FMIL Issues - Sorry - really long
OK _ Background first - FMIL and I are not really close - we speak politely, can carry a conversation, but there is no connection. FI is not very close with her either, although he tries really hard to be - she's very cold. His father passed away 8 years ago, and FI misses him greatly, and feels his father would have been great to me. His mother has been completely uninvolved with the wedding, except when it came to inviting 'friends' (whom FI never met before) to wedding related functions (engagement party, shower, wedding, all thrown by my parents). She's been rather troublesome ...since my parents are paying for it..it's been VERY unpleasant for both my mom and myself, and FI has tried to confront her on this but she seems oblivious to the effect she has on her son, her FDIL, and my parents, let alone family friends.
Fast forward to rehearsal dinner - she offered to pay for it, which was more than I expected and was grateful for..but she left it to us to plan... and put down the deposit..we keep telling her when the rehearsal is and she keeps asking over and over again.. very frustrating..anyway, a few weeks ago I asked her if she had thought about sending out invitations,as people in the bridal party and family were asking for information. She told me she thought it was 'a given' that there was a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner, and no need to send out invitations. When I responded that she needs a head count, and people often need a written reminder, need specifics and directions, blah, blah, she said 'Well, my family doesn't need invites but if you want to send it to your family, go ahead.' ***?? But after I pointed out she needed a head count to give to the rehearsal dinner site (plus it would look a little weird that FI & I are throwing the rehearsal dinner she's paying for), she agreed and I gave her a guest list (for BP and my family) with addresses. Now, she did ask if my parents, and my brother and sister (who are in the wedding party) needed an invitation, as they would know about it from me, and I said yes, I'm sure they'd appreciate a written reminder, plus they'd love an invitation so they could respond. Well, guess what? She sent them to the BP (Thank God!!), but not to me & FI(I'm OK with that), or my brother and sister, or my parents. No call from her, nothing. I know it's not a huge deal, and yes, they know the particulars, but I felt an invitation of some kind was warranted for the RD..and that my parents, who are sponsoring the wedding, and are helping out so much with the planning aspects of the wedding..they at least deserve the respect of an invitation..as do the rest of my family..I feel like it was passive aggressive..that she said she'd send the invites but only to people she felt needed them, and that my family didn't rate an invite..I don't know, it's silly, but I really feel it's disrespectful to my family - I mean they're invited, but they don't get an invite. AARRGGGHH am I crazy to be angry??? HELP!!!
Fast forward to rehearsal dinner - she offered to pay for it, which was more than I expected and was grateful for..but she left it to us to plan... and put down the deposit..we keep telling her when the rehearsal is and she keeps asking over and over again.. very frustrating..anyway, a few weeks ago I asked her if she had thought about sending out invitations,as people in the bridal party and family were asking for information. She told me she thought it was 'a given' that there was a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner, and no need to send out invitations. When I responded that she needs a head count, and people often need a written reminder, need specifics and directions, blah, blah, she said 'Well, my family doesn't need invites but if you want to send it to your family, go ahead.' ***?? But after I pointed out she needed a head count to give to the rehearsal dinner site (plus it would look a little weird that FI & I are throwing the rehearsal dinner she's paying for), she agreed and I gave her a guest list (for BP and my family) with addresses. Now, she did ask if my parents, and my brother and sister (who are in the wedding party) needed an invitation, as they would know about it from me, and I said yes, I'm sure they'd appreciate a written reminder, plus they'd love an invitation so they could respond. Well, guess what? She sent them to the BP (Thank God!!), but not to me & FI(I'm OK with that), or my brother and sister, or my parents. No call from her, nothing. I know it's not a huge deal, and yes, they know the particulars, but I felt an invitation of some kind was warranted for the RD..and that my parents, who are sponsoring the wedding, and are helping out so much with the planning aspects of the wedding..they at least deserve the respect of an invitation..as do the rest of my family..I feel like it was passive aggressive..that she said she'd send the invites but only to people she felt needed them, and that my family didn't rate an invite..I don't know, it's silly, but I really feel it's disrespectful to my family - I mean they're invited, but they don't get an invite. AARRGGGHH am I crazy to be angry??? HELP!!!
