Brides Helping Brides ™ - FIL vent and question - UPDATED

Sweetpea130000 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:50 AM+

Sweetpea130000 MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4165 WEDDING DATE: Nov 19, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:50 AM

FIL vent and question - UPDATED

So, we sent out invitations to our engagement party this week. We worded in 'Please join us in celebrating our engagement'

I get an IM from my FIL this morning saying 'I didn't see our names on the invite as giving you the party'

We didn't add their names b/c I didn't want my family to feel bad that they didn't offer to pay for it since we initially were going to pay for it ourselves.

We can always thank them publicly at the party for throwing it for us.

now for the question, was it wrong for us not to include their names on it?

ETA: my FIL is paying

TIA

ETA: UPDATE - so it wasn't about the paying it was about pride, and he was taken aback when we told him that we were going to thank them at hte party, so all is good. Thanks for your help ladies!!!

DMcK Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:56 AM+

DMcK MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 5034 WEDDING DATE: May 13, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:56 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

No, you were not wrong. It's so hard because someone always has a gripe.

snowprincess805 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:57 AM+

snowprincess805 MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1936 WEDDING DATE: Aug 13, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 09:57 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

my parents through ours but i did not put there name on it - i put acue aying instead - i don't think you have to be that formal about who is giving it for an engagement party

Bunnymonkey Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:10 AM+

Bunnymonkey MEMBER SINCE: 6/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4857 WEDDING DATE: Jun 11, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:10 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

i think i am confused - who is paying?

Sweetpea130000 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:12 AM+

Sweetpea130000 MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4165 WEDDING DATE: Nov 19, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:12 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by Bunnymonkey

i think i am confused - who is paying?

My FIL is paying.

gtsgirl Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:19 AM+

gtsgirl MEMBER SINCE: 9/03 TOTAL POSTS : 1166 WEDDING DATE: Aug 27, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:19 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

We put Mr. & Mrs. blah blah invite you to celebrate the engagement of us...We did that because they are throwing the party for us. I personally don't think its a big deal but for some people it is. I asked his parents in a round about way what they wanted and I got the impression that they wanted the names on the invite..so its all good..my FI made them and then we sent them.

DebMaher Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:43 AM+

DebMaher MEMBER SINCE: 8/04 TOTAL POSTS : 6008 WEDDING DATE: Sep 10, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:43 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

I do not know your in-laws, and you do not know my FI's aunt and we both do not know the annoying relative of other brides on this board but can someone tell me why there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who can take the joyous event of two people joining their lives together and make it instead about stupid ego-driven CRAP?

DMcK Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:46 AM+

DMcK MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 5034 WEDDING DATE: May 13, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 10:46 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by DebMaher

I do not know your in-laws, and you do not know my FI's aunt and we both do not know the annoying relative of other brides on this board but can someone tell me why there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who can take the jjoyous event of two people joining their lives together and make it instead about stupid ego-driven CRAP?

I am with you on this one. Why does someone always have to complain? Just pretend to be happy if it is not your day!

slwh2005 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 11:44 AM+

slwh2005 MEMBER SINCE: 9/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1912 WEDDING DATE: Oct 08, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 11:44 AM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by DebMaher

I do not know your in-laws, and you do not know my FI's aunt and we both do not know the annoying relative of other brides on this board but can someone tell me why there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who can take the joyous event of two people joining their lives together and make it instead about stupid ego-driven CRAP?

I totally agree too. Very petty!!

Marisa&Brian Posted: Sep 23, 2004 12:17 PM+

Marisa&Brian MEMBER SINCE: 2/04 TOTAL POSTS : 803 WEDDING DATE: May 20, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 12:17 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

I don't think you were wrong at all.......How formal could you possibly make an Engagement Party invitation ?? What did he want the whole 'Mr and Mrs so and so invite you blah blah ???'

