Brides Helping Brides ™ - For those who lost grandparents

MikesBride2B Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:30 AM

For those who lost grandparents

Does it ever get any easier to deal with it? I know he died less than a month ago which is still pretty soon...but it feels sooo raw. Yesterday when I was going over the guestlist his name/address was there and I wanted to cry (I was at work, which is the only thing that stopped me). My mom told me to just delete it so that I wouldn't have to go through it every time...it ****** really badly.

Can you tell me your experience? I know I'll probably never get over it, but it'd be nice to know there will be a time when I'm not going to be set off into tears by looking at an address or pictures.

Clover23 Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:35 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

just want to give you

Mike's grandfather practically raised him, and he passed away in 2002. Not gonna lie, Mike was a mess for many months. It gradually got better, and now he's fine about it. It took a long time, but everyone is different.

The grandparents i was close with died when I was young (like 8-10). I wasn't close with my grandparents that died recently, so I can't really give personal perspective.

mzmahagony Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:35 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

I was raised by my grandparents and although it's getting eaiser to deal with I must admite that I still cry when I remember things that we used to do. My grandmother got a stroke and 4 the last to years of her life the only thing she could say was my name and that broke my heart. She died went into the hospital on my birthday june 26th and died on 4th of july. I am getting married during 4th of july weekend so I know it's going to be hard for me. It's been like 6yrs now.

AngnShaun Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:37 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

it does, definitely not in a month but time does heal all wounds... i promise..... i lived next door to my gma my entire life and we even lived in the same house from March 1999 when my aunt died until April 2001 when my gma passed away.. My dads side of the family is small and to lose the only 2 people we were close with made it more difficult

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:38 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

It takes time but it definitely does. I lived in the same house with my grandmother for my entire life and we were very close. At first it was very difficult and painful, but with time it has gotten much easier. Of course I always think of her still

halfbaked Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:38 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

It does. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know it's hard. I was VERY close to my grandfather who passed. I still grieve for him when I think of him though.

kerber981 Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:39 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

Two of my grandparents passed away before I was born and the other two passed when I was too young to remember them. So, I basically grew up without grandparents. So I just wanted to say that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. When you are hurting the most, try to just remember the good times and be thankful that you had them.

AngnShaun Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:39 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

Posted by mzmahagony

I was raised by my grandparents and although it's getting eaiser to deal with I must admite that I still cry when I remember things that we used to do. My grandmother got a stroke and 4 the last to years of her life the only thing she could say was my name and that broke my heart. She died went into the hospital on my birthday june 26th and died on 4th of july. I am getting married during 4th of july weekend so I know it's going to be hard for me. It's been like 6yrs now.

Same with my gma... she had several mini strokes and would yell down the stairs to me and call my my aunts name... it was heart breaking

FutureCap Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:40 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

my grandfather died in 2000 and we had been very close the 3 or so year before when they moved around the corner. I was there all the time... he and grandma even lived with us for a while when he was really sick. It was terrible when he died (even worse having the vision of seeing him take his last breathe in the hospital, an image i will never be able to erase). It took a while. But now, I think about him often, but I know he is in a better place and that it was going to happen, he was sick and he was getting older. I hate the fact that he won't see me get married, neither will my other GF, my dad's sister who died much to young and my great aunt that died last year.... that one is probably the hardest for me cause she is the one person that has past that I was closest to and never though aunt camille would not see me get married.... but i have her picture in the living room and somehow know she is right there with me seeing all this happen.
hth....

christine2010 Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:42 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

i have lost all of my grandparents during my lifetime.
my moms dad passed away when i was 3.
my moms mother passed away when i was 17.
my dads father passed away when i was 19.
my dads mom passed away when i was 22.

i am almost 26 years old & its still just as hard as the day it happened. in every case i was happy that they passed because they where all sick & suffering. but its horrible knowing that none of them will be at the wedding.

i have to say that the hardest is FHs dad not being there. he passed away in 2007, after i knew him for 7 years. every time i look at the list i wonder why he isn't there. i think his passing is that hardest to deal with because he was only 61 when he died. he never got to see FH graduate from college & he obviously will miss every other milestone in our lives together.

regy_k Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:44 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

it does get less painful, I mean you stop breaking into tears every time someone mentions the name and looking at their pictures makes u smile. But u never really get over it - losing someone is always going to stay with u and will always hurt.

