I am a little upset today! I have been planning this wedding w/ FH and my parents - I have tried to involve FMIL in planning but she is not interested! I asked her to give us a guest list and I wanted to send the save the dates out. I have been asking her since May - that way we can also know how many of our friends we can invite. We don't want to go over 150. Anyways, some background info on FMIL - She is not the greatest mother. My FH has been living with me for 3 years now and we have seen her maybe 15 times. She lives about 20 mins away - actually closer than my own parents who we see all the time. Today was FH birthday and my parents called for him early in the morning and so did my grandmother and grandfather. His mother just called - 8pm and his two brothers haven't called yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, back to the guest list. She told FH that she doesn't have the guest list yet and isn't it too far away. I HAVE TOLD HER A MILLION TIMES WHEN I WANT IT! I am not asking her for a dime and I told her to have as many people as she wanted. She gave my FH a list of 3 people off the top of her head!!! 3!!!!!!! Is she serious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry b/c I feel she doesn't care about me or him. FH said she isn't going to but I have been trying to make an effort! I want some sort of a relationship with FMIL! Anyways, this really bothers me and I don't know what to do. I have tried to take her out to dinner and sit her down and talk to her but she is always busy. She won't even go look at RH and we booked it 6 months ago! Any suggestions on what I should do??????? Sorry for the long post - I am just super upset! TIA
KD1279
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Re: FMIL problems
I am so sorry, you should pray for her, she has problems. It seems you have done a whole lot to establish a type of relationship with her. Remember this is still going to be the best time in you and your FH's life!!!! Its will all work out!!! All LIW girls pray for each other!!!
BellaEyes
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Re: FMIL problems
You have mail!
sunshine1813
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Re: FMIL problems
I have the same problem w/ my FMIL and I have come to realize that she will never change and I will never get her help or full cooperation w/ our wedding. FH had to tell FMIL that if she didn't give us a list before we sent out the Save the dates then she wouldn't be able to invite anyone. Needless to say she never gave us a list, we sent STD to his immediate family that we knew he wanted to invite and told her that's it. You need to get FH to talk to her. Perhaps the 2 of you togther can do this. Perhaps confronting her together and taking the problems out will hwlp resolve some of the issues you are having w/ her. Hope this helps.
MyDay627
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Re: FMIL problems
Im so sorry. I know how you feel. I have invited MIL over for dinner offered to go out and I find she always has an excuse. When we first told her about the wedding she got up in the middle of DH's sentence and walked out of the room. I was much closer to her before I had our second son. Now she is very close to SIL who she would bad mouth to me constantly. If you ever need a shoulder let me know. I wish I could give you advice on what to do but I cant
PrincessRose
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Re: FMIL problems
I completely understand how you're feeling, because we went through the same thing. All I can say is that you do the best you can, but at the end of the day you have to accept that there's only so much you can do.
My MIL gave me a lot of problems right up until the wedding day - after asking her to give me a guest list, she stalled and stalled until the last minute, and then gave me incorrect addresses for her own family! Then there were a lot of problems with our limitations - she wasn't willing to pay for any guests, yet she wanted to invite cousins DH hadn't ever met. Needless to say, that caused a lot of stress and fighting, but when all was said and done our wedding was beautiful.
I'm sorry that your FMIL is so difficult, but really, you just may have to deal with the fact that you and her are not going to get along.
ejm1219
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Re: FMIL problems
The thing is - we do get along!!!!! Its not like she is mean to me, and I am not mean to her. For xmas she bought me a xmas present but not FH. I just don't get her. She's clueless!
kat107
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Re: FMIL problems
It sounds like you have such a big heart, and that you have reached out to her repeatedly. You did mention that your FH told you that she's not going to reciprocate, though, and truth be told, I'd listen to him. As hurtful as it is, he's had a lifetime of experience with her, and knows how to handle her. You don't have to cut her off, you don't have to fight with her, but you don't have to continue to put yourself out there only to get hurt. Continue with your wedding plans, send your STD's to whoever you have on your list currently. In other words, stop beating your head into the wall. She is who she is, and it doesn't sound like that will be changing anytime soon. Be happy, love your FH and your family, and plan your wedding. Remember what's important, and let the things you have no control over go. Best of luck to you.
