FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

Hello ladies!!

I've been reading this board for a little while now, and I am thrilled to say that I will be joining your ranks soon. My FH and I picked out an e-ring recently and he will be putting it away for a little bit so that I am at least kind of surprised when he officially proposes.

Anyway..we told his mom this weekend (b/c we are going to have the ring shipped to his Grandma in FLA to save on sales tax) and the very first thing his mom said was 'how much was it?' The second thing she said was that my FH's cousin's ring was twice that amount (big lie). I was in shock - no 'I'm so happy for you' or 'Congratulations'. Then she proceeded to tell me where I would register. I very politely said 'thanks - those are good suggestions' but she kept going on and on. What am I going to do? I think she's completely freaked out and feeling like she's losing her son, plus her own marriage isn't going so well, but I feel like I have to put a stop to this or when we are actuially engaged she will feel like she's running the show.

I probably sound like a B*&^% but I am so disappointed in her reaction. Thanks for listening!

Re: FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

I have been engaged since december. I am still waiting for his family to congratulate us. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Also when he did propose his dad laughed and his mom was annoyed because I got a nice ring. So, some people cant be happy. Put your foot down now, and share your joy with your soon to be fiance!

Re: FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

Hi...Well first I'll say congrats! I know its hard when you expect one responce and get another. I thought I would have some problems also with my FMIL asking about the $ part. See Sometimes I think that she thinks I'm a rich B!@#$ b/c they really can't help much. I just feel like I am going to do it once and its going to be perfect. Just keep in mind that this is really emotional for her. She is 'loosing' her son. If you have never had a problem with her before then I'm sure things will be fine. Try to keep that kind of information private...if she insists then tell her. When she makes comments just tell her that its what you can afford and its what the both of you want...It's your wedding.
Hope I was of some help...fell free to vent any time thats what we are all here for.
Happy Planning

Re: FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

this is such a hard situation and so many brides on this board have experience with it. Just try to be patient. People don't do well with change in general. The best thing you can do is involve her in a few special arrangements. My FMIL is organizing the rehearsal dinner , and I requested his stepmother to putll together some old family photos for display on the placecard and cake table. I think it kind of gave them a mission of sorts and they started to lay off on other requests.

Good luck and please feel free to vent!

Re: FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

Thanks you guys. It helps to know I am not alone. I'm trying to look on the bright side, and I guess that when the time comes to start really planning, I can ask her to help with some of the (minor) details and choices so she's not feeling unloved or uninvolved.

Re: FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

I have had alot of grief from my FMIL. I could write all night about all the rudeness that she has dealt my way. Sometimes you cant believe the way people can be, but unfortunately you cant change ignorance. Try not to let it get more out of hand if you can control that, especially during the planning, but at the same time, dont let her take control. It is your time and your day. I think my FMIL does not know that or never cared to know that. Hang in there and we are always here to listen. Good luck with your planning! I only have less than three weeks to go.

Re: FMIL troubles (LONG) - and we're in the very beginning stages!

My FMIL never ooohed and aahhed over my ring either and it is stunning. Her son worked so hard & spent alot on it and she just said its nice.!
I also have been asking her for names & addresses so i can start my guest list for over 2 months now and nothing. She NEVER asks hows the wedding planning going, I always have to bring it up. She favors my FSIL because she has her grandchildren, she never calls me, the only time I see her is on holidays or if we stay at her home in the Hamptons and every time we talk wedding stuff she thinks its too early (like alot of people) meanwhile I have 9 months to go and over 200 people coming to the wedding so I tell her I want to get a start on getting my list together....I waste my breath!
Talk about frustration! My FH is her 2nd born son (she has 2 sons) and I feel she favors my FH's brother & his wife sooo much! She is ALWAYS with them, buys them stuff...and meanwhile when i say she NEVER calls here I mean it. We live together for 1 yr & a half and she came once for Christmas and she doesn't live far and she drives all over the planet like a long distance call,but she wont come here so I see your grief trust me!
So many of us can type away all night about our FMIL problems.
Come vent here (like I just did) and remember, you are marrying him and hopefully she accepts you and your planning, otherwise talk to her, although we tried when I felt she plain out hated me and she says she dont see anything wrong...OK then...! lol
I wish you the best and I think Cindy's words were the perfect ones.