FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

woobie113007 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 09:34 AM

FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

I really dont know how I am going to put up with her. My FMIL is ummmmm I cant exactly find a word to describe her. FMIL is paying for the flowers which is like $400-ish because its just the bo-k's and boutineers.
Now, after my shower on Sat, FMIL and my mom were talking and FMIL brought up the rehersal dinner. Now, the church is in Bellmore and the inlaws live in Bay Shore. FMIL is insisting that they have the rehersal at their house....in Bay Shore. Now dont get me wrong, I have nothing against having it at the house BUT it just doesnt make sense to go from Bellmore to Bay Shore.
She says its 'easier' because half of the bridal party is from Bay Shore but then the other half is from Bellmore and then Floral Park!!!!!! Is it fair for us to drive from Bellmore and Floral Park all the way to Bay Shore!?!?!?!?!?
I had also mentioned that the rehersal at the church is at 7 so then by the time we get to the house it will be like 8:15-sih.........Who wants to eat anything then??? Plus the wedding is the next day so Im not going to stay until all hours of the night because Im getting married the next day. Even FH is siding with his mom on this one so I dont even have his help on trying to convince her to have it at a place. I told my parents Im at the point where Im about to say F the dinner part and I'll give everyone their gifts at the Church and then everyone goes home. I even found a damn place in Seaford that has prices starting at $19.95!!!!!! Now, thats not a bad price at all. I dont know why FMIL is being so damn cheap!!!!!!!!!
Even my sister says that since its my wedding, she should at least ask what I want......she didnt ask ANYTHING.....just when the church rehersal was...........GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Can anyone offer advice before I go crazy!?!?!

StarryEyedBride Posted: Aug 15, 2007 09:43 AM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

Maybe bring some of the places you found (with the prices) to FH and FMIL and discuss the fact that you think it will be easier to have to in a more central location so the bridal party isn't traveling all over. Also explain your concern about the late night before your wedding and that you don't want it. Worst case, if no one bends, tell FH you are thinking of canceling the dinner part of it and see what he says. Once he sees how much this is seriously upsetting you, he may bring it up to his mom. It's not worth having it if all it does is cause you grief. You could always have a little luncheon the weekend before and give out the gifts in a way that makes you happy and works for everyone.

SusiBtoM Posted: Aug 15, 2007 09:45 AM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

Best advise would be to let FH tell his mom exactly what you told us.
Maybe she'll listen to her son.

diva7531 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 09:51 AM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

Posted by SusiBtoM

Best advise would be to let FH tell his mom exactly what you told us.
Maybe she'll listen to her son.

I agree, FMIL and I both wanted Irish Coffee Pub, but it is so far from Smithtown on a Thursday night that I didn't want people traveling all over! I agree have FH talk to her, if you can convince him. Wedding day is a long day and if it is at a house you won't be eating till 9ish realistically. Even if it is catered it'll take a bit. GL hoep it works out for you

rkl1130 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 09:56 AM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

I'd talk to FH about it first and present him with all your info. Then let FH talk to his mom. Since he's her son, he may be able to convice her.

If worse comes to worse, tell FH that due to the timing and traveling you are thinking of just cancelling the dinner part.

Good luck!

woobie113007 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 10:00 AM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

FH wants it to be in Bay shore though!!! I told him my reasoning behind why I wanted to have it at a place closer to the church. He says 'its not fair having the people from bay shore go to the church in bellmore'..........................
I told him they are in the wedding party so they really have no choice and Im not here to make the wedding party happy..........LOL
I just never realized that this damn rehersal dinner would be the most stressful thing!!!!!!!

kahlua716 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 02:51 PM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

I say let it go. . .its not a big deal. If people don't want to drive, they just won't go.

Maybe they can't really afford $20 a person. . .I know my FMIL can't- she found someplace cheaper though, but I told her to just have it at the house....she still wanted to use the restaurant.

IMHO- Accept graciously- it really isn't important in the grand scheme of things.

mkc56 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 02:58 PM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

Posted by SusiBtoM

Best advise would be to let FH tell his mom exactly what you told us.
Maybe she'll listen to her son.

I agree, you have to work on him so he sees what a ridiculous idea it is. He should deal with her, you don't want to start off your marriage by fighting with her.

FutureMrs.T Posted: Aug 15, 2007 03:33 PM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

Posted by kahlua716

I say let it go. . .its not a big deal. If people don't want to drive, they just won't go.

Maybe they can't really afford $20 a person. . .I know my FMIL can't- she found someplace cheaper though, but I told her to just have it at the house....she still wanted to use the restaurant.

IMHO- Accept graciously- it really isn't important in the grand scheme of things.

I agree. Accept whatever they are giving you graciously. They dont have to throw you a rehearsal and she is offering to.

Mich0621 Posted: Aug 15, 2007 03:53 PM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

You have to reason with FH and get him to reason with FMIL...your best argument is the fact that it will be late and the wedding is the next morning...tell him that you just want to make sure everyone is well rested for the day!

SusiBtoM Posted: Aug 15, 2007 04:09 PM

Re: FMIL and rehersal dinner issue/VENT

The main thing is that your entire bridal party attend the rehersal at the church. Let them decide if they want to attend the dinner at your in-law's or not.

If it were me, I would attend the dinner for an hour or two and then excuse myself, because 'I have to get some things finished and then get my rest for the big day'.