Fight with FH... Update.

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Posted by Autumnbride03

oh, and to top it off he is giving me no sympathy because he says I am the one at fault because I ordered a dress and new pjs from VS and he says I shouldn't have spent the money on them. He gets mad at me whenever I buy anything for myself.

Apparently he told his mother about it and she said I should be giving him my paychecks and check with him before I buy something.

Awesome. What is with men and their mothers???? UGGHH

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i would have told his mother at this point to choke on her food. literally.

i would be upset as well if my FH would use our special pasta. but there's nothing you can do at this point except let it go.

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Posted by Espo22


this to me is a bigger problem. He needs to talk to you if he has an issue with you not his mother. And his mother needs to mind her own business and not tell him what YOU should be doing with your money. This would bother me so much, its your D*MN money and who is she to say how what you need to do. She needs to mind her own business, this can become a constant problem down the line. You need to talk to him and tell him that whatever issues you two have you prefer for it to be private between the two of you and not involve 3rd parties bc it can just make the situation worse. I am sure he wouldn't appreciate if your parents told you that your FH HAS to do something. You two can solve your own problems and will be a team and he needs to realize this.

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I totally agree with you. He has a big family and they are all really close so he used to tell them about every little fight and of course he is their brother so they'd put their two cents in. I've expressed to him many times I don't like when he does this and he did get much better with it.

Even when he did say stuff to his mom she usually had enough sense not to get involved or say anything until now. I can't believe she said that. Unless he is exxagerating because he was upset and he was the one who told me she said this.

We are supposed to meet them for dinner when we both get out of work. ughhh.


I know there are serious issues to be addressed here. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't completely crazy about the pasta thing. Thanks for listening.


PS.... we always end up getting in some blown out fight when his family is visiting. (They probably think we are the worst couple ever, lol)

Again, I think this is due in part to him constantly trying to impress them or something. Are we nuts or does this happen to anyone else?

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Posted by Autumnbride03

oh, i definitely told him that. He loves to involve his entire family when we have a fight or a problem. I told him never to involve his mother again like that. He didn't really have an answer for me.

I can understand why he's upset, we keep our money separate right now. Apparently he was hurting on cash flow and he sees packages of clothes showing up at the door. Ok, I didn't realize he was hurting that much. He just got paid today so he should be caught back up (our e party took a lot out )

I'm so sick of having arguments over money....

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My friend has this issue too. She says she wishes she would have kept her own fun money so he couldn't say anything when she bought stuff.

As for the pasta- this is such a boy thing to do. And the Mommy issues- I can totally understand.

I bet this wouldn't be so bad if you would if you weren't hormonal... hang in there...

I told him how upset I was that he involved his mom with such a big issue and with her that she got involved.

Now he says it was only a 'suggestion' of what she said and he disagrees that he is at fault. He says he has every right to talk to his mom/family if he wants advice or perspective about something.

So we are at a standstill.

I can't wait to get out of here so I can go home and speak to him, hopefully.

Sorry to put a damper on the boards today, I appreciate the advice/input. I am still upset about the pasta thing (the pms isn't helping that) but I keep telling myself to let it go.

Just some advice to you .... about the money situation !!!!!!! My first marriage.... my ex always took the money and did what he wanted with it ... even with the equity from the house !!!!!!!! It was not a fun thing .... I kept my mouth shut for a long time.... until one day I said I don't care if I leave this house with just the clothes on my back and my son ( he was 5 at the time !!!!) You BOTH have to be open about everything in life .. especially money !!!!! It is no longer ME ... it is US now !!!!!!!!!! The thing with the pasta ... YES I would so be upset about it ... and it is not fair that he did that .... so yes he does owe you an apology for that !!!!!!!!! With his mother getting into things with your relationship .... that MUST change .... He needs to know it is you that he is marrying ... and family members should stay out of your business ! Men are so different from us women and that is the way it will always be ... so at times we must just get over it and move on .... believe me .. I know it is not easy at all ... but we have to do it !!!!!!!!! My FH now is so great !!!!!! We are very open about things... if we fight or argue about something .... we work it out .... it is never a good thing to go to bed angry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy your FH each and everyday ........ LIFE IS TOO SHORT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS... sorry it was so long ...but I have gone thru a lot in life ... and I know where you are coming from !!!!!!!! Cheer up !!!!!!!!

i would have been furious...

we would have had a serious talk -- its not the pasta, its the fact that you asked him to save it and then he used it anyway when you werent there, didnt save you any, and the issues with his mom....

but then i would forgive him

Sorry to hear about your stress! Trust me, I think we've all been there at some point...so you're not alone!

Money is one of the biggest issues that couples have and to be honest guys are more sensitive about where THEY personally stand financially. So maybe he didn't tell you about his situation because it would crush his ego...as the stereotypical man, he is suppose to be the provider. So little sayings like 'you're spending too much' may be his way of venting or letting some of the frustration out. Unless he's just really frugal and thats the way he is, then I would just see it as temporary and not something that should predict your future together.

The whole mother thing...ayy! Let's just say that I've been there too. I put an end to all that mommy bonding really quick because I'm a private person to begin with and his mother is not the third person in the relationship. He is sharing his life with you, not her. So make yourself really clear...you respect his relationship with her, but you would appreciate it if he refrained from sharing any little problem that pertains to YOU with her. And let him know that you and him may fight and make up but he really doesn't want to be leaving his mom with a negative impression of you...out of respect for you.

Sometimes its best to address things but then just let them go. This is obviously affecting you more than anyone else...so just think of your peace of mind and happiness.

Sorry...super long! Hope you feel better!

Joing the club. I am super mad at FH, we haven't talked all day.

I would be upset too! I'm sorry

Update on the OP.

He said he honestly misunderstood me and didn't think about that at all when he used it. He said he totally understands where I'm coming from though. He also apologized about the mom thing and said that he realized that he shouldn't bring up certain subjects with other people. He says the only reason he did was to see if he was overreacting and to get her perspective, but he agrees with me.

So he apologized many times over, promised to buy me a new bag and make me a nice dinner (aw) and we are ok now.

I'm chalking it up to male cluelessness.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom though! It definitely didn't help that I'm PMSing and I needed to vent.

I am so happy you made up !!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy your night