FMIL-breaking us up..

I feel like I am living in a soap opera, My life has been so damn dramatic since my E-party.

(FH and I have diff religions and backgrounds)

So the latest of the family saga's is that My FMIL insulted my family, basically said some nasty things to my mom and dad, about my family and about me. Now FH knows what she did was wrong, but he will not get involved he said, he said shes stubborn.

My parents are so offended that they do not want to come to the wedding and Idont blame them FMIL is so controlling and is out of control,

This new development is adding stress to my relationship and I do not know what to do, since FH refuses to do anything or get involved in any way, he thinks my parents instgated his mom.

I love my parents, they have done so much for me in my life and I wouldnt be the person I am today without their loveand support and can not believe they were mistreated by my future in laws, I dont think I will ever respect or love FMIL!!!!!!!

I think FMIL will break us up :(

I have been going through a similar situation with FH's brother and sister-in-law. They have treated me like **** from day one. In the beginning FH used to deny that they were being blatantly rude to me and ignored the situation. It put such a strain on our relationship and caused us to fight all the time. Eventually I had to tell him to grow a set of balls or I wouldn't marry him. I never expected him to end his relationship with his brother, but I did expect him to tell his brother he was wrong for how he was treating me and that he needs to stop.

I think your FH needs to tell his mother that if she does not respect you, she does not respect him. You are going to be his wife and he needs to treat you and defend you as such. If he does not do this it will only eat you up inside until one day you explode like it did for me. You need to sit down with FH and explain to him how you feel.

Sweetie, I am so sorry you have to deal with such a prejudiced POS.

I know this is hard, but you have to tell your FH that his mom has to appologize to you and your parents.
There is no excuse to insult people. She sounds like an insecure, close minded troll.
Does FI not want to approach her? What does your FFIL say? what about other members of his family?

Oh i'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Does your FH really know that you feel like it's tearing you guys apart? I mean perhaps he's used to his mom being kinda rude and thinks it'll just pass. You definetly have every right to be upset though.

In laws can be tough, it's very hard to find people who absolutely love their in laws, I understand how you feel, he should step up and do SOMETHING....Tell him how you feel it's the only thing you can do... Good luck!!!
XOXOXOXO
Kitty

FFIL is not in the picture. I did talk to FH soooooo many times, ,mostly balling as I retell my parents humiliation. and although he is sympathetic to their feelings, he still can't say anything to his mother.

I am so mad at him for just letting this happen. I have told him that this is really affecting us and I feel like his whole stance on this is 'if i ignore it, it will go away'.

He is controlled by her as well, he wasnt there when this happened, and neither was I, so he is a little reluctant to believe the worst of his mother, although she was in the wrong.

I do not know how to make it up to my parents, I feel like I brought this hateful person into their lives.

I do not think I will ever forgive FMIL, and calling her a mother (even in law) is injustice to that word, b/c it holds such a special meaning to me.

I don't know what to say..but I can do this

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this.

IMO, it is unacceptable for your FMIL to speak badly about you AND your family. If I have a problem with my MIL, I bring it to my DH's attention and he addresses it. If he didn't DH and I would have some issues!

I think you need to have to have a long talk w/your FH and tell him how you feel. he needs to speak up to his mother!

i am terribly sorry.

the only advice i can give you is this.

your fh cant 'make' his mother apologize or anything. the only thing fh can do is to STAND UP FOR HIS FUTURE WIFE by speaking to his mother and letting her know that any FUTURE disrepect will NOT be tolerated and the consequence will her her losing her son.

i am very sorry , but that is the only thing that can be done.

most mothers if they were hit with a consequence like this ( and i dotn mean false threats..i mean the real deal) will shut their mouths bc they dont want to lose their precious sons.

the reason i believe fh needs to say something is that if he does not, that he is allowing a pattern to begin that could cloud over your whole marriage.

friends and husbands should have loyalty. and yes we should respect our parents and elders, but we can only do that if we respect ourselves and our partners first.

good luck honey xooxox

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Posted by jellybean1420

I have been going through a similar situation with FH's brother and sister-in-law. They have treated me like **** from day one. In the beginning FH used to deny that they were being blatantly rude to me and ignored the situation. It put such a strain on our relationship and caused us to fight all the time. Eventually I had to tell him to grow a set of balls or I wouldn't marry him. I never expected him to end his relationship with his brother, but I did expect him to tell his brother he was wrong for how he was treating me and that he needs to stop.

I think your FH needs to tell his mother that if she does not respect you, she does not respect him. You are going to be his wife and he needs to treat you and defend you as such. If he does not do this it will only eat you up inside until one day you explode like it did for me. You need to sit down with FH and explain to him how you feel.

