FH Vent....

So last night I brought up the topic of our honeymoon and $$$$

So I began with saying that I dont want to skimp on our HM and its going to be pricey so I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page on really cracking down and saving our $$ each paycheck. (Even though we dont even know where we are going yet)

So he freaks out on me about how we are spending x amount on our wedding, which is '5 hours of our life.' (That sentence really upset me)
And how he feels the HM is 'secondary' to me. This isnt true at all. It is just as important!

Then he goes into, I wanted a small wedding and its not now. UM, Im sorry, you were with me every step of the process. I didnt plan or pick a single thing without his input and he chose our RH with me and we both decided on it, knowing the price per head, along with every other vendor!
So Im a tad confused as to why he is huffing and puffing about things now....

Then he got mean and I started crying, as I tend to do, as I am sensitive and physically cant help it. He makes me feel like an idiot for crying and getting upset.
And it just escalated from there, to thats all I wanna talk about and wedding this, HM that....
SO I said OK dbag, Im done planning, you take it from here. ( not really meaning it, but said it cause I was angry and hurt)

So here I am today, upset and frustrated at work... AND we work in the same office, oh joy!
What do I do?
Sorry so long, Thanks for listening girls!

Is this the first time he's brought up what he told you lastnight? Is he going through some personal/work related issues and maybe is taking it out on you?

I would let both of you cool off during work today and then sit down with him and talk it through. It can get stressful at times, but you definately want to make sure you're both on the same page about everything.

Sorry, I know that's not the best advice, but I've found if you give it a few hours/day for both parties to cool off, it normally helps to sit down and then talk about it.

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Posted by adelz



Is this the first time he's brought up what he told you lastnight? Is he going through some personal/work related issues and maybe is taking it out on you?

I would let both of you cool off during work today and then sit down with him and talk it through. It can get stressful at times, but you definately want to make sure you're both on the same page about everything.

Sorry, I know that's not the best advice, but I've found if you give it a few hours/day for both parties to cool off, it normally helps to sit down and then talk about it.

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This...

This sort of happened with me, but not on such a big scale. It happened over flowers. FH and I went to the initial florist appointment together. Then 7 months later he tells me that he never wanted high centerpieces. That he was just saying yes to them because he saw that I was happy.

Maybe this is what your Fh is feeling.

Is he stressed out or is anything else going on that would have made him blow up like that? Maybe he is stressed out or not feeling good and just not saying it? I would give it time.. Both of you need some cool off time.. I would def try to sit down when the time is right and talk about it all.. Its apparent that there are certain things bothering him and maybe he let it all bottle up inside and then he exploded which wasnt the best thing he could have done. Try to talk it out.. dont worry things will be ok. Wedding Planning can sometimes put a lot of stress on couples and it can cause little arguments or huge ones. You will get thru it!

oh no! i'm sorry you have to go through this.
it could be that now that it is 2011, it has really started to sink in for him that its this year and you have to crack down and save some more.
he could just be a bit insecure about the money and since he was already stressed out about it, you m ight have brought up the topic at a bad time for him and he took it out on you, unfortunately.
let things cool over for now and try talking to him again about things tonight or tomorrow with a clear and level head. no accusations, crying or yelling, just sit down and discuss what you are comfrotable spending (you can always add things along later when things have blown over) and ask him why now, all of a sudden, he is having issued spending the money when he was ok with it when you chose and reserved all of your vendors.

Thanks girls! He is always stressed about something! So I figured, ok the semester is over, maybe now is a better time to deal with some stuff. Guess I was wrong, and it isnt fair sometimes!
But thank u for ur advice! I will see how things go.

We had a fight like that maybe 7-8 months ago.

after we initially got over it he would make little cracks about it every once and a while.. then it kind of just blew over.

fm me if u want to discuss.

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Posted by rendel

I'm sorry Randi, I had no idea!! You should have came over to me, I'm just around the corner!!!!! I guess this explains why Steve was asking me today where we were going for our honeymoon. I think he does care he just gets POed just like every FH. Danny and I got into an argument on Sunday about the ceremony music and I was like 'you know what song you can play at the ceremony go f*** yourself!!!!' It was pretty funny! Money brings out the demon spawn in everyone! What matters most is that the both of you love each other and will be married!!!!!!

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Well you kinda sit in a location that doesnt lend itself to me talking about Steve, lol. But i am very upset and here we are 24hrs later and nothing is better.
Ill talk to u tomorrow if he isnt around, thank u darling

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Posted by bebita0830

ayayay girly! money is never an exciting topic unless u've just won the lottery. Are u guys planning the HM right after the wedding? maybe u can have the HM a few months after the wedding so u can have enough time to save money for it

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his 'problem' is that the hm and $ for it should be as important as $ for the wedding.
I never said it wasnt I was just checking in to make sure he is aware of how much the hm will cost about and he went off, assuming I didnt care as much about HM....Then it escalates and all goes to sh*t

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Posted by jgold910

My FH wants a small wedding (200 people later) and brings it up every time we fight - they just know how to push our buttons....it will blow over and he will apologize - FH is obsessed with HM because he feels like he can have some control over that (SOME) - where my family is not involved in decisions....maybe this is why he's upset?

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He has say in everything!!! I didnt make a single decision (besides my dress and bm dresses) without him!
Well after our fight I told him I was done and it was up to him... should be interesting