For those who have lost a parent- Sorry its really long!

My mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in July. At first everyone was really optimistic but slowly more and more tests were showing more and more bad news. Each time a test came back, I felt like I was hit by a train. Then 3 weeks ago she went into the hospital. She was dehydrated and weak. Well it just went downhill from then. She died on Thursday. We all knew it was going to happen that day before we left the hospital, and the nurse said it was 10 minutes after we went home.

I am okay with her death from teh standpoint that I saw how it affected her. Her last week on earth she was in so much pain (well she whould have been if not for liquid morphine) and due to cancer on the brain was non verbal and just plain out of it. And I know for a fact she didnt want to live if the quality of life wasnt going to be there.

Currently I dont feel like it has hit me that I have lost my best friend. I am the only girl and the youngest by 9 years. Right now I all I think about besides that I miss her is making sure my dad is okay (they were together for 40 years)

So my question to those who have lost a parent is when does it hit you? I was talking to my brother and said I thought it was going to be in little doses here and there especially throughout the first year. But right now I feel so confused about how this all happened and why that I dont think I even realize that she is never going to walk through the door again!

Thanks!

I haven't lost a parent yet, but it sounds like it is hitting you in a way, but not the way you would expect it to....

I am so sorry for your loss and your family will be in my prayers

I lost my Mom 10 years ago to cancer and my dad 3 years ago to a stroke. It hits in doses. I miss her so much. As the time goes by it affects you differently. Like on my wedding day- it ached me that neither one was there, in the bridal store when all the girls were there with there moms and I was with my sister or a friend. One time I made the mistake of going alone- boy what a mistake- I cried when I got in my car. It will never go away- I am sure when I have a baby I am going to feel it like it was yesterday. It will get easier , but it wil never be thesame. I used to think my mom was going to walk in the door and ask me where on earth have I been or my dad for that matter. I am so sorry you are going thru this. Feel free to FM mail me.

I lost my dad (my only parent & best friend) 4 years ago to a sudden stroke...he died the next day! Since it was sudden it hit me hard IMMEDIATELY.

I think you may be shock right now and as life starts getting back to normal you may start to feel the loss a little more. Also as time goes on without her you it may begin to feel more real!

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care of yourself

My dad died when I was 15. It was VERY unexpected (he was only 38 at the time). My mom and I were both home with him when he died (he had a massive heart attack). The ambulance took him to the hospital where he were told that he didn't make it. It hit me like a ton of bricks right then and there.

Honestly, I cried myself to sleep every night for that first year because I replayed the night he died in my head over and over again.

Perhaps because of my age and the circumstances (his sudden passing) that is why I was affected right away.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is always difficult to lose a parent, no matter how old you are or whether they have been ill for a long period of time. You are never truly prepared for it.

I thank God for the fact that my mom was able to share all my wedding festivities with me as she was not even diagnosed until 3 weeks later, and I am thankful that we had a week, knowing she was slipping away to say what we had to say to her, and although she wasnt verbal and awake for alot of it, I knwo she heard and understood us.

I guess I just thought I would be hysterical and crying all the time. Dont get me wrong, I feel like I am currently a walking time bomb, I never know what is going to hit me and make me burst into tears.

Yesterday as we were going to the cemetary, I had to hold myself together because my 3 year old neice was in the limo with us and her dad was trying to get her to say that grandpa was old as dirt but instead when I asked how old grandpa was she said 65 and then here mom said how old is daddy and she said 'old as dirt'. My mom would have been hysterical she just loved my niece and nephew soo much! It took alot for me not to cry at that moment.

I guess it is hitting me but as shana said not how I anticipated. I know my life will never be the same.

Thanks for sharing all your experiences.

I recently lost my FIL, in August and my husbands grandmotehr who we lived with on New Years eve last year. It is tough but you do go on. I was really close with my FIL loved the man as if he was my own. The running joke was I was the prodical daughter. Which burned my SIL very much. I used to take care of hubbys grandmother and she spoke no english only Italian, whcih I do not understand, But we communicated. I love them both very dearly. I dream about them. as well as my grandparents.

As you know there are many stages of accepting death. You are going through a normal phase. Dont worry. Keep your head up.

I lost my father 2 weeks before my wedding to lung cancer with a bone mets. His progression sounds similiar to your mother's, unfortunately. It is a horrible thing for anyone to ever go through but I'm glad he's in peace now. It hit me hard while he was sick, every time I came or went from the hospital. It was hard right after and during all the holidays. Sometimes I have a day that isn't so good too...a song or picture or anything can bring it all back. It is so hard being there for my mother sometimes too. I hate to see her miss him and be lonely. I do all I can but it will never be enough.

