FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

CippyLoo Posted: May 15, 2003 03:15 PM

FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

Everything is fine now, thanks for all the advice.

sophie78 Posted: May 15, 2003 03:18 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I just want to clarify: This was the reply you sent to your future mother in law about her son?

shelzyp Posted: May 15, 2003 03:18 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I know that I would not be able to say that to my FMIL, about her baby boy, but if you hve that type of realtionship, then no I don't think you are overreacting. I would be thinking the same thing, but I wouldn't tell my FMIL.

CippyLoo Posted: May 15, 2003 03:19 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

Yes it is....but we are very close.

tracyg Posted: May 15, 2003 03:22 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I could say that to my FMIL. SHe knows he can be a lazy pain in the ass! LOL

Misty Posted: May 15, 2003 03:23 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

The biggest mistake you can make is talk to your FMIL negatively about her son....it sets things off on a very wrong foot. You are involving her in something you are going to have to be capable of working out yourself once you are married. And, you are almost in essence asking her to help you reprimand him, which in the long run, will involve your MIL in all of your arguments with your husband. Honestly, this could wind up making your FH very very uncomfortable, and it could backfire and work against you!

I wouldn't send this....

MarcellaBella Posted: May 15, 2003 03:23 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I'm so confused.. she asked you to a wedding amd whether you were excited and you just rambled to her complaining about her son? why are you even getting her involved..

sophie78 Posted: May 15, 2003 03:24 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I don't know if you were over-reacting, but it is probably not the best idea to tell his mother. You don't want to offend her and you would not want her to interfere on your behalf (I don't think).

Remember, it is not what he did that is truly bothering you. That is just the surface issue. It is really what you feel his actions represent (e.g., lack of respect for you, withdrawing from your relationship, or whatever it may be). Address that with him (not during a heated argument) but when he seems relaxed. You could even ask him to let you know when it would be a good time to discuss a few things that way he picks the time.

Jordan Posted: May 15, 2003 03:24 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I don't think you're overreacting IF this was to a friend. Personally, I wouldn't vent to my FMIL like this about her son - regardless of the closeness of the relationship. I think that just opens up doors to other aspects of the relationship that should be off limits to outside family members.

ETA: Mistyeyed said it *much* better than I did.

HearzBellz Posted: May 15, 2003 03:26 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I agree with am470... no matter how close your relationship is with your FMIL, your FH is still her son.

I also think that a calm meaninhful discussion with him is in order. This may be his way of reacting to his nerves & wedding jitters, so be careful about reading into his recent actions.

Good Luck, and try to remember why you are doing this all in the first place

Thrilled Posted: May 15, 2003 03:27 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

No matter how close you are to your FMIL, this is not a good idea. He is still her baby boy and you are still the interloper, no matter how much you love each other (you and FMIL). I agree with everything Misty said - you are basically asking her to keep him in line, as if he were a child and this is NOT a pattern you want to start.....

JMO.

lulu Posted: May 15, 2003 03:28 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I am very close with my FMIL, but I would not send her and email talking about her son so negatively. If you need to vent abut the situation, maybe you could vent to a friend instead. I don't know what good can come from venting to your FMIL about it.

Sage10.03 Posted: May 15, 2003 03:31 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

You didn't send this yet right?

I really wouldn't....I know your close and making a couple sarcastic remarks is one thing...but this response is a whole other...
Be careful...remember she is his mother....

What would your mom think if he e-mailed her something like that about you?

CippyLoo Posted: May 15, 2003 03:32 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

Sorry, girls I wasn't clear she wrote to me asking if I was exciting about my wedding to her son...above was my reply. I'm very very close with her and she knows what a procrastinator he can be and how he puts things off for as long as possible so I'm not worried about offending her...it's just that after I wrote it I thought maybe I'm over reacting with him...should I be so mad at him right now...or am I getting all worked up about nothing...I feel like I should be so happy that the wedding is so close but I'm just stressed and so mad at him for not helping me.

alina Posted: May 15, 2003 03:34 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

This sounds more like a vent to the boards not to a FMIL... Please don't send it, b/c even if she agrees with you, she'll still be upset.

Misty Posted: May 15, 2003 03:38 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

Honestly, I'm more concerned with you offending your FH than you FMIL. I know he's driving you nuts, but one thing we have to face is that no matter what, guys just don't get excited about wedding crap. I just think if the roles were reversed, you'd be really upset if he used your mom as a sounding board for his problems with you, and I still stand by my statement that this will lead to more problems...that's JMO...

alina Posted: May 15, 2003 03:40 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I agree with misty... You need to talk to FH about it and express how you feel. Its not about excitement, but about handling work together... You both have to help each other finish the 'wedding' project.

Cindy Posted: May 15, 2003 06:30 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

I agree with Mistyeyed. I feel you never should put down your husband or husband to be to his mother. THat is not something that she is going to want to hear. I have been down the road you are going with the planning. I did ALOT by myself with the help of my mom. Hang in there and just remember that everthing will get done.

yabbobay Posted: May 15, 2003 08:21 PM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

saying it is one thing...putting it in writing is a completely different thing...

use the boards and vent...but I wouldn't send the eamil...no matter your relationship with MIL...

I have a terrific relationship with mine and still would never email her complaining about DH

julybride444 Posted: May 16, 2003 02:22 AM

Re: FMIL wrote me an email asking us to a BBQ and asking if I was getting excited about the wedding...(sorry very long)

Do I think you're overreacting, absolutely not. I'd have a long talk with him about how much work you're doing and what happens when you have kids or something....will he help then? You need someone who is going to help you-not burden you, period. Also, maybe there is a deeper reason why he 'can't think about it'....find out.

I know my FH and I had some problems last semester when I was working, going to school and planning the wedding, not to mention still cooking and doing housework! It took a little while, but I got him to understand how important it was for him to help me, and for me to have faith in him as my partner. He's really great now (I haven't done a dish or the laundry in 6 months!), I must admit.

As for venting like that to FMIL, whether or not you are comfortable with it, I can't imagine your FH would appreciate it. I find it disrespectful to your FH. It's not healthy, you should be talking to each other, not bashing each other to outside family members........