Brides Helping Brides ™ - For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

RisiLeigh Posted: May 14, 2008 01:22 PM

For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

My parents are paying for teh entire wedding with the exception of the RD - FH's parents are paying for that. Do we get my parents a much more expensive/meaningful gift than we get FH's parents? I am not sure what we should do... any thoughts?

Kimbalina Posted: May 14, 2008 01:30 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Wow lucky you!! Great position to be in that they are taking care of everything for you.

I think the gift should be whatever you think they would like.

Toucan311 Posted: May 14, 2008 01:30 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

I'd say give them the same thing at the RD, and if you want to give your parents something special, then maybe give it to them alone when everyone else isnt there.

Dee0522 Posted: May 14, 2008 01:38 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

My parents paid for almost everything (DH & I bought our own wedding bands and paid for the HM, and a few other smaller things) so we got them a new flat screen TV as a thank you. For his parents, we got tickets for the 4 of us to go see Jersey Boys in the city, and go out to dinner. They paid for our RD and favors, which was fabulous, but it doesn't compare to what my parents shelled out. So we wanted to get them something AWESOME!

And obviously since it was a TV, we gave it to them privately at home. We also gave his parents their gift in private. BP gifts were given at the RD.

jaep129 Posted: May 14, 2008 01:50 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

I am in the same boat. My mom (dad passed away) is paying for the RH and FH grandparents (parents are divorced and have no $) are paying for the RD. I am already planning on getting my mom a bigger gift. We talked about paying for her to go away for a weekend and take her new boyfriend or a friend with her. For his grandparents we were going to take them out to dinner after the wedding is over and we are not getting his parents parent gifts b/c they don't deserve them. JMO get your parents a bigger or nicer one b/c they are helping the most.

cbcf Posted: May 14, 2008 01:57 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

i agree with heather....give them something each at the RD and then if you want to get them something over the top because they are paying for more give it to them in private. And I am not sure about gifts....i guess whatever you feel they would like

I have to get FH's grandma something besides our parents because his grandma gave us money towards our honeymoon and rings so she was wonderful and I cant really put her name on the invites so in private I am giving her something since my grandmas didnt contribute i dont want them to feel left out if they see i gave something to hios grandma and not mine.

kristi313 Posted: May 14, 2008 02:25 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

ok i'm probably gonna get slaughtered for this one BUT.... (Remember this is just my opinion) My parents have offered to pay for 1/2 our wedding. I'm very very thankful for their genorousity (sp?), but i don't not feel it's completely necessary to go out and buy them some expensive gift. If we had the extra money in the first place, we wouldn't need their help paying for the wedding at all. Will we get them something, yes of course. But I really don't see any reason why we would be expected or required of us.

that's just my opinion

LauraD419 Posted: May 14, 2008 04:20 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

My parents paid for 95% of the wedding. DH's parents paid for RD.

DH's parents got handkerchief's that were embroidered. My mom got a precious moment and my dad got a desk clock. We also paid for my parents airline tickets to italy in june.

(wanted to add that my brother split the airline tickets since they paid for part of his wedding in August)

jessnstu08 Posted: May 14, 2008 04:28 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

think it really depends on the relationship you have with FIL's . what does FH think about it ?

if you want to do something a little extra to your parents i think it is a nice thing to do , and in your situation I would

I was in a similar dilemma,

My dad is paying for everything except my shower , dress , honeymoon , limo's and favors
my mom is paying for my shower and dress
we are paying for our honeymoon, limo and favors

FH fam- 0

I would like to give FMIL nothing because that what she deserves. its not about the money , its about her lack of emotional support or even interest . FH said no way he won't give her nothing when everyone else is opening gifts, SO we are getting both mothers picture frames with our engraved wedding date .

DAD is getting something more then the frame( he is getting one too) since he has been super generous and if not for him I would not have this wedding of my dreams !

I

MrsD71208 Posted: May 14, 2008 05:51 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Wow, they're paying for it ALL? You are so lucky. I'd book them a vacation for a week somewhere they've always wanted to go, but haven't had the chance to go to. I'd defintely book my parents a trip to Italy for a week, with airfare. They are saving you TONS!!! I think they'd really appreciate that.

TrueLoveIn2008 Posted: May 14, 2008 06:06 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Posted by MrsDtoBe

Wow, they're paying for it ALL? You are so lucky. I'd book them a vacation for a week somewhere they've always wanted to go, but haven't had the chance to go to. I'd defintely book my parents a trip to Italy for a week, with airfare. They are saving you TONS!!! I think they'd really appreciate that.

I think this is a great idea, but as Kristi said - if those of us getting help with our weddings could afford to give someone a trip with airfare, we may not need the help with the wedding. It's not about what they are saving you, but about what the gift of your wedding means to you. So - I do not necessarily think you need to spend thousands of dollars - let's face it, who has it? - but two nights' hotel accomodations somewhere, or a gift certificate to a marriott / nicer chain hotel might be appropriate, or something in that range ...

