Hi - I don't post often but there was something upsetting me about wedding financial issues and thought maybe someone would be willing to give some neutral opinions. I'd appreciate anyone who might listen. My dad lost alot of money in the stocks this past year but regardless, I wanted to contribute something to the wedding. I was going to contribute a few thousand (3K) towards the reception but didn't tell my FH because I didn't want him to feel like he had to contribute too. Then later on, I felt bad for not telling him, so I told him and then he wanted to contribute the same amount. We're also contributing for other things too, like honeymoon, limo, and part of the flowers etc.. When FMIL found out about the things we were contributing to, she was angry that we were contributing money towards the wedding and was angry that my parents accepted our money. She was angry at me because it was my idea and at first I gave that money without telling FH when it is my FH's and my money for the future. She thinks we shouldn't pay anything at all for the wedding because we should be saving it to get a house or something. I understand that but it's not like I spent my entire savings, and I also wanted to contribute to our wedding day because, well, it's our wedding day! For the record, FMIL is contributing for photographer (which I really had wanted to pay for but she kept insisting she wanted to because she didn't want us to pay for it), DJ and rehearsal dinner. FH has a steady job and I'm a graduate student but I get some money from being a teaching assistant. I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience with future inlaws? Do you think FMIL should have gotten angry, should I feel guilty about what I did? Thanks for letting me share and sorry it was so long.
RadiantBride
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Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
Posted by JACK808
Maybe it is bc DH and I paid for everything related to our wedding ourselves, but I really feel the whole 'bride's family pays for this' and 'groom's family contributes to that' mentality is completey outdated. If two consenting adults decide to throw a big party to celebrate their marriage, then I feel it is their responsibility to figure out how to pay for it, and nobody else's business as to how it gets done. If family wants to help out, great but it should not be expected by anyone.
ITA
naopleasant
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Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Money issues are nonexistent with us and fmil because we had to lie about who's paying for what for the wedding. She isn't contributing to the wedding and she gets very sensitive to money issues. Its unfortunate we had to lie,but it was necessary in order for her not to stress us out during the planning process. I think its great that your fmil is contributing anything in the first place,but like all the other ladies stated,ITS YOUR WEDDING. You are an adult and how you choose to use YOUR money is your business. If FH wants to contribute,let him. Regardless of how you want him to feel,he will want to contribute now. Sorry that this is so long though.
MitziandAndrew
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Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
Posted by lizzie217
Posted by FallBride2010
I dont think she has any right to be mad. It's your wedding...do what you want! :)
Agreed
I agree too!
RedtoWed
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
You need to lay the law down with FMIL NOW or she will ruin your marriage. It is NONE of her business - who does she think she is and what year is this? You need to stand up to her now, and her opinions, or you will deal with this for the rest of your life. Trust me. Set the precedent or you will pay for it in the future....
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
Posted by JACK808
Maybe it is bc DH and I paid for everything related to our wedding ourselves, but I really feel the whole 'bride's family pays for this' and 'groom's family contributes to that' mentality is completey outdated. If two consenting adults decide to throw a big party to celebrate their marriage, then I feel it is their responsibility to figure out how to pay for it, and nobody else's business as to how it gets done. If family wants to help out, great but it should not be expected by anyone.
I completely agree, first of all its none of her business and needs to stay out of it. Times really have changed and nobody is obligated to pay for anything, if they want to then fine but nobody says anymore that the brides parents HAVE to pay for the whole wedding. When this was done remember brides were alot younger, people wait longer now to get married. Weddings back then were so ALOT less expensive, you cant expect nowadays for parents to always just pay $30k-50k or whatever the amount is. If they want to and can than fine but shouldnt be expected. Plus sorry but its your wedding too and youre both adults, so why not pay for things that are your decision. Plus she should look at statistics, more couples pay for the wedding themselves or contribute along with both set of parents than those whose parents just pay so obviously its not the common thing to do anymore.
Dh and I paid for majority of wedding, we were 28 and 29 when we got married, we are both adults who were more than able to do this and no reason why we shouldn't have done so if we wanted to.
Maybe give her a new traditions book with statistics to update her on how things are now and how times have changed. Back when parents paid for weddings usually, the husband also took care of the wife and didnt have to work, is she gonna expect that too, give me a break.
angelatp
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Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
Posted by Novia09
Posted by MrsList09
I don't think it's any of her business who pays for what. Times have changed and families can no longer afford to just have parents pay for weddings. Many brides and grooms pay for the wedding entirely themselves. I would sit her down with FH and tell her that you're adults, it's your decision, and it's final.
I COMPLETELY AGREE!!
I agree as well.
OY
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
definitely none of her business.. nowadays the couple usually pays for the wedding themselves anyway -- regardless of anything, its really none of her biz!
anyway, if i were you i will never discuss anything about $$ w/ anyone and just keep it btwn u and DH.. that'll totally avoid problems. JMHO
NikkiR515
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Member since
Re: FMIL angry about money for wedding
Posted by BAL5-9-05
Posted by laurenandmike618
Posted by MayBride2010
Posted by Novia09
Posted by MrsList09
I don't think it's any of her business who pays for what. Times have changed and families can no longer afford to just have parents pay for weddings. Many brides and grooms pay for the wedding entirely themselves. I would sit her down with FH and tell her that you're adults, it's your decision, and it's final.
I COMPLETELY AGREE!!
I second that!!
I agree, too. To wish that the world was perfect and that it wasn't necessary for you guys to pitch in is one thing, but to actually be angry at you guys for wanting to help your parents?? That's ridiculous and inappropriate.
Ditto
