He just notified me that he got called for the State Troopers and the academy is 6 months long and upstate, meaning we would have to cancel the wedding! I put my foot down and said thatd with or without him there, the wedding was going on! Then he told me that if he gets called for another academy, he will go, even if it interferes with the wedding! I am so upset and don't even want to do anyting else for the wedding if it might not even happen
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
oh no... thats a tough one! I think that they might be allowed to come home for the weekends though from the academy, or at least I am sure they would let him come home for his wedding!! Then maybe you could take your HM after he finishes the academy... Is there anyway he can call them in Albany and find out?
This is really a tough situation because you don't want something like this to fuel resentment later, but I can totally understand your being really upset over this..
MissingTheBGene
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
Has he been wanting and preparing for this for a long time? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this is something that he has been longing for, his dream, then you should be supporting him on it. A wedding is something that can be done at a later time, but it should only symbolize your love and relationship with your FI. I can understand that you're upset about it, which is natural, all this planning and effort, but if you really love your FI and want to be with him, then I would try to support him in his decision, JIMO.
I know of some people who decided to get married by a Justice of the Peace, then after all is said in done with training or military leave, they had their wedding.
Good luck and try to stay positive!
transamgirlie
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I'm sorry, how stressful! Honestly it is a hard decision to make, and don't get me wrong but I am sure he is thinking of the full picture. Unfourtunatly a wedding only lasts a few hours, however an opporturtunity to get placement where he wants it doesn't come up all that often. If he went with what you said then that is great and he loves you a million times more than you probably know, so hug him and let him know how much you love him back!
ChrissynRicky
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
Posted by MissingTheBGene
Has he been wanting and preparing for this for a long time? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this is something that he has been longing for, his dream, then you should be supporting him on it. A wedding is something that can be done at a later time, but it should only symbolize your love and relationship with your FI. I can understand that you're upset about it, which is natural, all this planning and effort, but if you really love your FI and want to be with him, then I would try to support him in his decision, JIMO.
I know of some people who decided to get married by a Justice of the Peace, then after all is said in done with training or military leave, they had their wedding.
Good luck and try to stay positive!
Very well stated. I completely agree.
JMHO: The wedding is for the BOTH of you, and asking FI to make a choice between his career/ambitions and the wedding will result in resentment in the future. The two of you need to be on the same page about the wedding - it can be moved, but a chance for the academy is something that might not come around again.
ali120206
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I totally feel your pain. My FH was contemplating a career change at one pt and it would have interfered with a ton of things. I was more upset though that it would be a massive pay cut and even though the money would increase eventually , it would take awhile to make up the money lost in the beginning.
First, breathe.
Second, these academies aren't set in stone, this might not end up even being an issue. He won't know for sure until he gets the letter in the mail.
Third, you have to contemplate would this be more beneficial for you/him now and or in the future? Is this a great opportunity for him (in my FH's case, I had to say no).
Lastly, since a lot of these academies give short notice, they usually make an exception for weddings since they are usually planned farther in advance. You might not be able to have a honeymoon but, the wedding should be ok. Sometimes too they let you take a honeymoon (you might not get much notice).
Soon2BeMrs2006
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I know how it is to have to cancel/put wedding on hold, I had to do it because my FH needs oral surgery this month and we had to push the date back from this Sept. to next May.
The wedding is for both of you, and as much as it might hurt and upset you if this was your FH's dream job then you should really be supporting him, how would you feel if it was vice versa wouldn't you want him supporting you?
leese
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
My FH did this a while back but we weren't engaged yet. It's a grueling process but if it is his dream, I think you need to stay positive for him.
I traveled each weekend to see him and help with however I could. It's difficult for the girlfriend/fiance/wife and the families as well.
That said, as a daugher of a police officer, I can tell you that you will have to get used to certain holidays/events/etc. of not having him there. It's a total lifestyle change. I was used to it - and am ok with the way things will be.
He can come home on the weekends, i believe.... is that not an option for you? you don't have to cancel the wedding... you just may not have him there to help with every little detail.