I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in May 2003. He spent his final days at home with me and my younger sister taking care of him. My parents were separated.

Your brother is right, it will hit you in little doses as you get back into your daily routine.

For me, it hit, when I was cleaning out his closet and came across a subway series t-shirt I had given him the father's day before. I remembered him opening the box and then his face lighting up when I told him that I got tickets for everyone for one of the games. I don't know how, but think I knew that it was going his last father's day.

The best you can do is just, deal with it as it comes up, the best you can and get on with your life. Know that they are still here with us thru our daily triumphs and struggles.

Please FM me if you decide you want to talk about this some more or even if it is just to vent.

Wow, my heart is breaking for you

I have not lost a parent but can not even fathom the thought of it, let alone it being my mom. Losing a parent is very difficult - I lost both my grandparents on the same day - I was devastated. Cried and Cried.
Just take it a day at a time - its all you can do - and please feel free to post or FM anytime - we are all here for you.

Kelly, I am so sorry to hear this!!! I lost my mom almost 6 years ago to lung cancer as well. It is so difficult!!! I completely understand what you are saying about 'not hitting you yet.' I was in shock awhile after my mom's death and she was terminal.

In dealing with death, you experience a wide range of emotions, which come and go at various times. I was EXTREMELY angry for a very long time (I still get angry sometimes) at how such a wonderful woman was taken from her husband at family. Different emotions hit people differently and it is all normal. I found it very helpful and comforting in keeping my mom's memories alive by sharing stories about her with other's (I still do this). Even to this day, tears well up in my eyes when asked about my mom.

Please feel free to FM me, if you have any questions or need support, ANYTIME!!!

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

I lost my mom when I was 13, 13 is young. I got into some trouble in school the following year, so looking back now, that was my way of dealing with it. However, it really hit me as I got older. Especially with the whole wedding process, I find myself to be resentful of people who have their mother's around at such a important time of your life. I also resent that I had/have many mother-like figures around and no one really stepped up to the plate. My mother's death made me who I am today. It's been 10 years and I still think about her at least once a day. The most important events in my life are here or approaching, it is very hard. It also made it harder because we spoke opening about her passing before we did and there were MANY sessions where all she would talk about is not being there when I get married, and this was when I was 13.

It is hitting you, but you may not actually realize it until time passes and you can reflect. All people grieve in different ways. It is perfectly normal to feel like she is coming back through the door again, her death is still so new. You are in my thoughts, and so is your mother

To be quite honest with you.... When my mom passed away on August 31, 1991 I was 15 going on 16. I never showed any emotions at her wake,and at her burial. Fast forward to November 9, 2004(13 years later). Its starting to hit me now as my wedding gets closer. It didn't bother me that she wasn't at my graduation or when my son Connor James was born. But like I said my wedding is getting closer,and its ripping me up inside knowing that she won't be there. That I won't be able to dance with her on that special day(I'll be dancing with my only sister). My advice to you is have a great support group, always tell somebody how your feeling, even your fh. He's there for you. Don't be afraid to talk about the good and bad times you had with her. Remember she might be physically gone from this planet but she will always be with you, especially in your heart. If you need to talk you can fm. I've been through this, and I will help you anyway I can.
Brian

I lost my dad to lung cancer. I was 16 and it was 14 years ago. First I was on denial... I was very young and it was very difficult for me to talk about that. It has hit me in the important moments in my life when I realize that he is not here. On my graduation day, my wedding, when I watch my nephew and I think that my dad would have been so happy being a grandparent.

She is going to be always here with you... You and your mom are in my prayers

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Posted by Kelly9904
I guess I just thought I would be hysterical and crying all the time. Dont get me wrong, I feel like I am currently a walking time bomb, I never know what is going to hit me and make me burst into tears.

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Kelly, it is still very soon after her passing. You are probably in shock. People react in different ways.

Don't worry about not crying. There will be a time when it will happen (probably when you least expect it).

Mourning a loved one is a difficult process, and I know I went through various stages of sadness, depression, anger, and slowly, acceptance.

FM if you need to talk.

Thannks everyone for sharing your experiences! I am sure it must be hard!

I have found that my moms death hits me more at night as I go to bed or in the AM before DH gets up! I know life will never be the same and I know the next year especially will be really difficult, but I am just trying to remember how amazing a person she was and how much she touched so many lives!

Even as her daughter I was shocked at how many people showed up to pay their respects to her for 3 days straight! Everyone kept commenting on how packed the funeral home was. I believe it shows what a great person she was and proves that she will live on for quiet some time , in all our memories!!!!

Thanks again!

I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother - I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through...my heart goes out to you and your family right now..