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I had a similar situation. I thought we would break up over FMIL and he ended up asking me to marry him! I was shocked! But after denying that it was happening for years, something must have just 'clicked' in his head that they are in the wrong and that he has to be with the person that he wants to be with and not who they want him to be with.
Have faith in your relationship! He wouldn't have asked you to marry him if he wasn't committed to you! FILs are such a sore spot for everyone...tell him how you feel and be brutally honest with him about your feelings - I did, and it just made us stronger! (side note - I will NEVER love, or even like, my FILs so I understand how you feel)

I hope you & your FH can get through this. Would your parents really not come to the wedding? Why don't you tell your FH to put himself in your shoes. What if his parents weren't coming because of your parents? Would he want you to just be like, 'Oh, yeah, well that's just the way my parents are.'? You seriously need to set things straight! If he is not defending you now, how can he be expected to stand up for you in the future? How are you two supposed to raise children if you don't stick together? Please keep us updated. I hope everything works out for you!

I am sooo sorry u are going through this...my FSIL went through something similar...she is italian and his family is Greek. They refused to support the marriage and refused to go...FSIL became physically sick over it! You need to get FH to talk to his parents b/c inlaws can break up any relationship...Good luck

This sounds serious. Think about when you have kids. She might try to control them (religion-wise). You need your parents at your wedding bottom line. You need to get real with your FH. He doesn't seem to get it yet about what being a husband is. He needs to defend you and your parents. I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are in a tough spot. Could it be possible that you confront your FMIL once and for all. If it's come to this point, maybe you have nothing to lose. If your FH can not stand behind that, then you know where you stand.

You have to tell your DH to talk to his mom. If he refuses, then u need to think about what your future is going to bring you.

YOU should be 1st piority in your DH life with NO exceptions. Now is the time to prove it. He needs to be diginified and sit his mom down and explain to her that she should not cause problems with your family or you. Have him let her know that it IS affecting your relationship.

I cannot say enough how this is NOT your problem but your DH. It is HIS mom and he needs to draw the line. Yes, some of us are emotional talkers, but there is always time to apologize and make your planning & event a WONDERFUL memory.

I am under my sister log in, I am married for 8 years and have a MIL similar to yours. I am Catholic & DH is Jewish. She make our life horrible UNTIL my DH stood up to her and told her to stop. Trust me, It took awhile to have him tell her (I basically said I was leaving if he did not correct the situation). It is something that can destroy a perfect loving couple. Dont let that happen to you.

Sit your DH down and tell him how truly serious this hurts you and you are 'second guessing' your relationship since he does not want to make you his 1st piority. (dont get me wrong, you very well might be but he just needs to let his mother know that you are!)

Dont be upset w/ yourself. YOU did not say this to your parents & it is not your fault. Dont think for a second your parents are blaming you, just let them know that you are truly upset by this and dont know how to fix it. Remember they love you unconditionally. :)

maybe you should print all these posts & leave them for him to see?

whatever u decide... I wish you the best of luck & if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life w/ WORK TOGETHER and fix the problem :)


(((HUGS))))

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Posted by prunepie

i am terribly sorry.

the only advice i can give you is this.

your fh cant 'make' his mother apologize or anything. the only thing fh can do is to STAND UP FOR HIS FUTURE WIFE by speaking to his mother and letting her know that any FUTURE disrepect will NOT be tolerated and the consequence will her her losing her son.

i am very sorry , but that is the only thing that can be done.

most mothers if they were hit with a consequence like this ( and i dotn mean false threats..i mean the real deal) will shut their mouths bc they dont want to lose their precious sons.

the reason i believe fh needs to say something is that if he does not, that he is allowing a pattern to begin that could cloud over your whole marriage.

friends and husbands should have loyalty. and yes we should respect our parents and elders, but we can only do that if we respect ourselves and our partners first.

good luck honey xooxox

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This is on the money...

I 100% agree with PRUNEPIE....your FH needs to take a stand...and it has to be with you.

If there is a problem with his mom--then it is HIS responsibility to fix this...not yours. If there was a problem with YOUR parents, it would work the other way.

If your FH won't do anything about this---then you need to take a cold, hard, look at this. If he can't deal with his mom on your behalf NOW, before the wedding, what will happen in the future? What happens when she tries to control how you raise your children? How you clean your house? How about the relationshp between you and your family, what else will she do to put a rift there? If you do not nip this in the bud NOW, you will never have peace.

everyone is different--but for me, that is a dealbreaker. if my FH won't stand up for me against his family, then i don't think i would be able to handle that. and i'm saying this, cause i have experience. my FFIL hates my guts, and has actually told my FH, not to marry me because i'm a 'fat wetback'. (so hypocritial cause FFIL is puerto rican, but thinks he's better than my parents cause my dad is from Peru, while my mom is from p.r. also) FH let him know that INSTANT never to talk about me like that again--and his father was very, very controlling with him; but now it's much different. FH realizes that i'm important, and it's NOT okay to let people disrespect his future wife.

i hope things work out with you.