FI dropped a bomb...

Oh no! When is it supposed to start? Any chance he can defer his start date if this is what he really wants to do? I'm so sorry. That s**ks!

Well, if its not what he wants, then maybe the two of you should sit down and figure out the pros and cons of going to the academy, or anything else for that matter. He should research the salaries, etc. of different kinds of police work if that is what he wants to continue doing.

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Posted by lauren721

I aprreciate the support I am receiving from some of you-- what others don't understand (and I am sorry I did not clarify) is that this is NOT his dream. He already is a cop and just started his job. He is new and the low man on the totem pole and isn't used to it and doesn't like not making so much money, etc.. I have been busting my *** (all ny myself) planning the wedding and have not asked him for any help. I have been so excited about this and looking forward to it for a long time. He knows this, and was not even thinking about anyting but his own impatience with his current state of affairs. If he gets on to be a State Trooper, there is a strong chance that we would have to move upstate, which he could never do, b/c he is a die hard surfer and surfs every day. He has said this more than once- he doesn't want to live there either. I am working on my doctorate (actually I will be next year) and I will in all likelihood, be the breadwinner anyway. Our family is here, I just sent out the save the dates, etc. He is impulsive and he doesn't see that he will be making just as much money where he is soon enough. He wants alot now, but no job pays you top dollar right off the bat.

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you have FM

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Posted by MissingTheBGene

Has he been wanting and preparing for this for a long time? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this is something that he has been longing for, his dream, then you should be supporting him on it. A wedding is something that can be done at a later time, but it should only symbolize your love and relationship with your FI. I can understand that you're upset about it, which is natural, all this planning and effort, but if you really love your FI and want to be with him, then I would try to support him in his decision, JIMO.

I know of some people who decided to get married by a Justice of the Peace, then after all is said in done with training or military leave, they had their wedding.

Good luck and try to stay positive!

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I couldn't agree more. He's trying to make a comfortable and successful future for the BOTH of you. You can't stop him from doing that....

Update--FI and I had a long talk and he agreed that it doesn't make sense at this time, so he deferred it. They probably have another academy starting in Nov. and he will most likely go for that.

I am very supportive of him and everything he does. This was just not practical, and the way he presented it to me was kind of mean and hurtful. I also overreacted, which makes sense now that I just got me period one hour ago! But thank you for all of your advice! It is appreciated!

I'm glad everything worked out!