Too often I read questions on here about FMIL drama and I have a bit of a dilemma myself.
My FMIL mentioned to my FH today that she wants to have a closer relationship with me. Right now we have a very good relationship but I know what she is saying-we are not 'close'. We chat on the phone occasionally, FH & I have dinner with them, do things together on the weekend etc. FH is an only child and she treats me very much like one of the family. She has been very helpful with the wedding offering financial and emotional support-anything that we may need. We have never had an argument or disagreement and I thought everything is really good! My problem is that I keep everyone at an arm's length-even my own mother. Maybe it's to protect myself or to ensure that there isn't any drama.
So what should I do? How do I get closer without it being obvious I'm only doing it since she said something becasue I really thought we had a very good relationship the way it is. She is a very nice person and I don't want to hurt her.
Wifeynella
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
You don't necessarily have to open your heart to her, but maybe do a spa day together or include her in some of your wedding projects.
Just be careful not to offend your own mom
FutureMrsSoltan
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
I would have a day where you guys hung out and went shopping and maybe grabbed lunch. It must be hard. Sorry not much help, my FMIL is awesome!
FutureMrsSoltan
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
I agree with the spa idea too !!
sharivera
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
First it sounds to me like you have a great relationship with her. and it also sounds like maybe you are the daughter she always wanted but never had.....i agree shopping or a day together would be nice...especially if you do really get along well with her.
Iluvpoodles
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
I only speak or see my FMIL when I happen to go to FH's house. We don't chat on the phone or hang out just me and her. He is an only child and I'm my mother's only child too. My family he is very close too. My family will call him on the phone, we all hang out. They have accepted him as a son and adore him. She's called me in the past to talk about wedding stuff and I'll give her updates but besides that any updates she will get is from FH. I know FH would like us to be closer but unfortunatly doubt that will be happening for a variety of reasons. If you want a closer relationship then go for it. If not then don't. You don't have to be best friends but should be civil to one another. You should try taking her shoppping or something or out to lunch.
kris_gets_hitched
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
Posted by sharivera
First it sounds to me like you have a great relationship with her. and it also sounds like maybe you are the daughter she always wanted but never had.....i agree shopping or a day together would be nice...especially if you do really get along well with her.
I agree - it sounds like you do have a pretty good relationship with her, and you're very lucky for that! Some of us around here aren't nearly as lucky. Shopping is an easy go-to, as well as going out for brunch or lunch before or after. I understand how you keep people at a distance, even when you're close with them - shopping may be a nice thing to do because it's kind of like talking about the weather with a stranger at a party - it's something everyone does. I personally don't know if I'd venture into a spa day just yet. That might be a little out of your comfort zone for now. Is there any DIY wedding project you're working on that you could use her help in? That's also an idea..
JAAMS
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
I'd wait a few days/a week before doing anything, that way it's not so obvious that you're doing it because of what she said. Then suggest the two of you go out and do something simple together- shop, get lunch, go out for movie... or maybe if you know there's a movie out that she really wants to see, take it to it. You'll be at a movie- sitting in silence- so there will be no chance that either of you would have to start pouring your hearts out to eachother or anything like that.
debzy
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
FMIL and I went out to dinner w/o FH to bond. Maybe you could suggest the same?
TheFutureMrsPM
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL Question Please Help Me
Maybe do something girl with her...I agree with the spa idea or maybe you could start a little smaller? You could call her as a 'random' (not random but not a big plan eihter) thing to go get ur nails done?
