FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

robinandjoe Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:01 PM

FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

OK, so I really don't have any FMIL horror stories at all, and we get along great. We're just very different, and she has, through the years. put me in some uncomfortable situations.
So, on Christmas she handed me this little satin bag, and said she was really excited for me to open it...and tells me that it's my 'something old'. So already I start hoping it's something that I can pin on the inside of my dress...we definitely don't have the same taste! Plus, I already have my something old, from my own mother. So when I open it, it is a pair earrings and a necklace...they are all a pineapple shaped crystal...with lots of iridescent color in it, and the necklace one is on a weird siver chain. Of course I say, 'Oh it's so pretty', and she's all like, 'Put it in your hope chest for your wedding day'. And I just smile, and ask what the story is behind the something old, and she says, 'Oh I got them in the antique shop'. So they don't have anything to do with her.
I already know that I am not wearing a necklace that day, and there is no chance I will wear the earrings. But I don't want to hurt her feelings. What do yo uthink I should do/say? I don't want to upset her, but not even my own mother would just pick up something and assume that I would wear it on my wedding day (unless it was something hidden). She's also already bought us some other things for the day of that are not our style and I would like to pick out myself! What's a girl to do?! TIA!

tricia3381 Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:04 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

maybe wear it to the rehersal? and then explain to her that ur OWN mother already gave u ur something old?

LaurenF Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:05 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Can you politely tell her that you recently saw something that you have had your eye on and though you appreciate her buying you the jewelry, you think what you saw will go better with your dress?

JIFFY Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:06 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Sounds like my FMIL. Her intentions are good but her taste is awful. Simply tell her that you already have your something old and since what she got you isn't from 'her' then you don't feel that you should wear it. Just explain too that you both have different tastes in things and you would preferre to get some things on your own.

robinandjoe Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:09 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Yeah, I was thinking of wearing them to the rehearsal, and I'll probably have my hair down (they really are ugly)!!! I guess I will just say that I fell in love with another pair that looked perfect with my dress. My FSIL likes them though, and she was all excited, too. I was really surprised! I just don't want to hurt FMIL's feelings...

jenafee Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:10 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Ugh, what a mess she created for you.. sorry. I would simply tell her thank you, but you already have your something old, whether its from your mom, aunt, grandmother, etc.. and let it be with that. You can explain to her that even though her intentions were nice, you already have your wedding day jewelry or you're not wearing any because its the choice you've made with your dress.
I hate confrontations. If it were me, I'd mention it to FH in private and maybe he could nonchalantly say something?!!
Good luck!

eunicsd006 Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:10 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

i would tell her that your mom already gave u your something old.....i woud even put the earings in a lil sash and pin to the inside of my gown so shell also be included

mrsh2b Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:12 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Eek! Okay, you could do a few things.

1. 'Forget' to wear them on your wedding day. OR

2. tell her you'll wear them to the rehearsal but that you already have something old and very sentimental to wear on the wedding day.

I think it depends on your relationship. Me, personally, would choose #1 but that's me!

HelenZ Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:37 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

you've already received some great suggestions.....I would go with wearing it the rehearsal dinner and be honest with her and just tell her your mom is giving you your 'something old'. good luck!!!

billandme Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:40 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Posted by eunicsd006

i would tell her that your mom already gave u your something old.....i woud even put the earings in a lil sash and pin to the inside of my gown so shell also be included

That's a great idea!

SuzArtie69 Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:52 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Posted by eunicsd006

i would tell her that your mom already gave u your something old.....i woud even put the earings in a lil sash and pin to the inside of my gown so shell also be included

I agree, maybe you can incorporate it in the above or put it on your garter. It will be hidden until you take it off.

Future Mrs. Posted: Dec 29, 2006 11:57 PM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

I think you should just be very honest......explain that it doesn't go with your dress/look.
Perhaps you can wear one of the pineapple earings on a bracelet.....like a charm? But keep it realy small and hidden.
This is just one of those awkward situations.

PegaLega Posted: Dec 30, 2006 01:19 AM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

I say wear it to the rehearsal-b/c its obvious you dont want to hurt her feelings. I would not say anything about it to her until that day. When she asks how come you are wearing it that day and if you are wearing it your wedding day just explain that you would prefer to have your something old be something that has been worn by someone that has ALOT of meaning behind it and its special to them-and then add Besides I once I put my dress on with the jewelry I realized I didnt really want to wear a necklac or earrings, iwanted to be a bit more simple.

Good luck-thats a tough position to be in

Dee606 Posted: Dec 30, 2006 11:35 AM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

Posted by robinandjoe

Yeah, I was thinking of wearing them to the rehearsal, and I'll probably have my hair down (they really are ugly)!!! I guess I will just say that I fell in love with another pair that looked perfect with my dress. My FSIL likes them though, and she was all excited, too. I was really surprised! I just don't want to hurt FMIL's feelings...

That's a good idea.. You can wear them to the rehearsal. Maybe you can let FSIL wear them to your wedding. lol

mrspapagorgio Posted: Dec 30, 2006 11:58 AM

Re: FMIL 'Issue'-need opinions!!

I have learned through this whole process honesty is the best policy. People want to 'help' you, and do not even relize that you may not want/like what they have provided you with. The first few items I was 'given' I lied about and said I loved and am now stuck using a few things I never, ever would pick.