for all the '24' fans out there..
i thought this was so funny..
JACK BAUER FACTS:
If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
'The valley of the shadow of death', refers to anywhere within a 25 mile radius of Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War, once wrote, 'If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f-cking dead.'
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Guns don't kill people. Jack Bauer kills people.
Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.
The Black Eyed Peas were just 'The Peas' until Jack Bauer heard their music.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
Die Hard is the funniest movie Jack Bauer's ever seen.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says it's beef. Then it's f-cking beef.
A day without torture is like a day without sunshine to Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer has a great tan.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with '< Jack Bauer'.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better f-cking do it.
The only difference between Jack Bauer and the electric chair is that Jack Bauer makes you talk first.
When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, 'You're in good hands with Jack Bauer'.
If Jack Bauer shot you while quail hunting, it wouldn't be an accident.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the f-ck have you done with your life?
Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer removed the 'Escape' button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
Jack Bauer doesn't play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.
If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.
Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
Jack has broken Tony's leg, knocked Curtis out, and shot George Mason with a tranquilizer dart. Temporary incapacitation is Jack Bauer's way of saying, 'let's be friends.'
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane ravaged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperms until they gave up the location of the egg.
Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
'Jack Bauer' is Arabic for 'I'm f-cked'.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Jack Bauer once arm-wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
Metallica lets Jack Bauer download all their songs off the internet for free.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer can touch MC Hammer.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.![]()
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JACK BAUER FACTS:
If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
'The valley of the shadow of death', refers to anywhere within a 25 mile radius of Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War, once wrote, 'If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f-cking dead.'
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Guns don't kill people. Jack Bauer kills people.
Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.
The Black Eyed Peas were just 'The Peas' until Jack Bauer heard their music.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
Die Hard is the funniest movie Jack Bauer's ever seen.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says it's beef. Then it's f-cking beef.
A day without torture is like a day without sunshine to Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer has a great tan.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with '< Jack Bauer'.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better f-cking do it.
The only difference between Jack Bauer and the electric chair is that Jack Bauer makes you talk first.
When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, 'You're in good hands with Jack Bauer'.
If Jack Bauer shot you while quail hunting, it wouldn't be an accident.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the f-ck have you done with your life?
Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer removed the 'Escape' button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
Jack Bauer doesn't play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.
If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.
Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
Jack has broken Tony's leg, knocked Curtis out, and shot George Mason with a tranquilizer dart. Temporary incapacitation is Jack Bauer's way of saying, 'let's be friends.'
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane ravaged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperms until they gave up the location of the egg.
Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
'Jack Bauer' is Arabic for 'I'm f-cked'.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Jack Bauer once arm-wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
Metallica lets Jack Bauer download all their songs off the internet for free.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer can touch MC Hammer.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
