for the ladies who are married...Update...thanks for the advice.

how has it been so far... honestly? is it all peachy-keen or not? HONESTLY Ive been married for about 3 months now and its has not been smooth sailing, dont get me wrong there are good times but it's not easy...

Its like we have no tolerance, no patience anymore... sparks could fly at the smallest thing. And when we fight it could literally last for the whole weekend. Its a combination of a lot of things:

First, im in my last year of college and I have a lot of work and when my husband comes home from work he wants the attention 100% and I cant do that, I have soo many things to do. We do eat dinner together every night but after that I usually go straight to the computer to do assignments, etc. he says he feels 'ignored'. what can I do..

then @ night im so tired and just not in the mood and he wants sex, I dont. He says I dont have any feelings for him anymore which is so not true, he called me 'cold'.

he wokes at HSBC during the week but to make some extra $$ he works saturday as a taxi driver and his shift if from 4am to 4pm... every weekend I stay in the apt. by myslef while he works and it sux... of course when he comes home he wants to sleep and I want to get out of the cage i've been in all day. Almost every saturday we fight and I told him if working saturdays is going to make him that cranky its not worth the $$!!!!

anyway... I just feel like we are NOT in sync, in the groove of things and we are supposed to be our 'happiest' now.

I cant even sleep...

It will eventually become more in-sync. what u are going through is normal. It sounds like you didn't move in together until after the wedding, right?
I moved in a little over a year before the wedding with my husband and it was very rocky. i was glad i had a chance to adjust living with him beforehand because of all the adjustments we needed to make. if we had gotten married and experienced what that first few months were like i would have been very nervous about our decision to get married.

are u working too and going to school?

I know how hard school can be - I was finishing up my masters when i moved in with him and within the first 6 months all i did was study for my social work license.

The hours he is working with the taxi you should try and get most of your school work done. even use saturday night when he is cranky for school work so you can have your week evenings more free to spend with him. pick some days that are your less stressful to have intimacy.

i schedule like crazy - everything. do assignments 2 weeks in-advance and always have the next one outlined.

to save some time: try peapod instead of food shopping. its worth the delivery fee and u end up saving money by not going into the store and purchasing impulse buys.

PS: he shouldn't expect to have quality time with you any more than he did before you were married. just because you live together doesn't mean the life around you changed. if you didn't have quality time 5 nights a week you can't be expected to now!

this semester is almost over and 1 more to do. it'll go fast. good luck!

I love being married..Overall its good..but yes we do have our moments and fights..they always say the first year is the hardest ( I think its because you realize all of the compromises you must make as a couple) hang in there

aww dont worry thats perfectly normal! DH and I have already been living together for bout 4 years so nothing really changed for us..i mean we get in our fights and everything but not like what you guys are going through because you are going through an adjustment period where you are both just trying to figure out how to balance time with each other and everything else u need to do, not to mention adjusting to living together...but dont worry it WILL get better!!

For us:
we lived together for about five months before and now we are 7 months married and honestly there are weekends and days we just don't want to be in each other's space. We dated for 7 years before getting married - so we were use to spending time at each others places but we always had a break. DH is very much into being alone and had been before we met so we realized what works for us is every so often we just kinda do our own thing one weekend. He will stay in bed usually and just sleep and watch tv and I usually go out and do something with friends and family. We don't really fight but I have to say we get stressed and vent to each other and sometimes take it out a bit on each other but never yelling - just more or less we do a cease fire of talking go into our corners and come back a hour later and then typically he appologizes and explains how he felt and how it wasn't me IoI

I think communication and timing is everything. I can't tell dh go put clothing away because it makes me feel like we are a slob when he just came home from work - i have to do it when he is active and not tired. He can't ask me to cook dinner when I do laundry for three hours and come home to find a ton of dishes - he knows to do the dishes and then maybe i will cook ioi. Maybe this will help out.

Now for you:
the whole sex thing - god its a killer! Dh and do have issues where we just are not in sync. It stinks but hey he has porn and i have (um) but typically we can find a way but it just doesn't happen all the time and I doubt it ever will for us. BUT as tired as you are - you have to make him feel special at least once in a while just like you would expect him to do the same. Take a night off even if you have an assignment - just relax have fun then wake up extra early to do what you gotta do for school. Just give him a b - no guy will turn that down! Its quick and effective for time crunches IoI But if you ignore him more then a week it can be trouble. Resentment and isolation can kill any relationship.

