FH works late alot - still not home

roxyvelas Posted: Aug 16, 2006 08:54 PM

FH works late alot - still not home

I have to vent.....Fh works late a lot and I worry that when we have kids I won't get much help because he'll always be working. How do I deal?

citycrab705 Posted: Aug 16, 2006 09:10 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

i don't know but i sympathize because i have the same problem, he works late hours a lot and then when he comes home he just passes out on the couch,

roxyvelas Posted: Aug 16, 2006 09:12 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

If he's working he goes to bed at 10:30 so even if he comes home now, I only see him for like an hour. It *****!

ant n tilde Posted: Aug 16, 2006 09:24 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

i completely understand

FH works from 6am to 10pm in the summer - it makes me so sad!

ABGS06 Posted: Aug 16, 2006 10:54 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

Well I am glad that I am not alone. My DH works in the city. He doesn't get home until 7:00 at the earliest. I am lucky if he gets home by 7:00. Then we have dinner and he is in bed my 10ish. I only get to spend 3 hours with him. But it is like we are not even together, because during those 3 hours he is on the computer, talking on the phone, or watching baseball. I am trying to get use to it, but sometimes I feel lonely. I just wish he didn't work in the city. If he is still working in the city by the time we have kids I am going to feel like a single mom. He is going to miss out on things, like little league games. But I have to stop and think that he is supporting me right now and he is making good money. I try hard not to complain but it is not easy.

Sept06bride Posted: Aug 17, 2006 01:51 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

I totally understand. my FH works till about 9 - 10 pm monday - thursday but is home on fridays at
4 - 4:30 and has off Sat. and Sun. We do have a son together and it does get hard at times but i understand (now, and this took a while) it's his job and it's what he has to do .... I just keep myself busy with wedding planning and I've become used to it.... don't know what I will do when the wedding is over... I'll have to pick up a new hobby...lol

SweetCin704 Posted: Aug 17, 2006 07:45 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

I can totally relate....FH leaves at 630 & is usually home by 930 in the summer (but he's making crazy OT) & right now we need the $. We watched our nieces this weekend for 2 days & the first day he was 'helping' w/ them but then I lost it that night & said 'if its going to be like this, I'm not having kids' & the next day he was like a changed guy. He changed diapers (wet ones), fed them, read to them & put them to sleep. I think you have to talk about your concerns w/ him.

I was talking to my friends w/ kids & they said 'that's just how it is. You never feel they are doing enough & they'll read to them once or 'play' & they think they are doing so much--but they dont realize you are w/ them every moment of the day.'

It's a bit scary

roxyvelas Posted: Aug 17, 2006 08:44 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

I get an average of 2 hours with him during the week luckily on the weekend he's off. He's worried also that he won't have time with kids when we have them but w/o his job, we couldn't afford half the things we do. I guess I'll get used to it.

kittythestray Posted: Aug 17, 2006 09:23 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

Well, It's the opposite with us - I'm the one who works late a lot. I feel SO GUILTY because FH is alone and calls and asks when I'm coming home and misses me. I feel guilty ALL the time - he doesn't do it on purpose, but it still makes me feel bad. My boss has 4 kids and he works almost as much as I do - i feel REALLY bad for his kids and his wife - he misses them SO MUCH and feels SO BAD that he's not there.

LMFitz Posted: Aug 17, 2006 09:35 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

My DH works nights - so he sleeps during the day and leaves for work before I get home. Usually we go about 5-7 days without even laying eyes on each other. It's been incredibly difficult on us lately. Plus, on his off days, his body is still on a reverse schedule.....so he was off last night, but instead of keeping me awake all night, he went fishing and is just on his way home now. It stinks - but we deal with it.

roxyvelas Posted: Aug 17, 2006 09:47 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

I worry cause sometimes they say that if you get used to not seeing someone then when you do you're not comfortable anymore and you eventually rather be alone.

LMFitz Posted: Aug 17, 2006 10:51 AM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

Posted by roxyvelas

I worry cause sometimes they say that if you get used to not seeing someone then when you do you're not comfortable anymore and you eventually rather be alone.

I think that's a very reasonable fear. I think this is one of those situations where they always say that marriage takes some work! Good luck!

DandS Posted: Aug 17, 2006 12:00 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

Posted by LMFitz

I think this is one of those situations where they always say that marriage takes some work! Good luck!

That is so true!

ewickens Posted: Aug 17, 2006 12:08 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

When children come into the picture, that's when you figure out what will work for the TWO of you!! I would communiate this message to him, now.

I know FH found this disheartening about me when I stay at the office late until 8pm or 10pm, and when he told me how he felt, I told him that it was just for the time being while I finished a major project. When we have a family, things would be different, and I wouldn't volunteer at work for some of these projects.

ali120206 Posted: Aug 17, 2006 12:13 PM

Re: FH works late alot - still not home

My FH doesn't work late per se but, he's in the FDNY so he works a lot of nights and weekends. I work in the city so I usually leave around 6:30am and get home around 6:15pm (on a good day).

Sometimes I like the time to myself, I try to make sure to get out on time on the nights he's going to be around and save my working late nights for the ones when he's not around. It's hard because his schedule varies and some weeks he works a lot. If there's one day he wants to go out with his friends in the middle of this, it's tough.

ETA: We've discussed children and we are both going to have to make some adjustments schedule wise and we understand that.