Just keep this little incident in mind for your wedding invites !!!

gtsgirl Posted: Sep 23, 2004 12:31 PM+

gtsgirl MEMBER SINCE: 9/03 TOTAL POSTS : 1166 WEDDING DATE: Aug 27, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 12:31 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

Thats how mine were

Sweetpea130000 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:01 PM+

Sweetpea130000 MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4165 WEDDING DATE: Nov 19, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:01 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by Marisa&Brian

I don't think you were wrong at all.......How formal could you possibly make an Engagement Party invitation ?? What did he want the whole 'Mr and Mrs so and so invite you blah blah ???'

Just keep this little incident in mind for your wedding invites !!!

I know, I know, but fortunately, I don't think anyone but us will be putting in enough money for us to write anything except 'along with their parents, blah blah'

Thanks guys, I thought I was the only one that thought this was a little petty. He's also not usually like this, so that is part of it too.

I think what is bothering me more is that he approached me instead of his son, like I am the only one that made the invites.

DMcK Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:02 PM+

DMcK MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 5034 WEDDING DATE: May 13, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:02 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by Sweetpea130000

Posted by Marisa&Brian

I think what is bothering me more is that he approached me instead of his son, like I am the only one that made the invites.

It's weird - they always seem to go for the bride, no matter which side they are on and how well you normally get along! Good luck

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Sweetpea130000 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:04 PM+

Sweetpea130000 MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4165 WEDDING DATE: Nov 19, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:04 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

It's weird - they always seem to go for the bride, no matter which side they are on and how well you normally get along! Good luck

Thanks, I need it. Haven't told FI about this yet since he is a teacher and I can't get in touch with him, hopefully he can smooth it all over.

We can always thank them in public at the party in a speech.

mcaula Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:09 PM+

mcaula MEMBER SINCE: 5/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1921 WEDDING DATE: Aug 26, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:09 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

That is so true how a relative can take your joyous wedding occasion and turn it into something about them.

Summer05 Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:57 PM+

Summer05 MEMBER SINCE: 5/04 TOTAL POSTS : 3789 WEDDING DATE: Jul 01, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

I dont think that it was wrong... and there is nothing you can do about it now so dont worry yourself over it! You will have the chance to thank them at the party.

DMcK Posted: Sep 23, 2004 02:24 PM+

DMcK MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 5034 WEDDING DATE: May 13, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 02:24 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by Sweetpea130000

It's weird - they always seem to go for the bride, no matter which side they are on and how well you normally get along! Good luck

Thanks, I need it. Haven't told FI about this yet since he is a teacher and I can't get in touch with him, hopefully he can smooth it all over.

We can always thank them in public at the party in a speech.

That is a nice way to handle this. It is strange what upsets people. Hang in there, you did nothing wrong

stacy&joe Posted: Sep 23, 2004 05:52 PM+

stacy&joe MEMBER SINCE: 4/04 TOTAL POSTS : 627 WEDDING DATE: Mar 19, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 05:52 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

Posted by DebMaher

I do not know your in-laws, and you do not know my FI's aunt and we both do not know the annoying relative of other brides on this board but can someone tell me why there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who can take the joyous event of two people joining their lives together and make it instead about stupid ego-driven CRAP?

YES!!! Someone who thinks just like me. I have no idea, but if I ever find out the answer, I'll post it! Maybe we should just ask those ego - driven nutballs - 'WHY is everything about you?????'

Dooodles Posted: Sep 23, 2004 06:52 PM+

Dooodles MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4188 WEDDING DATE: Jan 15, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 06:52 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

I don't think you needed to mention it on the invitation. I would find that tacky truthfully. I think a nice public thank you at the party is a wonderful idea and your FI should mention that to his father.

Russo'sbride Posted: Sep 23, 2004 07:26 PM+

Russo'sbride MEMBER SINCE: 7/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1343 WEDDING DATE: Sep 10, 2005

Posted: Sep 23, 2004 07:26 PM

Re: FIL vent and question

You don't have to mention their names. You do whatever makes you happy. If thats the way you wanted it, thats fine. FI should never of said anything. So did your FI pay for some of the wedding or was it just you and your FH?