FH step-father(sorry-long)

I want to start this off by saying that I wasn't going to post about this but I'm really upset about it and could use the vent and the advice.

I was sitting at work yesterday when all of sudden an email pops up in my inbox from FH screen name. It came in at like 11am(Fh is at work and I spoke to him at work 5 minutes prior to getting the email)
the email said such hurtful things, It was typed like it was coming from FH-in the email it called me names, made fun of my weight, told me that he didnt want to marry me and just some really horrible things.

after discussing this with fh, we agreed that we think FH step-father(or should I say FH's mothers husband cause FH was 20 when they got married)is responsible for it- he figured out what FH password was and typed me an email poseing as FH, hopeing to cause a huge fight between us. He doesnt want us to get married and has been very vocal about it in the past-
FH is going to talk to him about it this weekend and I just dont know what to make of it or do about it-I am really hurt by all of this and couldnt imagine ANYONE doing something so horrible.

if you dont want to reply on the boards, please feel free to FM me.

thanks 4 letting me vent.

I'm so sorry! I would not want this man at my wedding. Will it cause huge family drama if he is excluded?

Well, unless you can positively prove it was him, I don't think anyone should say anything. Without the proff, accusing him of doing something will just spark more arguments and he will deny deny deny.

My thoughts are just to let it go. I am sure it was probably him, but you will most likely not be able to prove it.

But what does FH mother feel about your wedding?

Who is he to decide whether or not his wife's son from her first marriage gets married? He had no part in raising your FH. He should keep his mouth shut. I would talk to FMIL and let her know what her husband did. That's just not right.

that's a horrible thing to do!
what kind of a person would do such a thing?

i'm just happy that you have a wonderful FH who you knew couldn't have written that...and who is willing to stand by you and get to the bottom of it
good luck!

I agree with fashionbag. Although I would be majorly upset about it, I would probably have to let it go. You know your FH didn't write it and you know he loves you. Calling your DH's mothers husband out on it would give him too much satisfaction and it would give him exactly what he wants, a fight, except he'll deny it and it will cause a fight with your DH and his mother. You just have to ignore stupidity and ignorance. All that matters is your DH loves you and you are marrying him. Everyone else can take a flying leap!!!

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Posted by fashionhag

...But what does FH mother feel about your wedding?

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Yes, what are her thoughts, is she happy for you both, or does she share her husband's feelings.... Does she even know that her husband feels this way towards you?

I hope your FH talking to his step-father will clear things up.

Not sure if FMIL knows about it, but I doubt she would do anything about it cause she is 1 of those people who does WHATEVER her husband tells her to do... (ex: as soon as she gets her paycheck-she signs it over to him&doesnt see a penny of it)

I would love to not have him come to the wedding, Hey-ya never know-they didnt show at the engagement party so....

That was a terrible thing to do. It will probably be hard for you to prove it was him but if you can, I would confront him. Try not to let it upset you too much. Remember the most important thing is you and FH.

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Posted by nervousbride15

Not sure if FMIL knows about it, but I doubt she would do anything about it cause she is 1 of those people who does WHATEVER her husband tells her to do... (ex: as soon as she gets her paycheck-she signs it over to him&doesnt see a penny of it)

I would love to not have him come to the wedding, Hey-ya never know-they didnt show at the engagement party so....

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Ok, that I have to reiterate my feelings that here is no point to bring this up to FMIL to FMIL's husband. Because I feel that in all honesty, it's not going to accomplish anything but cause fights and more problems within the family.

I would suggest to at least wait until after the wedding. You dont want to cause more stress while you are supposed to celebrating this happy time in your life.

But I have to ask, how would the step-father find out FH email password?

Oh that is awful.

If you know for SURE that it was him I would retract his invitation and inform your hall's security to toss him out in case he shows up. But I am really mean that way...I don't need anyone at my wedding who is not supportive of my marriage, no matter who they are.

I'm so sorry this happened to you & I can completely understand why you'd be upset. I agree with th other girls I would try to ignore BUT thats sooo much easier to say than do. You & your FI need to decide together whether this is something you want to act on or not.

