FMIL VENTTT-- Am I wrong????

OK--- So June 26th I am going dress shopping for me with my MOH and mom. By then I hope to have an idea of what i want so the next weekend my cousin from MD is coming with me, 2 BM, and my FSIL and FMIL (who will be up from FLA). I wanted the bridal party to come and thought it would be nice to invite FMIL bc she would be hurt if i didn't. All i wanted was BM and moms to see the dress or dresses I might get. I emailed FMIL to invite her to stuff the weekend they are up. She emailed me back asking if Michele was invited to go dress shopping with us. Michele is my FBIL girlfriend of 4 months. (they live up here 5 min from us.)

I wrote back the following:
No- I don't really want anyone other then the wedding party and the moms seeing what I will be wearing for my wedding dress. If you think it is going to cause a major problem let me know- What do you think?


She replied:

I don?t really know if it would be a problem, but based on her relationship with Matt, I think in this case, maybe you can make an exception. It is up to you.

I am annoyed she even asked. I mean its not like she has nothing to do. She lives here. They have been dating for 4 months. We are going to be gone for 2 hours! I am even more annoyed that after I said NO she replied with that---

Am I wrong to be completely annnnnoyed??? I have a pit in my stomach!! I am not a fighter!!

wow... 4 months? is this girl paying your FMIL's mortgage for her or something? I didn't even meet FH's mom for ages.

I don't think you're wrong. Maybe FH can talk to his mom for you and see why its so important she go with you. I'm sure you barely know this girl. And I wonder why she evens wants to go.

I mean the girl i have hung out with a few times with the guys but thats it. I don't know if this is coming all from the mom or from Michele as well. If its coming from michele now i feel bad because now they asked and I said no.. IDK what to say. I am waiting to speak to FH. he agrees. I can't believe she asked me!!

i'd be annoyed. I really wouldn't want someone not close to me seeing my dress before the wedding. I just don't get the point of her being there, like you said.

I'd just be nice but firm and respond by saying that you know it's going to be an emotional and special day and would really like to keep the group to those who are the most special to you.

You can also say that you wanted to keep the group small so there are less people voicing their opinions.

I would stand firm. You want to set boundaries now so this doesn't become a pattern down the line! We still have a ways to go till 2011~!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh helllllllllllllllllllllllll noooooooooooooooo!!!

Don;t you dare bend girl!! I would be furious!! Who is this chick to you? Its not like they have beeen together forever or are engaged or anything!!!!!!!! FMIL is LUCKY you even invited her! Im not taking mine!!!!!!!!!!

i'm thinking i mean it wouldn't hurt her being there but it's really weird to me that she'd even want to go. I mean, isnt she going to feel left out? she's not i the BP so what is she going to do? sit around and feel uncomfortable?

It's STRANGE! Why would FMIL be so attached to this girl after 4 months?

I dont blame you at all....its your day, its your wedding, its your dress, its your decision.

Just let her know that while you appreciate her thinking the gf, its not really what you had in mind.

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Posted by allornil

i'm thinking i mean it wouldn't hurt her being there but it's really weird to me that she'd even want to go. I mean, isnt she going to feel left out? she's not i the BP so what is she going to do? sit around and feel uncomfortable?

It's STRANGE! Why would FMIL be so attached to this girl after 4 months?

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This is what I was thinking....wouldn't she feel sort of odd in that group? Not only is she not in the BP....she's only been dating into the family for 4 months. This seems awkward to me. If you can, I would stand your ground. I know how easy it is to say, yet hard to do...but I think you should try. I agree with the other girls too...Tell them you want fewer opinions, and less people seeing your dress before the big day.

when i was engaged onc ebefore, i had the FMIL from H E L L!!!
She would always try to make me do things her way and corece me and make m feel bad. i only took ,y mym om and my MOH to see my dress when i bought it, afterwards she badgered me until i showed her the dress she wouldn't leave me alone. she even found a picture of it online and showed it to all of her friends. i was furious!subsequently, i ended up switching my dress, and she never knew about it. i wonder what would have happened if we did end up getting married and on the day of the wedding she would have seen that it was a different dress! oh well.

but anyway - my advise to you, is never ASK if it ok, or if youthik its going to be a problem for anything! don't pose questions! i know it soounds mean but it lets people walk all over you. i'm not talking about the people who really care about you, but those who don't. your Bro has only been withthis girl for only 4 months. they are only dating and have no plans to be married. and even if they did, she is not a close friend or family memeber, so she can see the dress on the day of the wedding. i would let you FMIL that you would like to keep the guests to moms and BP only. you hope she understands and thanks again.
thats it. no explanations - b/c quite honestly she doesn't need them. its your decision that matters

Honestly, you asked her What she thought and she told you so you can't necessarily get mad that she told you.

