Several weeks ago she asked how many people we were looking at for the rehearsal dinner. I said 20 (that includes both sets of parents, the BP, one set of grandparents, my hair/makeup person & her husband--they are like family to me, and my mom's best friend for Cali who is also like family and flying in a week early to help out). She called today to tell me that since they are paying for it, they arent inviting the last two couples I mentionned because they arent family or in the BP. I explained that I wanted them there and wouldnt feel right if they werent. She went on to say that its adding up to more than they wanted to spend and the place is kind of expensive, so they just wont be inviting them. I replied by saying 'well...they have to be there. I would suggest then that you look at cheaper restaurants.' WELL -- she comes back with: Ed and I are paying for it -- sorry, they arent being invited.' I said-- 'I will be talking to chris (my FH)about this then...we need to discuss it first' So she says...heres the killer-- 'No....I will be talking to Chris and find out what HE wants' Ummmm excuse me! Does she think he will go against my wishes???? And my parents (who were in a much worst financial situation) paid for the e-party which was 70 people -- most of them were HER family, not mine!
I just cannot fathom not having these 2 couples there -- they mean so much to me and are travelling far to be with us. i cant imagine telling them 'no, you have to eat on your own'. Thats horrible. I'm almost contemplating telling her 'thanks for the offer, I'll pay for and plan it myself'. What a b**tch!
What would u do??
Oh--forgot to mention-- she claims she asked around and she was told that no one but the BP and immediate family should be attending and that only people who directly helped plan the wedding should be there. Well, in that case NONE of them should be there! The groomsmen and bridesmaid didnt help plan at all and neither did the fathers!
tropicalbride07
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
this is just my opinion....bit nothing is left to traditions anymore and who pays for what...this is DEFINITELY something you and your FH need to discuss, regardless of who is paying. Worst case you 2 pay for the couple, at that point she has nothing to say. In the end make it something you '2' decide!
suven
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.
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AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Posted by suven
I'd tell her
'put me, FH, my parents, and my friends down as a no. I'm going to be going elsewhere with my FH, family, and friends that night. I hope you have a great time!'
I just may end up doing that!
tropicalbride07
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
that is a good choice...This is wy I like to do things myself! Less input from others!!!
luvabul
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
i would talk to my fiance, keep the communication lines open between you and him i know MIL can be crazy and annoying, but maintain a good relationship with him whatever you do dont argue with him dont let his mom get in the way and ruin everything....let her know your firm in your decision...and let ur fiance stand by [hopefully im assuming he agrees with you] 2 more ppl shouldnt be a huge deal , esp since ur parents had the engagement party and went out of their way too...
Captsarkasm
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
I have a feeling I might be in the same boat next year :( We have about 45 people going to the rehersal dinner... Our BP and spouses alone are about 26-30 people. I already told FH that if there is going to be a huge issue with it, what another $2500 in the grand scheme of what we're already paying??? we plan on telling FILs (if they're giving us an issue) we'll pay for it ourselves...
MrsH1156
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
First off, she needs to grow up. Second, it's YOUR wedding so you and FH should invite to the RD whomever you want to have there. Lastly, if it were me, I would just invite the last two couples because I 'forgot' to tell them the evil witch didn't want to pay for them. How cheap can she be? I'm sorry she's being evil. Don't let it stress you out too much. There can't be much of a price difference between 20 ppl and 22 or 24.
rojerono
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Okay... I am a little drunk. So forgive me for being blunt.
Your mother in law sounds like a complete and total biatch. I would tell give her 'Thanks for offering to pay for the rd, but obviously it is not something that you can afford. Chris and I will handle it.'
Be so sweet that she chokes on it.
snydl40
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
I would invite them anyway and pay for the two couples myself. It is the fh's parents responsibility to pay for the RD (traditionally), and you can have whoever you want there.
lisad117
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Your FMIL is lucky that there are only 20 people invited. We had 50 at ours because I have a large family and I also included some very close friends of the family and the guests who had traveled for the wedding. I haven't been to a RD in years that just included immediate family and the BP. I would just pay for the 2 couples myself.
daniebc16
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Posted by rojerono
Okay... I am a little drunk. So forgive me for being blunt.
Your mother in law sounds like a complete and total biatch. I would tell give her 'Thanks for offering to pay for the rd, but obviously it is not something that you can afford. Chris and I will handle it.'
Be so sweet that she chokes on it.
OK, since I am posting at 1:20 I feel as drunk as you and funny, I agree with you too!!!!
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
K ladies -- well after a night out at the bar and taking your advice and my drunken friends' advice, I've decided to tell her either they pay for them or they can have their own little RD by themselves while FH plan our own
Now im off to grab another drink....
cjb88
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
good for you!! But i would have your FH tell them this!!!
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Good point. I did speak to FH and he backs me 100% I will have him say it so I dont sound like a royal b**tch....
Blu-ize
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
I would just tell her that you and your FI will pay for the extra couples. That's an easy fix. When you take the power away from them with money, they will have no say.
there is no need to get into a big family argument about it, simply give he the money for the two exxtra couples that night and be done with it. If she still protests, then it's not over money, it's over control.
CherylandCliff
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Posted by rojerono
Okay... I am a little drunk. So forgive me for being blunt.
Your mother in law sounds like a complete and total biatch. I would tell give her 'Thanks for offering to pay for the rd, but obviously it is not something that you can afford. Chris and I will handle it.'
Be so sweet that she chokes on it.
I wouldn't change a word!!
nala3378
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
This is soemthing that you and your FH need to sit down and discuss. I can tell you that my RD is 40 people..
We have both sets of parents the bridal party which is 17 people, my god parents and their spouses. Everyone doing a reading or having a part of the ceremony and their spouses, our 2 grandmother's my flower girls mother, my Junior bridesmaid's mother and FH's SIL and nieces.
So it is not necessarily the people of helped... and just the BP
Definitely speak to your FH and let us know how it goes... I hope it all works out...
You can tell your FH or FMIL that you will pay for those two couples and let you know how much.
That is what we are probably going to do with the OOT BP's spouses if we decide to include them.
AMGBride2008
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Yeah, we were just at a RD on Friday night and there had to have been 70 people there EASILY! The RD is supossed to be for everyone in the wedding party, parents of course and any OOTers! You FMIL needs to work with you!!! Please keep us posted!
AeroJenn
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Re: FMIL crossed the line!!! What would u do?
Thanks for all your responses! FH and are plan to sit down and talk to the ILs on Friday after he gets back from Korea. I'll keep you all posted as to what goes down
