FMIL Rant

So my FMIL is usually pretty harmless in all things wedding related. (Although that´s prob b.c we live in Ecuador and the wedding is in NY so she really doesn´t have a say in anything!!)

Every since FHs father died a few years back he pays all of her bill. We got her an apartment a few blocks away from us. At the begining she would come over every now and then but she would tell us first. Now sometimes she just shows up unannounced. I can accept that sometimes. But the issue here is that we have dinner at lunch time. So her showing up without warning is like someone just showing up for dinner. Since we are on a tight budget right now we have no left overs. We cook exactly what we will need for the people eating here. Sometimes she comes over with her granddaughter (FHs niece) We tell them its ok for them to come over every now and then as long as they let us know.

The other day I spoke with her in the morning before leaving (i was accompanying her on some errands) and she said neither her nor her granddaughter were coming over that day. So we separate the food I plan what were having for lunch based on that. Then when we get back she comes to my house with me to pick up her granddaughter and supposedly go to her house. (last minute she realized her granddaughter was going to her house that day and so we left her with the nanny) They stay, and stay and suddenly decide on staying for lunch!! If it hadn´t been that we had just went to the supermarket the night before and the chicken wasnt frozen I don´t know what I would´ve done!!

Today we get home and she´s already here!! (the nanny had let her in). We were eating and she was there and I said that I want to just turn off the computer and go lay down and watch tv. I go to the room and she´s in there!!! Usually she goes into FDIL room and watches TV there (shes at her moms house) Why is she in our room!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Yikes. You need to put a stop to this ASAP, otherwise it's just going to get worse.

This is what my mom did with my grandma when she pulled this stunt back when I was a kid. She would answer the door and say 'oh, I'm sorry, you caught us at a bad time, we actually have an appointment/playdate/etc.' and my grandma got the hint and left...and never pulled that stunt again!

Or, you could be like my aunt...who allowed it to happen time and time again (same grandma)...and my grandma eventually ended up with her own bedroom in my aunt and uncle's house.

I suggest you use the technique my mom employed. Aside from the food issue, it's just not cool that she's there all the time. For christ's sake, your FH pays for an apartment for her...she could show some effing gratitude by, um, LIVING THERE!!!

I definitely like your moms technique!! Thankfully FH is helping. Last night she left and I turned off the computer and went to the bedroom. FH tells me she had asked if her granddaughter could come over today because she had some errands to run. This morning I find out from the nanny that before she even asked us (because as you remember she decided to be in our house when we weren´t!!) she had already told the nanny that her granddaughter was coming today. When I told FH he was PISSED!!

He told her that he had heard that she had announced that her grandaughter was coming over before asking. He said while he doesn´t mind letting his niece come over when we can it is still necesary to ask our permission first. Not just assume that she can come over and start making plans. Plus he said that she needs to let us know with time when she´s coming over, especially when its to eat. I feel bad b.c I know she prob gets lonely sometimes but she needs to let us breathe!!

I´m so glad FH is on my side in this!!

That's great that your FH is handling things with her that way. Sometimes you just gotta be upfront with people!

Trust me, now that you guyshave put your foot down (feet down? lol!), she'll eventually get over it AND have more respect for both of you. And you'll enjoy spending time with her more, because you'll actually be able to look forward to seeing her...not dread the idea that she might be in your house, unannounced.

just one thing...