FMIL'S ?

So Can you girls share with me how many of you are having problems with your FMIL's? I am having severe ones, and it's causing a big issue between FH and Myself and My family. I was wondering If I am the only one or what really does go on behind closed doors? I have a lot of friends that are getting married and I don't really see this from them.

Thanks for any help!

I am sorry you can always vent here

I just find it insane that people complain to the bride and groom 3 months before their wedding. I am really easy to get along with so I really never imagined I would have issues with his family. Now three months before the wedding we are constantly argueing about his family and they keep calling our wedding a SHOW. Yes, a SHOW!

They are from PA and don't normally host these types of things. They are contributing towards vendors and were really helpful at the beginning. I feel like something happened and I missed it.
FYI my FH left home at 17 and joined the Marine Corps so he wasnt close with his family when I met him. Now they claim that they are so close and can't believe they werent included in more of the planning.
UGH

Hi, Michelle!!! I'm from Lancaster, Pa.,where are your FIL's from? I never heard of calling a wedding, a show. Weddings seem to bring out all kinds of reactions. Mary MOB

They are close to the Harrisburg area. It's not that they call weddings a 'show' they are calling MY wedding a SHOW because of the money and they feel we are trying to prove something? He says if we had done a wedding in his home town then it would have been similiar.
I guess this is just the way its going to be :(

Hi Shelly,

Sorry that you are going thru this. The only thing I can say is that my FMIL doesn't even acknowledge that there is a wedding. I think she spoke about it once or twice and I think that was because FH told her something. I really don't know what's worse a parent that cares too much or a parent that cares too little or none at all. Either way it's not a good feeling and i say always be positive and keep your head up. Don't let anyone bring you down. If you always have a good attitude they will always wonder what is she taking that she is always in a good mood.


Many blessings!

---

Posted by Shellymd

They are close to the Harrisburg area. It's not that they call weddings a 'show' they are calling MY wedding a SHOW because of the money and they feel we are trying to prove something? He says if we had done a wedding in his home town then it would have been similiar.
I guess this is just the way its going to be :(

---

Is this their first boy or only child or only boy?
Have you seen Everybody Loves Raymond tv show. My Fmil is like Marie.

Here is a little poem:

A son is son
till he finds him a wife
A daughter is a daughter
for the rest of her life.

Some people agree with this poem some people do not. My experience I do.

---

Posted by Shellymd

They are close to the Harrisburg area. It's not that they call weddings a 'show' they are calling MY wedding a SHOW because of the money and they feel we are trying to prove something? He says if we had done a wedding in his home town then it would have been similiar.
I guess this is just the way its going to be :(

---

Awww, honey, just be your sweet self. Donna's Sis, Debi, had a 'showy' wedding in Long Island, and yes, we heard all the comments, which in my mind were uncalled for, and rude!! As long as Debi and Fred were paying , it's their call how much to spend. And, I can tell you, I told some people who were complaining, that they don't HAVE to participate, and if they did want to participate, then, stop complaining, and be nice!!! Mary MOB

im sorry u r going through this..sometimes i think people forget how important a wwedding is and how expensive it can be..maybe they r just starting to realize that this is finally happening and there son will be a married man...if they r saying u r not involving them maybe u can give them a project to do..something easy..so they feel like they r helping out and then they can get off u back for a bit...hth good luck

He is her first born, and her only son from a previous marriage. He was the typical athlete then joined the Marines, came back as a Corpal and two tours in Iraq and moved here to marry me. I knew that this wasn't going to be easy but I never figured it would be hard.
I know they dislike me do to sterotypes of Long Island. The day they met me it was an automatic dislike. His sister despises me and has made that clear. I just dont care cause shes still young and is way to opinonated. My problem is that I treat everyone the way I want to be treated. These people are being mean and now really hurting OUR relationship and there is nothing we can do about it.
I never thought my wedding was a SHOW and have been very careful with money since day one. They have invited all of their friends and family without thinking. I just feel as if i am being harrassed three months before the wedding and its crazy.
His family is very different then mine (we are really close) but If i hear one more time about my 'values' from Long Island I am going to SCREAM!
Sorry for the Vent, I jsut cant keep repeating myself to my family. They say to just forget it and move on.

