He keeps saying lets elope and then we'll have the big wedding. Its not that I have a problem with eloping, but the wedding is really important to me. I'm just scared that if we elope, he'll put the wedding on the back burner.
This is my second marriage. My first wedding was in a ladies apartment in NYC. I never had the big wedding thing and even though I don't want an over the top wedding, I still want to wear the dress and have my fam and friends around.
Its almost as though we are bartering about the wedding. He says if we elope, we can save on taxes and use money towards the wedding. Plus he brings up points like I won't have to pay for private insurance every month and things like that. I'm not scared to marry him, I made that mistake before and this time I am positive, but I don't want to risk losing my big wedding.
He offered to sign a contract that we'd still have it, but how do I really make him see how important it is to me?
Suzanner
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Just look at him and say 'Can you not tell how important this is to me? I understand your points, but I have been looking forward to this forever, and want to do it the right way. Every time you bring this up, it hurts my heart.' And regarding that contract, what are you going to do, take him to court if after you elope, he 'just doesn't have the money'- or 'we can save on taxes if we do it next year?'
MrsCastanedain09
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
He makes absolute sense and it's VERY logical. Men are GREAT at being ABSOLUTELY logical and infusing zero sentiment into their decision.
I went through something similar. My FH and I were engaged in September. He wanted to have a BBQ in May and a nice party....uhm YEA! He cited the economy, tax benefits, money that could be applied towards our future home.
You're not alone. Just have the heart to heart with him, set a budget (ball park) and maybe shorten the planning time? I have faith he will come around.
wo0shply
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
I wanted to elope and he wanted the wedding. Maybe just a suggestion is to book a big vendor and start planning before you elope so he cant back out of the wedding.
Mmnnng
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Thanks! You both make good points!
Its not that he doesn't know how important it is to me and he would give me everything under the sun tomorrow if he could. BUT HE IS BEING LOGICAL!
Typical male I suppose...lol.
Eloping would save us nearly $15,000 on taxes so that is half the money for the wedding...so I get his point! He has no write-offs. I'm off the books with a house, two kids, school loans, and private insurance.
He is def. Mr. Logical! I'm just scared that once we're married, the wedding will be not so important and the money we save will go towards other things
QUIA
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Posted by wo0shply
I wanted to elope and he wanted the wedding. Maybe just a suggestion is to book a big vendor and start planning before you elope so he cant back out of the wedding.
Exactly!! Book now for a Later date.. then he cant back out.. but a date much further from now so he can do the logical things like save on taxes, your health care etc etc... I think that would def work!
MrsList09
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
You should agree that once you have deposits down on all of your vendors (especially the RH), then you can elope. Once the wedding is actually planned, he can't avoid it. Then you can save on your taxes and all that without having to wait the year or two until the big wedding day comes.
SummerBride10
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
My Fh has suggested more than once we get married now so I'm covered under his health insurance (I dont have any) but I really dont want to. I just told him thats its not the same. Even if we dont tell anyone we still know we're married already. Another big thing is that both our families want us to have the big wedding. So that helped convince him too.
JSG10506
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
he makes a lot of sense in the fact that you may save money because you won't have to pay such bills as separate health insurance & that will give you extra $$ for your wedding. FH & I will be married before our actual wedding to save money on certain things. That being said though, I would explain to him that this is VERY important to you, and that you don't want anything being put on the back burner. Sit and listen to his reasons why eloping first would be smart to him but make sure to express that you two WILL be having a wedding even if you are eloped at the time you've been planning for.
KittyGags
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
I don't understand how being married saves you guys money on taxes? Generally once you combine incomes you get taxed more, obviously depending on your incomes? We're trying to still file single in 09 even though we're getting married in Sept...in fact, we might continue to file single as long as we can!
The health insurance part I get...
tammi2308
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
A lot of men feel like, saving $$ towards a home and your future is much more important than spending it on a wedding bc he cost these days is $$$. AND this does make complete logical sense. Tell him how important and meaningful is it to you to have this wedding. Also, show him how you are not planning on having a big lavish wedding and set a budget that you are both comfortable with and stick to it. There have to be ways to compromise on this. Plus, the previous poster was correct, once you are married you DO get taxed more. Unless, you have a large investment already.
Espo22
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Posted by KittyGags
I don't understand how being married saves you guys money on taxes? Generally once you combine incomes you get taxed more, obviously depending on your incomes? We're trying to still file single in 09 even though we're getting married in Sept...in fact, we might continue to file single as long as we can!
The health insurance part I get...
no you get less taken out of your paycheck when you are married and not filing as single. You get alot more taken out when you are single. I am so glad i want have to file as single anymore, they were taking out over 600 each paycheck of mine. When you have to pay taxes in april though you might have to pay a little more so this is when it comes into effect. But honestly not like you get alot back if you are single. The more you make the less of a refund you get too. I got back $2k last year and it was a joke considering i would have about $1200-1500 taken out each month from paycheck, so what I got back in a refund was basically lets say 2 months of taxes they took out and actually less than 2 months. I would've much rather have less taken out than to get just $2k as a refund considering that they took out a bit over $12k in taxes for the year. Also once you have kids the more dependents you have the less they take out of your paycheck. What I care about is how much is taken out of my paycheck.
However if you own property thrn filing single can help bc you can get a decent amount back then. But at the same time its still not close to what they take out a year from you
MrsList09
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Posted by SummerBride10
My Fh has suggested more than once we get married now so I'm covered under his health insurance (I dont have any) but I really dont want to. I just told him thats its not the same. Even if we dont tell anyone we still know we're married already. Another big thing is that both our families want us to have the big wedding. So that helped convince him too.
We're married legally but only a few people know (our parents, my sister). The wedding was already planned when we got married, we only did it for the benefits so FH could start school this fall. Even though we joke about it, we usually forget that we're legally married. It doesn't even feel like we are because we haven't gone through the vows and all that. We actually got married in Colorado though where all you have to do is sign the marriage license and have witnesses sign and you're married. So that helped because there was no officiant, we just married ourselves.
But if you'd save a lot of money in the long run, trust me, it's worth it to just do it and keep it on the DL.
meli722
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
The same way you typed it out , i would say , say it to FH...explain to him how important a large wedding would be to you, and it means a lot to you
Nitania13
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Posted by abrennan01
You should agree that once you have deposits down on all of your vendors (especially the RH), then you can elope. Once the wedding is actually planned, he can't avoid it. Then you can save on your taxes and all that without having to wait the year or two until the big wedding day comes.
I love this idea! Couldn't have said it better!!!!
Nitania13
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Re: FH wants to elope.....how do I explain to him
Btw - as for insurance goes he should find out what his company's policy on Domestic Partnership is. My FH is covered under my health insurance 100% (med, dental & vision) as though he were a spouse b/c of domestic partnership. Legally heterosexuals are entitled to the same rights as homosexuals b/c you can't discriminate against heterosexuals (just like you can't for homosexuals). He should really look into his company & insurance carriers bi-laws. Or FM me & I tell you what to have him ask his HR people.
