FMIL ISSUES! AGHH!!

OK- This has been ongoing BUT OMG~~ and I am shaking to the point I can't even tell the whole story to.

So the list has been done for quite some time .... I don't get married until next year ... but we all finally agreed to the list when I sent the save the dates out.

BUT, just today .... found out FMIL sent HER save the date to a person I said I did not want there!

She said I am putting my foot down? PUT YOUR MONEY DOWN TOO BIZATCH!~

these people have no biz being there, OK ... this rant is long enough ...

OMG THAT IS AWFUL!!!!!! how can she do that? this is YOUR wedding!!!!!!

i am going through similar issues with mine too. Her intentions are good, she just does things the wrong way. Sounds like your FMIL is the same way.

Jmo, but i'd be careful with sending ur save the dates out and 'finalizing' your guest list more then a year ahead of time. Things change, people meet new people, others are no longer friends, people get married/engaged, others get divorced etc.

Since she already sent the save the date out i'd kind of leave this battle alone if it's 1 or 2 extra people. just make ur FMIL aware of your feelings.

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Posted by AdriandSteve

Jmo, but i'd be careful with sending ur save the dates out and 'finalizing' your guest list more then a year ahead of time. Things change, people meet new people, others are no longer friends, people get married/engaged, others get divorced etc.

Since she already sent the save the date out i'd kind of leave this battle alone if it's 1 or 2 extra people. just make ur FMIL aware of your feelings.

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forget it.. i realized ur date was a fake date lol.
so forget 1/2 of the first paragraph lol

you see .. the thing is that its her other sons future inlaws ...

then I asked if they were going to invite my parents to their wedding (2 months later) and she said NO


She did the same thing with my engagement party, I told her there is a person that I just do not want there ...

She agreed, then after the invites went out she called that person to invite her.

Oh, and these people will go, they do not miss a chance for a free party ...

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Posted by drivwal

I'd leave this alone. You always have to be careful with what you say because she will be your future mother in law and you don't want to get on her bad side during wedding planning. Remember that this is really just a celebration of you and your FH. Don't let her defiant acts destroy your enjoyment of this wonderful time. This person may not even come anyway...you never know. Just don't stress out over this...maybe you can sit down with your FMIL and tell her that if she wants to invite people that she knows, she should give you a list and you will take care of the inviting. You can always use a B list....and this way she will feel like she has some part of the wedding.

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ITA.

I have actually been going through a very similar situation with our engagement party. FH and I are paying for the party and we decided that we only want close family and the bridal party and groomsmen to be at the E-Party. Well, I knew who FH was inviting from his side, but I figured I would ask FMIL for the list from her side to make her feel involved in the whole thing, and she gave me a list that included 20 extra people that FH didn't want there. FH and I both flipped out about it. Espeically after I had politely said to her close family and bridal party/groomsmen 3 times, and she would not be paying for these extra people and they are friends and not family. Ugh. That actually just happened last week too. The end result is that FH told his mom family only - and no friends. So....in the end we are getting what we want mainly because we are paying for it!

ETA: There was no way I was telling FMIL that it wouldnt be friends at the E-Party after I had told her 3 times, so FH told his mom. I wanted to stay out of it at that point. I hate drama....

Well,
Coming from someone with her own issues to deal with, I would leave it alone.
Pick your battles wisely.
I have four siblings, three are married.
My mother insisted she invite my brother's in laws to our engagment party...I felt they should have been saved for the wedding.
I honestly feel that they came out of obligation.
I evntually just shut up about it...

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Posted by AdriandSteve

Jmo, but i'd be careful with sending ur save the dates out and 'finalizing' your guest list more then a year ahead of time. Things change, people meet new people, others are no longer friends, people get married/engaged, others get divorced etc.

Since she already sent the save the date out i'd kind of leave this battle alone if it's 1 or 2 extra people. just make ur FMIL aware of your feelings.

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i agree im doing save the dates but only to FH family and mine no co-workers or friends, his mom does not talk to the family too much but they where all at e-party and i just wanna let them know the date and i m sending them the hotel info because may of them told her at eparty they would stay over becaus emany of fmil family is upstate

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Posted by AdriandSteve

Jmo, but i'd be careful with sending ur save the dates out and 'finalizing' your guest list more then a year ahead of time. Things change, people meet new people, others are no longer friends, people get married/engaged, others get divorced etc.

Since she already sent the save the date out i'd kind of leave this battle alone if it's 1 or 2 extra people. just make ur FMIL aware of your feelings.

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ITA, Persoanlly I am only send out my save the dates to family and friends. I am not sending them to co-workers just because of this economy they might not be there in a year.

I would def. be VERY angry...my FILs has been a royal pain about pretty much eventhing but the guest list tops the list!

The hard part is that FMIL will be there forever so you have to becareful about making it a really bad situation for your self down the road.

What I am planning on diong is FILs are inviting unwanted people to the Eparty that my family, me, FH are paying for. The party is a FMILs house so we really can not say no (and when FH does she throw a fit like is is five years old, seriously). It has been made clear that if our families what to invite their friends to our wedding (we are paying for it) they will have to pay for them bc FH and I can not. People who are invited to the Eparty will assume that they will be invited to the wedding. I will be in charge of those wedding invitations and will not be mailing out anyones invite that FILs are inviting but have not given us money for. I will not be saying this to them in advance though like a theat or anything to avoid a fight but, they keep their end of the deal we keep ours. They dont, we don't...we can not be stuck with the bill for people we hardly know. If I was you honestly I prob would just not invite these people to the wedding. I am also mean about the wedding and done dealing with the FILs bc they pretty much bring me to tears everyday over the wedding or the eparty.

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Posted by bride2b57

I know plenty of people said let it go...I just think this is incredibly manipulative. If I were you I would be outraged, its definitely stepping way over boundaries and its extremely sneaky. Even more so because you voiced you didn't want this person there!! It would be bad enough if she sent the STD to someone else but the fact that she sent it delibrately to someone you did not want there is way over the top. I hear your frustruations. What does FH think of all this? I don't think you should blow up on her but a conversation should be in order. What would concern me is the sneakiness of it all. If she is capable of orchestrating something like this, what else could she do? I would ask her why she went behind your back like that and how would she feel if that was done to her...maybe tell her you want her to be a part of the planning and your day but that this really got you mad. A nice reminder that this is YOUR wedding may be appropriate too. Good luck with this one!

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ITA
If this is what is happening now, what is going to happen with later wedding planning? If people can be sneaky now, they sure can be later too.