My FH lives in NJ and won't be here to help me with the final stuff (and i don't want him to!!!) - he's just coming that weekend to get hitched!
nygirl77
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I agree with everyone. I would have him check with Albany though - if anything, maybe you would just have to wait to go on your honeymoon.
diluvchu
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
Which part of the process is he in? Did he already go through all of the steps i.e. physical, medical, psychological, interview, etc. and now is finally ready for the academy or is he at the beginning or the process? You may still have time if he is at the beginning these process can take months to get the balls roll. Remember though to be positive for each other. These opportunities don't happen often for people. As for your wedding, depending on when that officially starts there may be ways of getting around that, people do all the time.
iffer042373
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I am sorry but I agree with everyone else on the boars and you should be more supportive so many people take the tests to become troppers and cops and only a handful make it and you should be proud your FH is one of those people. I am sure that they will let him come home for his wedding Just have him check. I am sure they aren't going to tell him no you can't go home for you wedding just may not be able to have a honeymoon right away like everyone said
LMFitz
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
MY FI finished the State Troopers Academy in August - so this hits really close to home for me. We delayed our wedding a year because of the Academy.
First off - IMO - you should be more supportive - this is his career for a lifetime. Yes your wedding is very important....but it's one day. There are just some things that are not negotiable - and I've learned the hard way the the State Troopers is one of them.
One of FI's friends from the Academy got married while in session. She came home on Friday night, got married on Saturday, and returned to Albany on Sunday. Is it ideal? Heck no - but it worked for them. Just remember - they have to come home every Friday evening....so while you may not be able to have a typical wedding/HM - you can still get married.
Lastly - it's a grueling process - for him and me! I watched my FI suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally. You need to be prepared to support him regardless! We looked at it as our 'for better or for worse' in advance of our actual vows. We're stronger today because of what we had to go through together.
If you have any specific questions - please don't hesitate to FM me.
ETA _ Also -did he just get called as in he's to report on a specific date? Or did he just egt the paperwork that says his number came up? From the time my FI's number came up - the process took 18 months! If he just was notified that he's up for enlistment - he has plenty of time to get married in July.
july06bride
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I know it is tough- my FH also got an awesome career opportunity thrown to him and I was upset that it owuld mean moving and him NOT being around for wedding planning- he will be there to get married and for HM though... and it is rough- BUT it is his career goal that in the long run will mean a lot for the both of us...
As hard as it is, dont make him choose ... hie wants this job and he is doing for himself BUT also for you and your future...
roxyspark
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
The same thing happened to FI's friend. He went into the State Trooper academy and couldn't make the wedding. His wife was AMAZING, she was able to switch everything to 2 months later. Her vendors were very flexible. She sent out Change the Dates (I thought they were so cute) and her wedding was one of the nicest I have ever been too.
Don't stress over things you can't change, just make a plan to switch it to a time when he can attend. I know it is easier said than done, but people have done it in the past.
Good luck!
tjs
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
Posted by MissingTheBGene
Has he been wanting and preparing for this for a long time? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this is something that he has been longing for, his dream, then you should be supporting him on it. A wedding is something that can be done at a later time, but it should only symbolize your love and relationship with your FI. I can understand that you're upset about it, which is natural, all this planning and effort, but if you really love your FI and want to be with him, then I would try to support him in his decision, JIMO.
I know of some people who decided to get married by a Justice of the Peace, then after all is said in done with training or military leave, they had their wedding.
Good luck and try to stay positive!
i totally agree....its for your future!!!
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I'm sorry that you are going through this and send you lots of . Try to stay positive and remember that everything happens for a reason. Please keep us posted.
lauren721
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
I aprreciate the support I am receiving from some of you-- what others don't understand (and I am sorry I did not clarify) is that this is NOT his dream. He already is a cop and just started his job. He is new and the low man on the totem pole and isn't used to it and doesn't like not making so much money, etc.. I have been busting my *** (all ny myself) planning the wedding and have not asked him for any help. I have been so excited about this and looking forward to it for a long time. He knows this, and was not even thinking about anyting but his own impatience with his current state of affairs. If he gets on to be a State Trooper, there is a strong chance that we would have to move upstate, which he could never do, b/c he is a die hard surfer and surfs every day. He has said this more than once- he doesn't want to live there either. I am working on my doctorate (actually I will be next year) and I will in all likelihood, be the breadwinner anyway. Our family is here, I just sent out the save the dates, etc. He is impulsive and he doesn't see that he will be making just as much money where he is soon enough. He wants alot now, but no job pays you top dollar right off the bat.
leese
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Re: FI dropped a bomb...
i think we are all supporting you...just offering our opinions...
anywhooo.... there are a lot of circumstances with police officers not being happy with their jobs and wanting to go 'a different route' - whether it be with a different precinct, a state officer's job, a different county, etc.
yeah, he has to make the steps to make the money but if he isn't happy at the place he is, then he has the right to think about alternate locations.
take it from someone who knows... you don't want to live with someone who isn't happy where they are working. you can feel it.
