FOCUS

Has anyone taken the FOCUS exam at the church?

what are some of the questions?

It was ridiculous! Let's see if I remember:

'Are you concerned that your future spouse is homosexual?'

'Does your future spouse frighten you?'

'Are you afraid to be naked in front of your future spouse?'

I cannot remember anymore. Mainly talked about finances and ideas about marriage. Be careful to ansewer honestly b/c they try to ask the same questions over in a different way to make sure you are answering truthfully!

IMO it was not 'ridiculous'. The test consists of about 150 questions, more if there are special situations involved (inter-faith, cohabitation, children, I forget what else).

The question content covers different areas that might create problems in a marriage. Finance, family background, running the household, friends, physical intimacy, children, faith, careers. Some of the questions might make you chuckle, but for people who are not in a 'healthy' relationship-these questions might be worth addressing-and the couple may need to deal with the issues before they are married.

If you take it seriously and are trying to make sure you and your FI are truly prepared for marriage, than it will be helpful. Your responses are compared to your FI's and then they grade you on the different areas. My FI and I took the time to discuss areas that we did not get a 90% or above on. I thought it was somewhat helpful, IMO anything that encourages communication in a relationship is a good thing. Have fun and good luck!

I did it. It wasn't bad. 150 questions and you have to agree, disagree or say 'not sure'. We had to go over our results with a married couple a few weeks later. They just go over stuff that the two of you answered differently. So if you agree and he disagrees, they score that as 'wrong' and you have to talk about it. The weird thing is, if you both disagree to a question but the church thinks you should agree that's also scored 'wrong' so it's a little skewed. That was the first time I've seen a scantron sheet and #2 pencil in years. But it wasn't bad at all.

Thanks.

Did they ask any questions about birth control? Pre-Marital sex?

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Posted by 69

Thanks.

Did they ask any questions about birth control? Pre-Marital sex?

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If I remember correctly, they asked if you had decided on what birth control method you would use after you were married. I don't think it explicitly asked about premarital sex, but I do know there is a seperate section for couples who are already living together or who have a child, that we didn't have to answer.

Don't be nervous about it, they are questions just to raise areas that they think you should discuss before getting married. Some of them are 'hot topics' like finances and things that may cause conflict after you are married. Some of them are to make sure you are entering the marriage of your own free will and that you are ready and willing to be married and have children at some point later on. Most of the questions were things that DH and I had already talked about. Some were good because they made us decide a few things we had procrastinated - combining bank accounts and things like that.

There were a few silly things, like one that stands out is 'Does your mate have any habits that annoy you?' The 'correct' answer is no. Even the couple who went over it with us thought that was a little unrealistic. I'm sure many healthy marriages have their share of annoying habits if the couple actually lives together.

ha ha.. that's so funny.. how could that answer be no... they may be little things but I'm sure there are some on both sides......

Yes bank accounts.. that's all been discussed... I am more worried that it will tailored towards extreme conservative Catholic beliefs and not in tune with today's society....I might answer wrong in the church's eyes on those matters....

I agree it's a good tool to use to determine if there are areas that have not been discussed previously.....

I've never been crazy about test taking... and I had to take many .. but this one, about belief systems and such makes me more nervous.. good figure.....

We did it and don't really have any opinion on it. We had a giggle afterwards about the crazy questions. I felt Pre-Cana was much more useful. I believe they look at your 'weak' areas and discuss them with you. We got an average percentage of 99%

Our 'weak' area is that we don't openly talking about sex and we're not very demonstrative with our feelings. Come on, we're Irish! Our Deacon totally understood

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Posted by 69

Thanks.

Did they ask any questions about birth control? Pre-Marital sex?

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They did ask questions about sex and Birth control. We even had to answer some additional questions because we live together.

I thought it was a good idea to do this. The main goal was not to have people agree on everything, but to make the people aware about how the other person feels about certain things. While most people in healthy relationships have discussed these issues, some people feel that all you need is love and everything else will fall into place.

With all the divorces in Hollywood, maybe they should have to take this test before they get their marriage license.

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Posted by IrishBride-05

We did it and don't really have any opinion on it. We had a giggle afterwards about the crazy questions. I felt Pre-Cana was much more useful. I believe they look at your 'weak' areas and discuss them with you. We got an average percentage of 99%

Our 'weak' area is that we don't openly talking about sex and we're not very demonstrative with our feelings. Come on, we're Irish! Our Deacon totally understood

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Did foccus last week, precana starts this week. Glad to here it was more useful. I guess if you look at it in a way that some people do have these issues, then it would be helpful for people who do not communicate. But come on...how many people are fearful that their future spouse is homosexual?? And if they did, why would they still want to get married? I do not know. Some questions were just a little bizarre to me. JMHO

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Posted by 69

Yes bank accounts.. that's all been discussed... I am more worried that it will tailored towards extreme conservative Catholic beliefs and not in tune with today's society....I might answer wrong in the church's eyes on those matters....

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The Catholic church is not running a popularity contest. Moral relativism is not something that the RC church has ever practiced.

You should answer the questions honestly.

well yes, I agree.
I am not of the personality type not to verbalize how I feel.
However, I don't think it would be a good time to get into a debate about how I feel about family planning, premarital sex, and living together!