I'm sure this is extreme but maybe it'll help - My neighbor got married & after all the discouragement from her F-step-FIL she disinvited him. In the end the FMIL showed but he didnt. They really enjoyed their day knowing he wasn't there & FMIL didnt even notice after the envents started to roll on. I think she said maybe 5-6 people asked where he was total cause NOOOO one else missed him either!

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Posted by fashionhag

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Posted by nervousbride15

Not sure if FMIL knows about it, but I doubt she would do anything about it cause she is 1 of those people who does WHATEVER her husband tells her to do... (ex: as soon as she gets her paycheck-she signs it over to him&doesnt see a penny of it)

I would love to not have him come to the wedding, Hey-ya never know-they didnt show at the engagement party so....

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Ok, that I have to reiterate my feelings that here is no point to bring this up to FMIL to FMIL's husband. Because I feel that in all honesty, it's not going to accomplish anything but cause fights and more problems within the family.

I would suggest to at least wait until after the wedding. You dont want to cause more stress while you are supposed to celebrating this happy time in your life.

But I have to ask, how would the step-father find out FH email password?

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I agree, wait til after the wedding. Save a copy of the e-mail. Does this guy work?? I would call the internet company and try to get the IP address of where the e-mail was sent from. If you can get the proof, then definitely call him out on it!! But you say your FMIL does whatever and anything he says, so confronting him now, he'll just deny it and she'll believe him and then you probably won't have to worry about either of them being at your wedding!

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

If you know for SURE that it was him I would retract his invitation and inform your hall's security to toss him out in case he shows up. But I am really mean that way...I don't need anyone at my wedding who is not supportive of my marriage, no matter who they are.

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I hate to admit it b/c its a hard thing to say - but couldnt agree more...

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Posted by FoxHollowbride0617

That was a terrible thing to do. It will probably be hard for you to prove it was him but if you can, I would confront him. Try not to let it upset you too much. Remember the most important thing is you and FH.

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Yeah, if you can prove it, I would definitely confront him. No one should be allowed to to do something as hurtful as that.
You don't have to have a big brawl over it, but in front of your FMIL and FH, you should say that you know that he did this. Hopefully he will feel embarassed when he is in front of an audience.
Either way, do what you feel is right. But I just don't think you should 'let it go.'
Good Luck!


ETS: Sometimes 'being the bigger person' by letting things go is BS. Standing up for yourself makes you the better person.
I say this out of experience. My FH's oldest brother hates me because of my nationality. So what am I supposed to do, pay $110 for him to have a fabulous evening of dinner and dancing. Hell no, he's not invited.
In your case, (based on what you have told us) an open conversation with the family may be all that needs to be done. Your wedding day should be filled with people you love, and who love and support you and your FH.

Not for nothing, but if you, or FH were to say something, it wouldn't be YOU causing problems... it would have been him. The step-father was the one to address the nasty email, not you. The fact that you would react to it is perfectly acceptable, in my book (for every action, there's a REaction).

However, you don't have substantial proof that he in fact sent that email. Knowing me, I'd probably plant a trick (maybe act like we'd broken up, and have FH seek the step-father for 'comfort' to see if he'd fess up, or even reply to the email saying something like that you didn't want to marry into his family, including the step-father, anyway).

I would agree with the other girls who say talk to them about it if and only if you had proof. But again, unless you can get this, there is no point. It will be your word against his and since there will be no evidence, you will lose (if you FMIL is exactly as you state). So what would be the point? What would it accomplish? Would it make you feel better? Maybe, but maybe not.

Someone else suggested getting the IP address of the perpatrator. That's a good idea if you want to get proof.

What could she possibly lose? An a**hole step-father that tried to mess up a sacred union? Or the MIL that supports and backs up an idiot like that!?

Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

ETA: If ur FH's email is through AOL, I believe you can track down the IP address through them. Try calling them.

but if the e-mail came from Fh screen name-then wouldnt it show as his Ip address?
he has a screen name(for which he rarely uses) but it's on the same computer as the step father and FH younger brothers.

Fh thinks he could of gotten the password by standing near him once whil FH was logging on or he has so much free time on his hands that he sat there and figured it out.

I can see both sides of the story-let it go or say something to him... I am still hurt by it all and dunno what to do

thanks for your help though-I appreciate it.