FH Vent

Sorry girls...i just have to get it off my chest.

FH and I went to look at tuxedos for the first time today. I have literally been asking him to go for like a month now. Now, a little side note, FH has been completely not involved in this wedding planning process. He could really care less and doesn't care about anything...except tuxedos. So he thinks that just because he chose not to be involved in everything else that I shouldn't have a say in the tuxedos. Well let me tell you, I am not paying $5000 for a photographer so that my pictures look like a three-ring circus! I don't want to offend anyone if its what you chose/like....but i absolutely hate bow-ties. My FH is 5'6'' and built. He is too short to wear a bow-tie!!! And, all of his GM are short! He is completely out of his mind. So anyway, we are in the tuxedo place and I keep asking him, well which jacket do you like, which vest, which style, etc. And he doesn't ever open his mouth!! He constantly taking out his phone and looking on it. Ugh which is another thing that drives me nuts! What is so F***ing important on that phone! I want to take it and flush it down the toilet! So we leave the place and in the parking lot he tells me he really wants bow-ties and suspenders because its really italian and looks 'gangsta.' Is he kidding! Have you ever seen Tony Soprano in a bowtie! He will look absolutely ridiculous. Then he proceeds to tell me that I cannot dictate to him what he wears and that I have no say. I told him wrong! I do have a say. Just because he chose not to be involved in everything else, does not mean I have to back down on this. Then he tells me i'm a spoiled brat and a real bridezilla. Every decision I make I asked him first and his answer was always 'whatever you want, i don't care.' Well ya know what, i'm not gonna roll over and let this go. i have been dreaming about my wedding for 20 years. He doesn't even think about it for a minute. I just spent the better part of a year planning, designing, and making decisions on my own. I am not gonna let him ruin the whole thing by picking the one thing I really can't stand! Ugh.

Sorry so long girls. I am just really stressing. I just spent about an hour crying because I just don't know what to do. It's not fair. I'm not spending tens-of thousands of dollars for him to ruin my pictures. I don't want to look back at my pictures and cry because they are in bowties.

Again I sincerely apologize to those whose FHs are wearing bowties. My fiance is just too short and muscular and will look like a monkey. Tall, thin guys look awesome in them!

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Posted by angelscri

Sorry you are dealing with this. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I am in the EXACT same situation. My Fh is completely uninvolved in the planning process. Would you believe that he had told all of his groomsmen that they could wear whatever suit they already owned as long as they were all black????? I WENT CRAZYYYYY WHEN I FOUND THIS OUT. When we went to look at the tuxedos last month, he decided he wanted a one button jacket rather than a 2 button, and he wanted to wear a silver vest rather than a white one. Ugh, I eventually just let him do what he want. It was not worth arguing with him. Hope both of our fh's change their minds.

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I know this may sound weird...but i'm glad someone else is having the same stupid problem! They just don't understand that this day is something we dream about. Its not about being controlling or bridezilla, its about the fact that we only get one wedding and we want it to be the way we've always dreamed.

I'm so sorry sweetie. I completely agree about the bow tie thing - I HATE them. Perhaps you can explain to him that bow ties are kind of out of style. I mean they are very traditional and all, but quite atypical. Maybe show him some pictures of recent weddings, or bring up weddings you've been to, or magazines - something to help prove your point.


I can say that FH has agreed that bow ties are kind of 'dorky', but both his brother (BM) and father - think otherwise.

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Posted by Ellynrose

I'm so sorry sweetie. I completely agree about the bow tie thing - I HATE them. Perhaps you can explain to him that bow ties are kind of out of style. I mean they are very traditional and all, but quite atypical. Maybe show him some pictures of recent weddings, or bring up weddings you've been to, or magazines - something to help prove your point.


I can say that FH has agreed that bow ties are kind of 'dorky', but both his brother (BM) and father - think otherwise.

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the fact that they are old fashioned is why he likes it. he likes that its different. i dont think he realizes how dorky it is!