---

Posted by Shellymd

They are close to the Harrisburg area. It's not that they call weddings a 'show' they are calling MY wedding a SHOW because of the money and they feel we are trying to prove something? He says if we had done a wedding in his home town then it would have been similiar.
I guess this is just the way its going to be :(

---

That's kinda mean to call it a show. It sounds insulting.

I am sorry you are having problems.
I still have a ways to go... but so far not too many problems. FH does come home sometimes with strange 'ideas' that I know are coming from one of the FIL's. For example, he came home with this great idea of having him and the groomsmen wear fancy expensive suits instead of tuxedos. I shot that idea down.. i wasn't too into it at all - it wasn't his idea, turns out it was one of his sisters. Then one day he came home asking that we move the reception time up by an hour bc 'people' (meaning his parents) like to go to bed early and so we should move it up for them. Again, I said no because it is on a Friday and the majority of the guests will have work that day. So we purposly did a start time for 7:30 to accomidate these people. I was in no way going to move it up for maybe 10 people out of 200. Then the next time I saw FMIL she started mentioning it to me.. and I just didn't give an answer or information on it. I wasn't going to start a fight. But I booked the location and I am making the invitations and my side is paying for more of it.. so it will be the 7:30 start time to accomidate the majority of the guests. FMIL and FFIL like to be home super early from events. If they can be home by 10 or 11 they would be. But this is their son's wedding and they are adults and should be able to stay up late one night. One of their reasons for wanting to move it up was that with the start time being 7:30, the guests wouldn't be eating dinner until between 9 and 10.. My reply was it's not like they will be starving bc the CH has a TON of food.
All in all everything has been going good.. but as we get closer things might get a little bit sticky.. but my FIL's are usually very nice and non confrontational and just allaround nice people.. so I don't think it will get too bad. If anything my grandmother on my mom's side will be the biggest problem!

I do hear of issues coming up when planning a wedding... it happens quite often. So you are definately not alone.

I hope things work out for the best! Good Luck with everything!

---

Posted by Shellymd

He is her first born, and her only son from a previous marriage.

---

That explains it! I think the way they see it is their son went to the marines and now he is getting married. They never really got time to see him become a man. Now he has found someone 'who is taking him away.' Obviously if you are close to your family, you wouldn't want him not to be close to his. Just be yourself and they will eventually get it. Like I said always have a positive attitude. Even when they are treating you bad you will be the better person cause of it. Try not to stoop to their level.

---

Posted by MitziandAndrew

---

Posted by Shellymd

He is her first born, and her only son from a previous marriage.

---

That explains it! I think the way they see it is their son went to the marines and now he is getting married. They never really got time to see him become a man. Now he has found someone 'who is taking him away.' Obviously if you are close to your family, you wouldn't want him not to be close to his. Just be yourself and they will eventually get it. Like I said always have a positive attitude. Even when they are treating you bad you will be the better person cause of it. Try not to stoop to their level.

---

I totally agree!!!!!! Mary MOB

I am not one to spill my personal life, or complain on how bad I have it. However, I have a crazy crazy crazy mil. Before we even got engaged my mil would tell me 'I shouldn't trust her son'. She would tell me things to make me think he was lying to me. When we got engaged stuff went down hill real quickly. She gave me trouble with getting my sil (who is 12) her dress. Lied to me and told me it was picked up when it wasn't, let my sil in dye her hair purple and green 6 weeks before out wedding. Than she told us she wouldn't come to the wedding and that my sil couldn't be in the bridal party. She told people at our wedding that I was after DH for his money, mean while he has none lol. She showed up late to our ceremony and than got all upset because she didn't want to have a dance with her son. Now she is telling people that I am still after him for his money, and that I forced DH to marry me, that I am demanding and I am a b*tch. She calls us non stop looking for money and even after we help her with money its never enough. My family hats how she treats me. I try to tell them to just ignore it to but my mom especially hates how she talks about me. I don't want the two families to be at war so I try to keep the peace but its so hard.