So put on some heels - sexy little outfit and have some fun and screw hehehe school for a night.

We lived together before we got married, so we knew what we were getting into We've run into a few issues, but overall I think we're doing well.

eta: You may want to sit down with your DH and talk about this... yes, you just got married, but I feel like the begining is the hardest part. Try to make time for DH and sex; your physical relationship is as important as the emotional connection. (Our rabbi told us this, and once I finished blushing, I realized she was right). Find fun things to do together on a joint day off. Have a date night.

Good luck!!

---

Posted by Dalia

We DIDNT live together before we got married...

---

Well then my advice is to give it time. You guys have a lot of things to become accustomed to. Its not like before where you all went back to your separate places and saw eachother when you had the time. Youre together all the time now and have to figure out exactly how to split your time so that you can fit your work in and your marriage. I understand you have a lot of studying but you have to really try and set aside some time to spend time with your hubby especially when he is feeling lonely. Even if you take a few minute breaks to come in and hug him. You both sound like you have a lot on your plate right now but things will fall into place. Try not to feel defeated. You both love eachother so just sit down and try and figure out how you can make this easier for the both of you until your busy schedule die down some.
As far as sex, you have to make time for it. If youre too tired at night, try to get it on when he gets home before dinner and before your work. My DH gets very tired at night so the best time for us is right when he gets home from work or else hes knocked out cold by the time bedtime comes around.

thank you ladies for the advice... I really appreciate it. Its just frustrating because I know that me and DH could do so much better with eachother cause when we are good we're really GOOD.

First you ladies realized we didnt live together before we were married (this is without me telling you) that was suprising to me lol .. is it that obvious But it is really true we are not used to it... he does things his way, I do things my way. So i guess its just a matter of time?? and getting used to it... I hope so.

Also, you ladies are right (bunny Bears) I do need to schedule my time better to have more free time to he doesnt feel ignored... I just cant get it out of my head that he called me 'cold'. AYY!

Lastly sex... we talked over the weekend on saturday and he said he just feels frustrated and 'doesnt want to beg for his wife'... I felt bad when he said this... He said he has no patience and is more snappy because hes frustrated.... I didnt know that sex is so far reaching... call me stupid or naiive but DH was my first and last and I never knew the 'power of sex'. I guess this has to change.

Anyway.. thank you ladies... I hope it does get better.

yeah i agree with the laides above me... DEF give it time!! its hard when you havent lived with DH before the wedding... i lived with DH for a year and a half before we got married & that def made it easier... but i can see how frustrating it would be and stressful on both of you to be getting used to being MARRIED and living together... i think that is one of the biggest reasons they say the first year of marriage is the hardest.

for us, the hardest part has been the fact that we have a house now, so we have had to do a lot of compromising regarding decorating, what to spend $$ on for the house etc... we havent been fighting any more than we did before we got married... in fact, i think we have only had one 'real' fight since getting married

anyways - like everyone else said... hang in there! its hard to get used to thinking of someone other than youself every single day, but try to show DH attention as much as you can.... if its not sex, then a small gesture does go a long way!!

---

Posted by Dalia

We DIDNT live together before we got married...

---

i think you just may be adjusting that's all....

my FH and i have lived together for years but still, even once in awhile if things change - like for instance in the beginning of wedding planning my FH worked almost every weekend at a 2nd job so we could have extra money for the wedding - and it did take a toll, id miss him, he'd come home exhausted, plus he was working OT during the week at his regular job - so our schedule was different and it was hard until we got used to it and figured out a way to make it work.....then he stopped working so much OT and on the weekends and things went back to normal - but you have to expect that there will always be something, so you have to get used to it and figure out a way to make things work the two of you.....you just have to roll with the punches....maybe you can get out more on the weekends while he is working and maybe once or twice a week you should really try to get in the mood and have sex - even if you dont want to, force yourself, once you are doing it you might get yourself more into the mood again.....