear a word he said because the photog was shouting directions at me.

We've had this discussion a million times and it never seems to get me anywhere.

I'll stop complaining now. Thank you for the support. I just wanted to make sure I'm not living in a fantasy world where women are treated like women. For reasons I won't go into here, FH is my first relationship and sometimes he makes it seem like my expectations of flowers once in a blue moon is too much.

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Posted by flairforfashion

Awwwww

First off, some guys aren't into that stuff. I had a BF who was like that and I didn't get it. HOWEVER, I think it's something you need to express to him. You need to tell him how you feel. Now, you can't change someone totally but he could try and make an effort.

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ITA I always tease my brother because he is not mushy or romantic and he thinks me and FH are crazy because we are always exchanging text messages, cards and notes around the house. My brother is truly in love with his gf but doesn't get 'it' . Try leaving him a little note somewhere that will surprise him or a cute text out of the blue.
Good luck and know we are here for you!!

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Posted by Karsav7096

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Posted by flairforfashion

Awwwww

First off, some guys aren't into that stuff. I had a BF who was like that and I didn't get it. HOWEVER, I think it's something you need to express to him. You need to tell him how you feel. Now, you can't change someone totally but he could try and make an effort.

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ITA I always tease my brother because he is not mushy or romantic and he thinks me and FH are crazy because we are always exchanging text messages, cards and notes around the house. My brother is truly in love with his gf but doesn't get 'it' . Try leaving him a little note somewhere that will surprise him or a cute text out of the blue.
Good luck and know we are here for you!!

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Believe me, showing what I want by example was not effective. In the beginning, I was all over that. i would buy him little things, leave him notes, send him texts and emails, the whole deal. Didn't work.

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Posted by MrsList09

We've talked about stuff like this a million times and I told him I was disappointed in the proposal too. His redo was during our e-pics. He asked me before we left where the ring box was and I knew exactly why he wanted to know and I said no, I dont' like that idea. Well he did anyway and I couldn't hear a word he said because the photog was shouting directions at me.

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It sounds like he was trying to give you a more romantic proposal and you shot him down....IMO and I dont mean to be harsh but you asked him to be more romantic, he tried in his way, and you said 'no thats not what I want' so what is he to do? he made the effort and you were mad, no effort, your mad...he might feel like whats the point of trying? when I tried she didnt like it anyway just playing devils advocate HTH

OO GOD..I KNOW...my fh...is like that too..i just had a whole conversation with him the other day and was frustrated...too.....
speak to him..let him know how u feel sometimes it takes..many trials..to get to them!!!!!!!!!

I think most of us are in the same boat.

As long as I can remember my fh has only said one really sweet think to me.

I can understand what you're going through. Was he always like this? My FH started out a lot more affectionate and thoughtful, and then as time went on, it's tapered off. It's gotten worse since we've been engaged. I was crying the other day because he actually put his arm around me, and I was so stunned by it that I just started to cry, and when he asked me why, I said that it's because he never shows much affection any more of does anything thoughtful. His answer? It happens. Then said he's SOL if he doesn't, and SOL if he does, since I cry either way. UGH. So I can completely understand what you're feeling.