Here's the thing. This is a friend I'm pretty close to. We hanged out and she was nice. When she got engaged, I was really happy for her and immediately got her a card and gift and promised i'd give her an even bigger gift at her wedding.
Well turns out my wedding happened before hers and she came to my wedding! The only thing is she didn't leave anything... card or gift...
When I got her the engagement gift I was truly happy for her and never thought I'd ask a favor back. But still I was disappointed when I found out she didn't get me anything for my wedding. Also she was not in bridal party but she stayed with us so I asked her if she'd like the hair and makeup artist to work on her after they are done with the bridal party and she said yes but she never mentioned about paying them so I paid her hair and makeup out of my own pocket.
I guess it's kinda awkward to talk to her about this. Problem is her wedding is in a couple of months and although I promised to get her a big gift for the wedding I'm feeling more and more reluctant now.. always thinking about how she completely forgot about my gift. And given hers is a destination wedding, I already spent over $1,000 to book flight and lodging... i know i shouldn't be thinking so much about money but my wedding had somehow made me care about these numbers.
Should I still get her a gift nonetheless? If I don't I feel bad because I promised and I just can't imagine going to a wedding without a gift but if I do it's like I feel it's not fair to me...
KerriJohnS
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Re: friend who did not give card
You owe her nothing.
Im sick of deadbeats!
AngnShaun
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Re: friend who did not give card
I agree with Kerri... you don't owe her anything... BUT you seem like the person who would feel worse for not giving a gift... i would definitely use the fact that you already spent a grand and not give her as much in the card...
LadyDuda81509
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by KerriJohnS
You owe her nothing.
Im sick of deadbeats!
Totally Agree!!
gonzalezm3
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Re: friend who did not give card
i would get her a gift but prob not as expensive as it would have been
christine2010
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i think that you should call her up & say that after depositing some of the wedding gifts, some of your family called saying there checks never cleared. say it turned out that some envelopes where missing & you are calling to find out if hers was one of them.
i only say you should do that because it happened at my cousins wedding, my cousin left from my parents house so my mom was so busy that morning that she forgot my cousins card at home. not on purpose but by accident. then she didn't feel comfortable mailing it & having it sit in a mailbox until she got back from her honeymoon.
then at my friends wedding, one of her friends left the wedding card on the table. when she returned to the table the card wasn't there so she believed that someone picked it up & gave it to the bride or put it in the card box. turned out one of the waiters took the envelope but couldn't do anything with the check since it was made out to the bride & groom.
MarjorieFrank
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by KerriJohnS
You owe her nothing.
Im sick of deadbeats!
ITA.
las1
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Re: friend who did not give card
I would not go to the destination wedding
Summertimegal424
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Re: friend who did not give card
i would def not give her what you had planned. you are going to her destination wedding , going is just enough!
ELluvsMB
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I don't know if I would go to the desitnation wedding. It's a huge expense apart from her not giving you a gift. I would still give her something but much smaller then you were plannning.
We had a similar issue, a couple gave us something very inexpensive off our registry. They're wedding was a month after ours. When we went to theirs we gave them a check for 2x the value of the gift we were given. It just felt like the right thing to do but it's a hard situation.
regy_k
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Re: friend who did not give card
I say dont give her anything. What kind of person goes and doesnt give a present for a wedding? I could never! Plus you already paid for her hair and m/u I say that u gave her more than needed.
flyingbunny
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Re: friend who did not give card
thanks!! really appreciate it..
I did think of calling / reminding her but think the chance that she gave something and was lost was so little that it's much more likely to become an awkward situation.
I think i'll just go and get her a smaller gift than i planned for. that sounds like a good midground. We also had a mutual friend who was my bridesmaid and very close to me. I thought about talking to her about it... maybe that'll help too?
sophisticat13
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by flyingbunny
thanks!! really appreciate it..
I did think of calling / reminding her but think the chance that she gave something and was lost was so little that it's much more likely to become an awkward situation.
I think i'll just go and get her a smaller gift than i planned for. that sounds like a good midground. We also had a mutual friend who was my bridesmaid and very close to me. I thought about talking to her about it... maybe that'll help too?
I would definitely talk to her (your friend) about it...if it were me, I would not give a gift...I would be too hurt to, especially since you are going to a destination wedding and the gift is supposed to be your presence (no pun intended lol). But if you feel badly about not giving one, then get her something (really) small (I don't get ppl who don't give gifts at weddings...what are they thinking?? )
whtevjenny
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Re: friend who did not give card
i would give her zero.
alli3131
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Re: friend who did not give card
IMO I would give her a gift. It would not be a large gift because of the money you are spending on getting to the wedding. If I was in the situation I would still give a gift because I'm just not the type of person to be like ....well you didn't give so neither am I.
vnv126
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Re: friend who did not give card
You don't owe her a thing ! You did a lot for her already. She is having a destination wedding....You already booked flight & lodging so that's enough. You don't need to get her a gift.
shanny200
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Re: friend who did not give card
Don't get her a THING. What is wrong with people? UH. I am experiencing a similar issue with one of my 'friends ' and I'm furious about it. I spent a fortune on her engagement gift (she didn't send me a thank you), shower gift, her wedding gift, hotel, etc, and I KNOW she is not going to give us a wedding gift. My friend asked what she was giving us for our wedding and she told my friend that said she wasn't planning on getting us a gift...I can't even look at her...
She deserves NOTHING.
Tomlaur0808
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Re: friend who did not give card
LOL...I would find something I didnt like/use & re-gift it....
flairforfashion
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Ugh, I can totally relate.
One of my closest friends flaked out of my shower. Called my Mom and said she was coming so of course her place was paid for. Day of shower- she was a no show. She said she was sick. Fine.
Then day of wedding, same girl came to my wedding with her trashy boyfriend who wore SNEAKERS and puked on the table AND gave no card and no gift.
That's when I realized she tried to deliberately ruin my wedding by bringing her POS bf and on top of that not even bring a CARD.
She has a good job and has a place to live so I know she is not struggling or anything. I was so shocked and hurt at first because I was always so generous with her. And the gift thing didn't even bother me. It's the fact that she did not even bring me a card. What friend does that?
So I can say honestly, you owe your friend NOTHING. I can say strongly that I will never ever give this girl anything. In fact, I stopped talking to her because what she did was wrong.