My parents are graciously paying for everything except the band, centerpieces and RD. Band and RH are being covered by FILs and centerpieces I am tackling (DIY). I plan on getting my parents a gift card to Danford's on the Sound - for dinner and one night's stay - and maybe something else very meaningful. I am at a loss for FILs still :) This is what I can afford and I know my parents and FILs wil appreciate anything we give them because they will know in their hearts how thankful we are for their gifts. That's what it comes down to for me

angl2001 Posted: May 14, 2008 06:20 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Posted by kristi313

ok i'm probably gonna get slaughtered for this one BUT.... (Remember this is just my opinion) My parents have offered to pay for 1/2 our wedding. I'm very very thankful for their genorousity (sp?), but i don't not feel it's completely necessary to go out and buy them some expensive gift. If we had the extra money in the first place, we wouldn't need their help paying for the wedding at all. Will we get them something, yes of course. But I really don't see any reason why we would be expected or required of us.

that's just my opinion

i totally agree with you....when i mentioned parents gifts to my dad he was like ' WHAT???' i nev er heard of such a thing lol

lyss0908 Posted: May 14, 2008 06:25 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Posted by angl2001

Posted by kristi313

ok i'm probably gonna get slaughtered for this one BUT.... (Remember this is just my opinion) My parents have offered to pay for 1/2 our wedding. I'm very very thankful for their genorousity (sp?), but i don't not feel it's completely necessary to go out and buy them some expensive gift. If we had the extra money in the first place, we wouldn't need their help paying for the wedding at all. Will we get them something, yes of course. But I really don't see any reason why we would be expected or required of us.

that's just my opinion

i totally agree with you....when i mentioned parents gifts to my dad he was like ' WHAT???' i nev er heard of such a thing lol

I agree. My parents are paying for the majority of the wedding- we are covering wedding bands, HM, photo/video. FH parents gave a very modest amount of money which I have posted about before but if we had the money, I would have paid for the wedding myself so I didn't have to hear my mom b*tch about how she doesn't know how they are paying for this. So not worh it and had I known, I would have gone to VEGAS!

MrsD71208 Posted: May 14, 2008 06:36 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

I guess it's different for all of us based on each of our situations at hand. I know that since FH and I are paying for every single thing, plus renovating a house right now and paying a mortgage, that IF we had someone pay for even 1/2 of our wedding stuff (big or small) we'd be so happy and be able to thank them with a trip. Heck, if the wedding costs were as low as a trip I would've had a few weddings with FH to have more than one party! lol

RisiLeigh Posted: May 14, 2008 10:22 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Ok I guess I shouldn't have said they're paying for the WHOLE thing - but most of it! They're paying for the hall, the limos, flowers, pics/video, DJ, and a few other things. We are paying for our HM, wedding bands, favors and invitations, and of course BP gifts. FH's parents are ONLY paying for the RD.

You girls have definitely been helpful though! I was thinking about doing a gift certificate to Danfords or someplace similar for them. For FILs I am still clueless! And with the crap they are putting us thru w/ the house, who wants to give them a thing?!

Jonas9281 Posted: May 14, 2008 10:54 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

you are the luckiest person in the world....jealous!

bigrd37 Posted: May 14, 2008 11:01 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

i am in a similar situation. my mom (dad passed away) is paying for the majority of the wedding. FILs are paying for the photo/video b/c we aren't having a RD. At this point we got both parents digital picture frames. my mom has wanted one for awhile and FILs don't have one, so it just fits. FH and i also plan on taking our parents out to dinner after the wedding, but separately.

if both of my parents were around i would want to send my parents away for a weekend or to a show in the city. since it's just my mom, i'm thinking of a gift certificate for a spa, so she can pamper herself. HTH!

twright5ny Posted: May 14, 2008 11:56 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

Posted by Jonas9281

you are the luckiest person in the world....jealous!

ditto...dang I am jealous of you ladies... but I could hear what my date twin is saying about hearing parents complain about money...that would drive me nuts

I def. say buy a nice meaningful gift...a weekend away, spa treatment, gift to a show, dinner....

hyphenbride Posted: May 15, 2008 02:04 AM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

I think you should get your parents something with meaning that they will use again. Maybe make them a photo album of wedding pictures once the photos come in (I'd say NOT the parents' album from the photographer--one of my mom's friends was very upset when she received that as a present...since she was the one who paid the photographer's bill, including the albums!). Include pictures of the shower, of you and mom doing wedding things together, etc.

MnM182008 Posted: May 16, 2008 02:06 PM

Re: For those who's parents are paying for the whole wedding except the RD...

I have to agree with some of the other girls. You should give both sets of parents a similar gift (in a similar price range) at the RD. Then I would give your parents something else in private. You don't want to be any hard feelings. Truthfully its tradition that the groom's parents would pay for the RH dinner while the brides parents generally front the bill for the rest of the wedding. Today many brides and grooms just pay for it on their own. So its really nice to give parents a gift something that really says thank you.