This is a very interesting thread. My FH has been chewing this over for weeks now, and I must admit, I am having a bit of a difficult time helping him make his decision. Initially, he wasn't even considering a bow tie--it was going to be an ivory satin tie and the GM were going to wear black satin ties, which he was going to buy them as part of their gifts.

Recently, he's gotten into the bow ties; which I like too and have no qualms about whatsoever. However, his isssue is that he would like to wear it in black, not white. Which would make it very difficult to distinguish him from the GM, since they would obviously be in black bow ties as well. soooo, we have yet to make a decision.

My advice to you is to let him make the 'executive decision', as my FH and I like to call it. I know you have your issues with it, burst the end of the day, its his wedding too. If he's kinda taken a backseat to much of the planning process, let him have what he wants for his accessory.

Let me make myself clear, I don't agree with his 'rationale' or that whole 'gangsta' nonsense. All I'm saying is, if he truly loves it, turn the other cheek and let him have it. I think he would really appreciate it.

I know my FH will look like the most handsome man in the world that day, no matter what he chooses...If it were me, I'd just want him to be happy and feel amazing.

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511

This is a very interesting thread. My FH has been chewing this over for weeks now, and I must admit, I am having a bit of a difficult time helping him make his decision. Initially, he wasn't even considering a bow tie--it was going to be an ivory satin tie and the GM were going to wear black satin ties, which he was going to buy them as part of their gifts.

Recently, he's gotten into the bow ties; which I like too and have no qualms about whatsoever. However, his isssue is that he would like to wear it in black, not white. Which would make it very difficult to distinguish him from the GM, since they would obviously be in black bow ties as well. soooo, we have yet to make a decision.

My advice to you is to let him make the 'executive decision', as my FH and I like to call it. I know you have your issues with it, burst the end of the day, its his wedding too. If he's kinda taken a backseat to much of the planning process, let him have what he wants for his accessory.

Let me make myself clear, I don't agree with his 'rationale' or that whole 'gangsta' nonsense. All I'm saying is, if he truly loves it, turn the other cheek and let him have it. I think he would really appreciate it.

I know my FH will look like the most handsome man in the world that day, no matter what he chooses...If it were me, I'd just want him to be happy and feel amazing.

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i dont want to look at my pictures and see bowties. Maybe i'm being a b****. I do not want to look at them! I hate everything about them.

I agree on the bow ties- this is why FH and I decided they would all get 2 button black suits, and we would supply them with shirts and ties and keep it a bit informal!

Why does he think that looks good?

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Posted by Jennielee15

FH doesn't even want me involved in the guys wardrobe! He says it's his contribution to the party! So annoying! I know what he wants and i aprove, but if he decides at the last minute to change things up and get tuxes instead of tan suits, I might scream! He also doesn't want to doa collor scheme thing and match my girls. Which I am totally fine with, I will tie them in with the flowers. I say let your point be heard and then let him have his way. It's not worth the fight! JMHO

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oh my god..i could not let him do it on his own! he has no sense of style and will pick something totally ridiculous. i seriously dont trust him to do it right. he has no interest in the wedding and no idea of what is appropriate and whats not.

I didn't realize you felt THIS strongly about it. In that case, I'd say talk to him and explain how important this is to you and why. He may not agree with you, but that shouldn't be your goal. You should just try to come across genuine and sincere and hope that he'll be empathetic.

I hope it turns out in your favor, but I assure you, even if he fights you on it, your pictures will not be 'ruined' and neither will you wedding

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511

I didn't realize you felt THIS strongly about it. In that case, I'd say talk to him and explain how important this is to you and why. He may not agree with you, but that shouldn't be your goal. You should just try to come across genuine and sincere and hope that he'll be empathetic.

