Brides Helping Brides ™ - 'Friend'

ourwedding9510 Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:12 PM

'Friend'

So I have this friend who I have none FOREVER! I now use the word friend losely but I'll explain why. I have a group of about 7 girlfriends plus me growing up. I also have A LOT of family that are women. So for my bridal party I put my 2 sisters, my sister in law, one girl cousin from each side (my moms side and my dads side), and 2 friends that I am the closest with. The other girls have also included in one way or another. This specific friend is handing out programs with another one of my girlfriends. I also gave the girls options of wearing black dresses to match the bridal party and I'm buying them a flower for their hair that will also show everyone at the wedding that they are just as important to me. I have done everything I possibly can think of to make sure they all know that they are important to me and I'm excited for them to be included.

ANYWAY, so this Saturday was my bridal shower. It was a BLAST and everyone who could be there was there. 2 of my friends couldn't be there because of important issues (ones DH's grandmother died in Boston so they went up to MA and the other one is in Binghamton and just found out she's prego and had to go get blood work done for different reasons). The specific friend I am talking about though in this post (one of the girls giving out the programs) didn't come to the shower because she decided it was more important to go to Belmont Stakes. She goes EVERY year. She doesn't go to bet, she goes to drink in the picnic area. She told everyone she was going to Belmont and not coming to the shower and apparently sees nothing wrong with it. My 2 friends that had important issues to tend to both text and called me after the shower to see how it went. The one who went to Belmont, never even called/text/anything to me. I don't think of her as a friend anymore. If you are a friend you go to your friends shower instead of get drunk at Belmont. Losing her as a friend isn't the issue because apparently she's not one.

Now the thing is, etiquette gets thrown out the window (since she was invited to the shower, she is supposed to be invited to the wedding) because etiquette would have been to come to the shower. I think I'm more upset then mad but I know I am mad. My feelings were REALLY hurt, especially after I'm trying to include her in everything. Am I overreacting?

My poll question is, would you invite her to the wedding or not? I don't think I want to but it's still fresh and I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Thanks girls! I realy need help on this one!

(Sorry this is so long!)

halfbaked Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:15 PM

Re: 'Friend'

If you're really ready to be done with her- then don't invite her to the wedding. Otherwise, you're probably just really angry and I'd invite her anyway.

Soon2BRomeo Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:17 PM

Re: 'Friend'

At that point I honestly would waste my time and effort on her if she isn't going to get invovled in anything. I would be really pissed if one of my friends thought it was more important to get drunk at an event that happens every yr then coming to my bridal shower which only happens once.

allornil Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:20 PM

Re: 'Friend'

wow, who does that? honestly its rude of her not to come to a once in a lifetime event for you. don't invite her. write her off.

ourwedding9510 Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:25 PM

Re: 'Friend'

Yeah I'm pretty much done with her. I just don't care. I can't care about someone who doesn't care about me. It takes too much energy!

lela7378 Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:25 PM

Re: 'Friend'

invite her but DON'T make her a part of your wedding - handing out the programs, etc

AwaitingAugust Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:26 PM

Re: 'Friend'

i'd wing it ... give yourself a few days to cool off and see how you feel before sending out the invitations (you could always send hers after the others)

don't invite her if you don't want to.

one other thing to consider is whether not inviting her would affect your friendhsip with the other girls. would they take her side or yours? would they invite her to go hang out, and leave you out fo the plans?

ps: i didn't vote ... but i hope this helps anyhow

christine2010 Posted: Jun 07, 2010 01:45 PM

Re: 'Friend'

I said to not invite her to the wedding.

