FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Ok, most of you may have heard me ramble on time to time about how my FMIL is not the most supportive person. In fact she's rather selfish, rude and inconsiderate when it comes right down to things. Now that my invites are out (they're slowly, slowly trickling in) she decided to call me this morning to tell me she all of a sudden has 20-people more that must be invited!! Then she also informed me that after she has invited nearly the whole tri-state to our RD, that now she's not sure if she's going to have the funds to host it. I am ready to hurl!!!!!!!! or cry or something!!
FH & I were planning a small intimate RD where it would just be immediate family & bridal party. But because she was paying for it, she felt like she could run the show (so to speak) and invite whomever she wanted!!
MY FH is livid. He's ready to rip her head off. He knows that she has been nothing but difficult and this really is the icing on the cake. I don't even know what to do I'm literally spinning. Just needed to vent. Thanks.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

OMG That stinks! Tell her that she invited them and she will have to figure out a way to pay for them!

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

yeah, seriously.. have the invites all gone out for the RD??

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

My advise may sound harsh but here it goes- cut her off from all of this. Tell her that she CANNOT add one more person to ANY list! Plain and simple- 'I am very sorry but WE cannot accomdate your request for more guests. We are sure you will understand.' End. No futher discussion. If she continues, 'But....blah, blah, blah...' just tell her that your funds are NOT unlimited and that, while you are sorry she doesn't understand, you cannot accomdate any further guest additions. Do NOT continue to discuss this situation with her either. And do not believe anymore 'promises' of paying for things either. Plan and budget without her 'promises' and if in the end she hands you a check- great. If not, you will not have to go thru this again.

In regards the the RD dinner- tell her that you will pay for your parents, BP/dates and readers. Any of HER guests will either have to be paid for BY HER or she can host them at her home for a pre-wedding dinner. You will not be picking up this tab. While you are both very sorry that she is upset, she was hosting the RD so you both allowed her to plan it the way she wanted. Now that you will both be hosting the dinner you will need to cut it back to a more managable size.
I am really sorry that she it is fair to do this to you and her son. I am glad he sees thru this and is also upset with her. Stand as a united front against this and tell her the way it is.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

We haven't sent out formal invites for the RD, everyone was told verbally. And in that regard, it scares me even more because I'm not even sure of who her exact guest list was. There's certainly going ot be a lot of hurt feelings in this mess. She's a moron. My FH just had a screaming match with her and said that she can not do this to us, that there will be no more of her guests invited to our wedding, and that if she chooses not to pay for the RD beacuse she can't afford it right now, that he'll put it on his credit card and give her the bill. That made me furious though. I don't want to add anything else onto our bills. She's such a bleeping bleep!!!!

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Sorry that you have to go through this. It's great that your FH is with you on this. I know this is easy to say and hard to do, but try and get it dealt w/ in a way that works for you now so that you don't have to stress about it even closer to the wedding. Good luck!

ps. You are not alone. My FSIL's FMIL at the time added something like 80 people on at the very last minute (after the invites had gone out) and I don't think she contributed much or anything at all to the wedding. The hall barely fit all of us in the end....

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Thanks everyone for your advice, and for listening to me vent and ramble and ramble and vent. I'm trying to calm down, it's just so ridiculous.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

I hope you guys resolve this, sometimes they can get out of hand, but we have to stay firm in our decisions, it is 'our' wedding.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Thanks lizlen. I'm trying.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Is she helping pay for any of the wedding? We sound like we have the same MIL. Mine is everything you discribed. She tried to add people to our list after our invites were out and we didnt allow her to. She didnt do anything to help with the wedding or even show any interest (that doesnt cost anything). She did host the RD and I thought I would have problems with her asking whoever she wanted but the RD was fine. I would say to you to pay for your own RD and have the small dinner that you wanted. Remember that it is your day. Someone like this, you will NEVER please! It took me so long to realize and accept this. I said to myself that when the invites went out, that was the end of it. You cant have everybody. If you give in to this, it will be something else. Good luck!

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

No she's not giving a dime. The only thing she was doing for us was the RD. FH's parents are divorced, his dad doesn't believe in having to pay for the dinner, so that's out of the question too. I'll have to find out who she invited and exactly how many more people she planned on entertaining. That' going to be the hard part.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

What is this thing about inviting people who have NOTHING to do w/the wedding to the RD. I don't understand this mentality. What is she thinking???
She needs to know that this is not a free-for-all, and she needs to entertain her friends on her own time and money !!!!!

(Sorry if I sound harsh, but the more I think about the stress she's causing, the more p-d I get !!! )

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Lizlen, this is exactly what I'm talking about. When she 1st told us she'd host the RD we were happy. It was a week later that she told us what the terms of her hosting would include. We just sucked it up and said, whatever... Now that she's backing out, it's putting all this pressure on us. She is a very showey person, so I think when she initially invited all these extra guests she planned on wowwing them. She is one who likes to brag, gloat, etc... so for her to be thrust into the limelight as the host of this RD is perfect for her.
I sware I feel like calling everyone in the family and telling them that the RD has been cut down because she decided to pull the rug out from under us. FH said not to do that, that we'll figure it out. I sware I think she loves to cause trouble!!

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Tell your FH to forgive me for the comment I'm about to make, but this makes me wonder if this was her plan all along to back out of paying, after getting the OK to invite all her people.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

I already thought the same thing. I really wouldn't put it past her. He's so great I don't know how they're even related at all.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

i had a similar problem with my fmil...my fh and i are paying for most of the wedding on our own, especially the reception place....of the 280 people we invited, 80 were from my family and friends and 200 were from fh's family and friends, largely due to his mother's craziness....

then she called me weeks after all the invites had been sent to ask for ten more invitations for her friends from work.....well, i wanted to strangle her....i hadn't even invited one person from my job - no boss, no friends - because i was trying to keep costs low and she had the nerve to ask me for 10 invites for people i had never met in my life....

i politely said we couldn't because we were overbooked...then i told fh to put her in her place or else i would....the only way to deal with people like that is to be firm and honest, but polite....you have to set the boundaries now before it's too late....

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

Wedbabe,
Your situation is the same as mine. The RD was the only thing she paid for. She gave me a problem even about the menu for the RD. I started thinking that for 500 dollars, maybe we should of just done it ourselves, but in the end it did go smooth.

Re: FMIL is driving me NUTS!!!!!

I agree also with the other post. A RD is not a time for her to be entertaining whoever she wants. This is you and your FH's time. What is wrong with these people for inviting anyone to something that is for you and FH? Sometimes they forget who this is really about.