I can definitely relate to in law trouble. It doesn't create much problems between DH and I because he wants nothing to do with her. I think the best thing you can do is avoid and ignore. Its so hard to do, but you can't let her know it gets to you.

I'm sooo sorry that you are having issues with FMIL... I know that my FMIL has her moments, but over-all she's not that bad. Did you try talking to her? I hope all works out...

Thanks Everyone! At this point she says she will go along with whats planned and that its only the wedding bothering her. I wish she understood how I feel.

Thank god Its only 3 months away!

---

Posted by MnM182008

I am not one to spill my personal life, or complain on how bad I have it. However, I have a crazy crazy crazy mil. Before we even got engaged my mil would tell me 'I shouldn't trust her son'. She would tell me things to make me think he was lying to me. When we got engaged stuff went down hill real quickly. She gave me trouble with getting my sil (who is 12) her dress. Lied to me and told me it was picked up when it wasn't, let my sil in dye her hair purple and green 6 weeks before out wedding. Than she told us she wouldn't come to the wedding and that my sil couldn't be in the bridal party. She told people at our wedding that I was after DH for his money, mean while he has none lol. She showed up late to our ceremony and than got all upset because she didn't want to have a dance with her son. Now she is telling people that I am still after him for his money, and that I forced DH to marry me, that I am demanding and I am a b*tch. She calls us non stop looking for money and even after we help her with money its never enough. My family hats how she treats me. I try to tell them to just ignore it to but my mom especially hates how she talks about me. I don't want the two families to be at war so I try to keep the peace but its so hard.


I can definitely relate to in law trouble. It doesn't create much problems between DH and I because he wants nothing to do with her. I think the best thing you can do is avoid and ignore. Its so hard to do, but you can't let her know it gets to you.

---

OMG this is like the classic FMIL nightmare! WOW! If I were you I wouldn't be giving this woman any money until she stopped talking smack about me. And I would call her to let her know that I don't appreciate what she says about me. I would even take it a step further.. because when we have kids.. I wouldn't allow any kid of mine near her if she is saying nasty untrue things about me - and she would be well informed of that. FH has a cousin who doesn't know me.. but has friends in common and she says nasty things about me.. well she's not invited to the wedding.. her mother and brothers are, but she certainly isn't. FH agrees with me. I deserve respect... everyone deserves respect.

It's sweet of you to try to keep the peace. Unfortunately that doesn't work so well when it's one sided. This woman seems to need a reality check. Good Luck with your situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

OMG this is like the classic FMIL nightmare! WOW! If I were you I wouldn't be giving this woman any money until she stopped talking smack about me. And I would call her to let her know that I don't appreciate what she says about me. I would even take it a step further.. because when we have kids.. I wouldn't allow any kid of mine near her if she is saying nasty untrue things about me - and she would be well informed of that. FH has a cousin who doesn't know me.. but has friends in common and she says nasty things about me.. well she's not invited to the wedding.. her mother and brothers are, but she certainly isn't. FH agrees with me. I deserve respect... everyone deserves respect.

It's sweet of you to try to keep the peace. Unfortunately that doesn't work so well when it's one sided. This woman seems to need a reality check. Good Luck with your situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

---

Well I am trying to save all my ammunition for when she really says something inappropriate. I've already told DH and he agrees she won't be able to be a large part of our children's life if she doesn't change. I wouldn't trust her to ever babysit our children or spend time alone with them. I just hate being a person who sinks down to her level but a person can only take so much as well.