I still cry sometimes over my grandma when thinking about all the things she is missing in our lives and she passed away 16 yrs ago.

u just need to give it time, and not worry about being sappy and getting over the pain. Pain is part of it, I mean this was someone u loved very deeply and meant so much, so I think we all supposed to mourn and give it time to heal.

I remember one thing that happened to me about 3-4 months after my gramma passed away: I was playing with my friend in the courtyard, we were laughing and jumping, and a neighbour came up to me and said 'aren't u ashamed to be so happy when ur gramma just passed away????'
let me tell u, I was hysterical for hrs.
so just one word would set me off, but plz remember to also smile, Im sure last thing ur grampa would;ve wanted was for u and ur family to be so sad.
what helped me and my family was always remembering the funny and quite awesome things my gramma did before she got sick.

stinenandy2010 Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:45 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

I was just reading Ted Kennedy's book, and his mother had a quote in their about death and it was something to the effect 'people say time heals all wounds, but their wrong, time just makes it bearable'

And its true....nothing will ever make it better, you just have memories and photos to hold on to. As time passes, it will get better, but there will always be moments that you may want to cry or be sad. I really like to always think that I will see past loved ones again.

mariedsgn Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:47 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

It is so hard, my grandma passes away almost 3 years ago, and I think about her everyday. With the wedding coming up I have been thinking of her more and more, I wish for anything that she could be there - I know she will be there with me, but I wish that I could physically see here there.

As time passes I don't think it gets easier, I just think you learn to accept it a little more. But with holidays, birthdays, weddings can bring your emotions full force.

Future Mrs H Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:48 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

I have lost all of my grandparents and its always hard when it come to special occasions. The hardest is my dads mom who was the matriach of the family. She died back in 1991 and I still miss her. I was named after her and I was super close to her. What helps me is knowing that she will still be there with me in spirit and in my heart. Ilana- it will get better over time but remember he will always be there in your heart.

GiannisWifey Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:52 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

Both of my grandfathers passed away; one before I was born and the other when I was 7. I truly think about him every single day and there isn't a time when I make a decision and think, 'what would grandpa tell me to do?' Eventhough I was so young, I remember almost every single thing we did together. He raised me while my parents (and my grandma) were at work. Some of the things he taught me I will always look back and smile; adding, subtracting, playing solitaire.....hes the reason I am about Math!!!!!

I don't think it gets easier, as I just think as time passes, you learn to deal and cope with it in a different way. Shedding a tear isn't a bad thing, as I feel for those few minutes I somehow feel closer to him.

Just know that your grandfather is always with you and will definetly be looking down on your with such pride and joy on your wedding.

KatieG2010 Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:53 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

My grandmother and aunt (mother/daughter) died of cancer 6 months apart. Then my other grandmother died a year after. It gets easier but when planning the wedding I still can't believe they won't be there to see it

drivwal Posted: Jan 15, 2010 09:53 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

two of my grandparents have passed away, one from each side. it gets better over time. i still think about them and once in a while i get a little more sad than other times but it will pass.

GR2010 Posted: Jan 15, 2010 10:03 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

It takes time. My grandfather passed away in November and I still get choked up thinking about him. I went to the cemetary on Christmas Eve with my sister and I cried then too... wirting this my eyes are stinging... this is going to sound nuts but talk to him... some times it makes me feel better, sometimes I still cry like a baby. I just never thought he wouldn't be at my wedding. It does su ck. And I don't know if it ever gets better, or if people just get better at dealing with it.

jackieee Posted: Jan 15, 2010 10:03 AM

Re: For those who lost grandparents

I lived with my grandfather growing up (he lived upstairs), and when he died it was sooo hard. I can't believe it was 4 years ago :(

Sometimes I still have dreams of him and it makes me sooo sad when I wake up. I miss him so much. It does get easier. A month is still so raw, and especially with planning your wedding :(

Time really does help. you'll always miss him, but as time goes on you wont break down as much about it. I still have moments where I miss him sooo much and cry. But it does get easier.