I have/had a 'friend' & the story is some what similar. I wish after what she pulled at the shower I would have forgotten to invite her to the wedding.
For the shower she never RSVP'd & my sister had to track her down. Her answer, 'Of course I will be there & let your mom know I will arrive early to help her.' She arrived to the shower just in a nick of time. My mom was ready to ask her to leave because she showed up to the place literally seconds before I walked in. Then she had to leave before dinner was even served because she lives in NJ. Meanwhile I have other family & friends who live in NJ & stayed until the end. She made a big stink about opening her shower gift & it was a bag of crap. It had two kitchen dish towels, a pack of mini photo albums & those yellow scrubing gloves. Her excuss, 'I thought there was a wishing well.' (my sister told her no wishing well) Then she said, she would send us a registry gift. Never received one.
I let it slide & said, well thats how she is.
For the wedding:
She was suppose to do a reading at Church & didn't make it on time. (she is listed in the program & its on the video of the priest calling her to the alter & nothing happening.) I was mortified. To top it off she didn't even stay to see the ceremony from the time she arrived.

She was sending me apologizing texts & leaving me voicemails while we where taking our pictures. One of the messages says, 'I really do not now why you are ignoring me.' HELLO, its my wedding day & I am taking pictures.
Then when we arrived at the hall she was waiting outside, wanting to talk about it. I just brushed her off because I didn't want anything to ruin our day.
Then we come to find out that she left the reception early because she had to go back to NJ & she no-gifted us.

Its really not about the ****** or lack of gifts but she could have given a nice card & made it on time to the Church. I have not heard from her since that night.
We are not sending her a thank you card.

ourwedding9510 Posted: Jun 07, 2010 03:20 PM

Re: 'Friend'

There is another girl in the group that I don't talk to anymore. I didn't really talk to her for a couple of years and we started talking again. But it's really only when she needs something from (like a ride) and when I would say my car is full she would yell at me. PLUS she said a bunch of stuff about the wedding and FH and then when I confronted her (I saw the emails she wrote) she TOTALLY lied to my face. So I'm not friends with her and I still get invited to things and I even still hang out with everyone, they just keep us separate. My friends wouldn't take sides, we don't work that way. It's between me and this girl and that's how they keep it. So it wouldn't ruin anything in the group, that I DEF know.

ourwedding9510 Posted: Jun 07, 2010 03:25 PM

Re: 'Friend'

Posted by christine2010

I said to not invite her to the wedding.

I have/had a 'friend' & the story is some what similar. I wish after what she pulled at the shower I would have forgotten to invite her to the wedding.
For the shower she never RSVP'd & my sister had to track her down. Her answer, 'Of course I will be there & let your mom know I will arrive early to help her.' She arrived to the shower just in a nick of time. My mom was ready to ask her to leave because she showed up to the place literally seconds before I walked in. Then she had to leave before dinner was even served because she lives in NJ. Meanwhile I have other family & friends who live in NJ & stayed until the end. She made a big stink about opening her shower gift & it was a bag of crap. It had two kitchen dish towels, a pack of mini photo albums & those yellow scrubing gloves. Her excuss, 'I thought there was a wishing well.' (my sister told her no wishing well) Then she said, she would send us a registry gift. Never received one.
I let it slide & said, well thats how she is.
For the wedding:
She was suppose to do a reading at Church & didn't make it on time. (she is listed in the program & its on the video of the priest calling her to the alter & nothing happening.) I was mortified. To top it off she didn't even stay to see the ceremony from the time she arrived.

She was sending me apologizing texts & leaving me voicemails while we where taking our pictures. One of the messages says, 'I really do not now why you are ignoring me.' HELLO, its my wedding day & I am taking pictures.
Then when we arrived at the hall she was waiting outside, wanting to talk about it. I just brushed her off because I didn't want anything to ruin our day.
Then we come to find out that she left the reception early because she had to go back to NJ & she no-gifted us.

Its really not about the ****** or lack of gifts but she could have given a nice card & made it on time to the Church. I have not heard from her since that night.
We are not sending her a thank you card.

UGH! That's all SO messed up! Yeah this girl didn't respond either. My mom had to track her down. She didn't respond to my mom so my friends had to get an answer from her.

I'm sorry you had to go through that but you know how so that's a plus!

AwaitingAugust Posted: Jun 07, 2010 04:05 PM

Re: 'Friend'

So i say if you really don't want her there and don't care to maintain that friendship, don't invite her. It's not worth the stress and aggravation just so you can say you have good etiquette.