Fight with FH... Update.

he (finally) realized my point of view and apologized for everything. He says he totally understands why I was upset and he said he shouldn't have talked to his mom about something touchy like that. He also said that he didn't use a good choice of words, that she was just making a 'suggestion', and that he only brought it up to her to get her perspective to see if HE was overreacting about it. He said he won't bring up certain subjects like that with his family anymore .

So we are good.

Thanks for your support!

I totally see where you are coming from. I would be really upset about it too. That was a gift for the both of you, not for his mom!!! While I would be really upset and I would probably cry as well, I think you should get past it real quick. It's not something to make or break the relationship, because after all, it IS just pasta. But your feelings are totally justified, IMO!!! MEN...

oh, and to top it off he is giving me no sympathy because he says I am the one at fault because I ordered a dress and new pjs from VS and he says I shouldn't have spent the money on them. He gets mad at me whenever I buy anything for myself.

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

Awesome. What is with men and their mothers???? UGGHH

I think that you have a right to be upset. the fact that you are PMSing is NOT making it any better...guys just don't get it

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Posted by Autumnbride03

oh, and to top it off he is giving me no sympathy because he says I am the one at fault because I ordered a dress and new pjs from VS and he says I shouldn't have spent the money on them. He gets mad at me whenever I buy anything for myself.

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

Awesome. What is with men and their mothers???? UGGHH

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Posted by Cacarina

I totally see where you are coming from. I would be really upset about it too. That was a gift for the both of you, not for his mom!!! While I would be really upset and I would probably cry as well, I think you should get past it real quick. It's not something to make or break the relationship, because after all, it IS just pasta. But your feelings are totally justified, IMO!!! MEN...

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I wasn't considering leaving him over it or anything lol (then I think you would really need to put me in a loony bin) but all he is saying is that he didn't think it was a big deal and won't even acknowledge that my feelings were hurt.

I love how men just assume anytime we get upset around 'that time' is just bc of PMS and we're just crazy. Grrr.

oh being Italian I see were you are coming from with Pasta thing That sounds like a great gift and honestly gourment pasta is expensive! If i specifically told him to save it and not use it then I would probably be very upset about it too. I guess, you should try to calm down and talk to him again about it and how much it hurt your feelings. Unfortuantley, you cant get the pasta back but let him know that he really hurt you by using your first gift when you asked him not too and see where that goes. Dont worry, men are so pigheaded some times!

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Posted by Autumnbride03

oh, and to top it off he is giving me no sympathy because he says I am the one at fault because I ordered a dress and new pjs from VS and he says I shouldn't have spent the money on them. He gets mad at me whenever I buy anything for myself.

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

Awesome. What is with men and their mothers???? UGGHH

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Ohhh....that would get me mad! You have ever right to spend your money how you want- what are we in the dark ages? grrrrrrrrrr....

btw, I totally would have been upset too- it was surpossed to be for you two! However, i would let it pass quickly.

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Posted by Autumnbride03

oh, and to top it off he is giving me no sympathy because he says I am the one at fault because I ordered a dress and new pjs from VS and he says I shouldn't have spent the money on them. He gets mad at me whenever I buy anything for myself.

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

Awesome. What is with men and their mothers???? UGGHH

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This would actually upset me more than the pasta! He shouldnt have told his mother that and she shouldnt be getting involved about who controls the money in your relationship

oh, i definitely told him that. He loves to involve his entire family when we have a fight or a problem. I told him never to involve his mother again like that. He didn't really have an answer for me.

I can understand why he's upset, we keep our money separate right now. Apparently he was hurting on cash flow and he sees packages of clothes showing up at the door. Ok, I didn't realize he was hurting that much. He just got paid today so he should be caught back up (our e party took a lot out )

I'm so sick of having arguments over money....

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Posted by Autumnbride03

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

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UMM, this is the 21st century and you are a responsible woman who doesn't need to be monitored by your man! Wow, what is the deal with MILs?!?

I totally agree with you about the pasta situation - I'd be soo upset. (I'm a food wh0re too if it makes you feel any better ) FH should really just own up to the fact that he messed up and not try to put the blame on you. It's not a catastrophe but I don't think you are reacting any differently than most of us would.

edited cuz i used a bad word hehe

i think your feelings are completely justified. It was a special gift to be shared between the two of you. It's not fair of him to ask you not to spend money either, and especially tell his mother about it- i don't understand why that was necessary and how that is any of her business. on the other hand, it's hard to step back and look at things in perspective when you're PMSing. I know I get so incredibly emotional when it's 'that time of the month.' Just try explaining to him again how you are feeling, and don't get so worked up or he's not going to listen to what you're saying and throw the PMS thing in your face again. Let him know that he hurt you when he did that. good luck with everything, i'm sure you'll be fine.

edited for spelling

and like the worst part is that I can't even talk to him about it, our apt is small and the wall of our bedroom into the living room is thin so even in our his mother and nephew would overhear everything. They are here until monday (oh, and tomorrow even more of his family is coming)

so far today everything has been over the phone and email, which we all know isn't the best route for effective communication.

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Posted by ITALIANBELLA

Ohhhh that would make me so mad. You think his mom would of said to wait until you were around to make it knowing it was a e-gift. Your going to get mad its a gift to you and him not her and to get involved with money talks that's a big NO NO. I would not talk to my FH if that happened I am the same way you have every right to be mad !!!

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I don't think she realized it was part of our eparty gift. She usually is really aware about stuff like this and tuned in about others feelings, and we have always gotten along great until her little money comment.

He finally (sort of) acknowledged my feelings were hurt, but he pretty much dismissed it without an apology, again reiterating he thought I said it didn't matter if he used it since I wouldn't be home anyway (umm, not sure how he got THAT out of what I said but anyway) and pretty much that my feelings arn't justified. I'm just a crazy witch on the PMS train apparently.

Last night when he told me in front of her I had said something like, 'Oh, that was a gift from our engagement party for US and I didn't even get any, thanks alot' which ok I probably shouldn't have said in front of her, but I left it at that. So he starts saying today 'how did I think that made HER feel?'

ughhh. Maybe one day men will stop being such momma's boys.

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Posted by Autumnbride03

oh, and to top it off he is giving me no sympathy because he says I am the one at fault because I ordered a dress and new pjs from VS and he says I shouldn't have spent the money on them. He gets mad at me whenever I buy anything for myself.

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

Awesome. What is with men and their mothers???? UGGHH

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this to me is a bigger problem. He needs to talk to you if he has an issue with you not his mother. And his mother needs to mind her own business and not tell him what YOU should be doing with your money. This would bother me so much, its your D*MN money and who is she to say how what you need to do. She needs to mind her own business, this can become a constant problem down the line. You need to talk to him and tell him that whatever issues you two have you prefer for it to be private between the two of you and not involve 3rd parties bc it can just make the situation worse. I am sure he wouldn't appreciate if your parents told you that your FH HAS to do something. You two can solve your own problems and will be a team and he needs to realize this.

why don't you both meet somewhere after you get out of work or something? or maybe you can tell his mother that you both are going to go grocery shopping? and talk somewhere? hmm, i'm trying to think of ideas

phone and e-mail are both tough. e-mail especially because you can't tell the tone of voice that the other person is using. i would try and get to be alone with him as soon as possible. even for just a few minutes- or you never know, maybe by the end of the weekend this will all blow over.