I hope it turns out in your favor, but I assure you, even if he fights you on it, your pictures will not be 'ruined' and neither will you wedding

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Posted by JTG4EVER

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Posted by Jennielee15

FH doesn't even want me involved in the guys wardrobe! He says it's his contribution to the party! So annoying! I know what he wants and i aprove, but if he decides at the last minute to change things up and get tuxes instead of tan suits, I might scream! He also doesn't want to doa collor scheme thing and match my girls. Which I am totally fine with, I will tie them in with the flowers. I say let your point be heard and then let him have his way. It's not worth the fight! JMHO

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oh my god..i could not let him do it on his own! he has no sense of style and will pick something totally ridiculous. i seriously dont trust him to do it right. he has no interest in the wedding and no idea of what is appropriate and whats not.

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Thats why I put his stylish GM in charge of taking FH shopping and to help him with suggestions. My plan is to take said GM to Men's Wearhouse beforehand and pick out what we like, then have him talk FH into thinking he likes them! HAHAHA!

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Posted by Jennielee15

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Posted by JTG4EVER

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Posted by Jennielee15

FH doesn't even want me involved in the guys wardrobe! He says it's his contribution to the party! So annoying! I know what he wants and i aprove, but if he decides at the last minute to change things up and get tuxes instead of tan suits, I might scream! He also doesn't want to doa collor scheme thing and match my girls. Which I am totally fine with, I will tie them in with the flowers. I say let your point be heard and then let him have his way. It's not worth the fight! JMHO

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oh my god..i could not let him do it on his own! he has no sense of style and will pick something totally ridiculous. i seriously dont trust him to do it right. he has no interest in the wedding and no idea of what is appropriate and whats not.

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Thats why I put his stylish GM in charge of taking FH shopping and to help him with suggestions. My plan is to take said GM to Men's Wearhouse beforehand and pick out what we like, then have him talk FH into thinking he likes them! HAHAHA!

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thats a great plan! i tried that. but stupid best man has no balls! he said 'i have to go with what he wants, its his wedding.' well its my wedding too!

You gotta talk it out with him, Hun. For the life of him, FH couldn't understand why in the world I wanted to upgrade our cake. He was especially pissed because our reception hall comes with a cake!

In any event, Oheka has one cake in particular that I've been obsessed with nearly as long as I've been obsessed with Oheka, and it's my dream cake and I haven't even got the words to describe how out of this world it is.

Anyway, I made it clear that I would cut corners elsewhere, and I have (were not doing a limo, for example), but it took some time for this to become mutually understood. You just have to talk to him and give solid reasons for why you feel the way you do, just to increase his chances of understanding you.

Men are logical, so try a more concrete, matter of fact approach. I hope this alleviates a bit of your anxiety....

luv the way u ended this vent!

FH is not letting me see his tux either, he has been very flexible on the wedding (what I want for the wedding), but regarding his tux, he doesn't want any suggestions. I love, love, love cut away tuxedos and I've tried to sell this idea to FH like u wouldn't believe but he's not really into them, and I kinda have to trust his good judgement on what he chooses just because this is something he really wants to do on his own and he has let me choose whatever I want for the wedding.

I know u've said u don't like bow ties on guys that are not too tall, but maybe once u see ur FH wearing one, it doesn't look bad. Or how about u guys meet have way and maybe he can wear suspenders but no bow tie, have u tried this?

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Posted by bebita0830

luv the way u ended this vent!

FH is not letting me see his tux either, he has been very flexible on the wedding (what I want for the wedding), but regarding his tux, he doesn't want any suggestions. I love, love, love cut away tuxedos and I've tried to sell this idea to FH like u wouldn't believe but he's not really into them, and I kinda have to trust his good judgement on what he chooses just because this is something he really wants to do on his own and he has let me choose whatever I want for the wedding.

I know u've said u don't like bow ties on guys that are not too tall, but maybe once u see ur FH wearing one, it doesn't look bad. Or how about u guys meet have way and maybe he can wear suspenders but no bow tie, have u tried this?

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i did! I tried that and he said 'you have no say and i dont wanna hear what you think.'

Well that is not the way to handle this!