Do I think it's right.. no. Do I think she should be invited.. lol no.

I'd just stick to your guns and say you are only inviting the BM's and mom's. Don't leave it open-ended.

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Posted by Moonmist09

when i was engaged onc ebefore, i had the FMIL from H E L L!!!
She would always try to make me do things her way and corece me and make m feel bad. i only took ,y mym om and my MOH to see my dress when i bought it, afterwards she badgered me until i showed her the dress she wouldn't leave me alone. she even found a picture of it online and showed it to all of her friends. i was furious!subsequently, i ended up switching my dress, and she never knew about it. i wonder what would have happened if we did end up getting married and on the day of the wedding she would have seen that it was a different dress! oh well.

but anyway - my advise to you, is never ASK if it ok, or if youthik its going to be a problem for anything! don't pose questions! i know it soounds mean but it lets people walk all over you. i'm not talking about the people who really care about you, but those who don't. your Bro has only been withthis girl for only 4 months. they are only dating and have no plans to be married. and even if they did, she is not a close friend or family memeber, so she can see the dress on the day of the wedding. i would let you FMIL that you would like to keep the guests to moms and BP only. you hope she understands and thanks again.
thats it. no explanations - b/c quite honestly she doesn't need them. its your decision that matters

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I agree. Asking 'what do you think?' or asking if it will be a problem is creating an opening for a response that you won't like. You're being too nice! Just shut that window!

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Posted by kedra5

I dont blame you at all....its your day, its your wedding, its your dress, its your decision.

Just let her know that while you appreciate her thinking the gf, its not really what you had in mind.

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ITA. Honestly, looking for gowns and whatnot is a really personal thing. If you aren't close with this girl yet, she has no place being there.

No, you have every right to be angry!!!!

My FMIL is the same way!!! I told her that I only wanted the BP and mother's to see my dress and she knows I have a picture of it on my phone. The other day we're sitting there with her neighbor and her neighbor's daughter and my FMIL goes 'Show Robyn your dress.' So I said I would show it to her online, I figured atleast it's not on me...she goes 'No, I don't like how it looks on the website. Show her the picture on your phone!' Like are you kidding lady????? Ugh!!!!!

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Posted by MrsTarricone2B

No, you have every right to be angry!!!!

My FMIL is the same way!!! I told her that I only wanted the BP and mother's to see my dress and she knows I have a picture of it on my phone. The other day we're sitting there with her neighbor and her neighbor's daughter and my FMIL goes 'Show Robyn your dress.' So I said I would show it to her online, I figured atleast it's not on me...she goes 'No, I don't like how it looks on the website. Show her the picture on your phone!' Like are you kidding lady????? Ugh!!!!!

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hahahahha! omg my FMIL would do that too! she wouldn't think it was rude. she'd just be excited.

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Posted by Moonmist09

when i was engaged onc ebefore, i had the FMIL from H E L L!!!
She would always try to make me do things her way and corece me and make m feel bad. i only took ,y mym om and my MOH to see my dress when i bought it, afterwards she badgered me until i showed her the dress she wouldn't leave me alone. she even found a picture of it online and showed it to all of her friends. i was furious!subsequently, i ended up switching my dress, and she never knew about it. i wonder what would have happened if we did end up getting married and on the day of the wedding she would have seen that it was a different dress! oh well.

but anyway - my advise to you, is never ASK if it ok, or if youthik its going to be a problem for anything! don't pose questions! i know it soounds mean but it lets people walk all over you. i'm not talking about the people who really care about you, but those who don't. your Bro has only been withthis girl for only 4 months. they are only dating and have no plans to be married. and even if they did, she is not a close friend or family memeber, so she can see the dress on the day of the wedding. i would let you FMIL that you would like to keep the guests to moms and BP only. you hope she understands and thanks again.
thats it. no explanations - b/c quite honestly she doesn't need them. its your decision that matters

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ITA! Word for word.

Just write back to her and tell her that you thought about it and you have decided that you still want to keep with small and just your BP and moms. Looking forward to seeing you! The End.

Make sure though that she doesn't take pics if it's that important to you that no one else see the dress before the day. She may start showing them if she has them.

O M G....
H E L L N O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!! IT IS UR DAY!!!!!!!!

OMG...Why?!!!!!!!!

No way,.... TELL HER NO...
Tell sorry but u dont want no one esle to se the dress... wth is wrong with her... inviting more ppl??!!!