Here's the thing. This is a friend I'm pretty close to. We hanged out and she was nice. When she got engaged, I was really happy for her and immediately got her a card and gift and promised i'd give her an even bigger gift at her wedding.
Well turns out my wedding happened before hers and she came to my wedding! The only thing is she didn't leave anything... card or gift...
When I got her the engagement gift I was truly happy for her and never thought I'd ask a favor back. But still I was disappointed when I found out she didn't get me anything for my wedding. Also she was not in bridal party but she stayed with us so I asked her if she'd like the hair and makeup artist to work on her after they are done with the bridal party and she said yes but she never mentioned about paying them so I paid her hair and makeup out of my own pocket.
I guess it's kinda awkward to talk to her about this. Problem is her wedding is in a couple of months and although I promised to get her a big gift for the wedding I'm feeling more and more reluctant now.. always thinking about how she completely forgot about my gift. And given hers is a destination wedding, I already spent over $1,000 to book flight and lodging... i know i shouldn't be thinking so much about money but my wedding had somehow made me care about these numbers.
Should I still get her a gift nonetheless? If I don't I feel bad because I promised and I just can't imagine going to a wedding without a gift but if I do it's like I feel it's not fair to me...
flyingbunny
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Re: friend who did not give card
It really hurts to think of these now...
but she came to New York a couple of days before my wedding -- and you all knew this was the time to be really really busy with wedding prep. She asked me to pick her up from the airport because she 'doesn't know her way around'. i was wondering then why she can't just cab it like everyeone else. but fine, i understand if it's someone's first time in New York and scared of geting lost so FH and I went to the airport to pick her up.
Then her luggage turned out to be on a later flight... they said they could send it to her but she's worried because she has some precious stuff in it so okay FH and I literally waited with her at the airport for two hours! and this was days before the wedding when I worked nonstop all day on my wedding.
Now that I think about it, on our way back, she didn't even offer to pay for the cab from the airport until the driver refused to take my credit card that she happened to have cash. But i didn't have second thought about it back then.
And I never got a thank you card for the engagement gift! actually i never even heard a second word about it. I didn't get her a tiffany ring but it was well over $100...
I can understand if she's under financial stress and doesn't have money.. but not even a card? I'm just pissed now how she took everything for granted - like having the bride pick her up from the airport, have me pay her makeup & hair and not write any card...
all this time i'm scared if she did write me sth and it was somehow lost - although the chance is slim it'd be horribly mean of me if that was the case.. i'll talk to our friend and find out tonight.
MrsCM
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by KerriJohnS
You owe her nothing.
Im sick of deadbeats!
ITA
flyingbunny
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by shanny200
Don't get her a THING. What is wrong with people? UH. I am experiencing a similar issue with one of my 'friends ' and I'm furious about it. I spent a fortune on her engagement gift (she didn't send me a thank you), shower gift, her wedding gift, hotel, etc, and I KNOW she is not going to give us a wedding gift. My friend asked what she was giving us for our wedding and she told my friend that said she wasn't planning on getting us a gift...I can't even look at her...
She deserves NOTHING.
I know I don't understand how people can do that. like do they never feel ashamed or guilty. How can they believe it's okay??
Becca2010
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by gonzalezm3
i would get her a gift but prob not as expensive as it would have been
ITA! The sister of a good friend got married and we didn't give her a check, we gave her a frame we found on sale at the lenox outlet ($20).
Why did we do that you ask?
1-FH fixed her computer a few times and she FOUGHT with him about what she owed him and then never paid him in full anyway.
2-She showed FH a catalog of gym type clothes that she could get wholesale and then asked him for the money upfront. He paid her like $75-100 for the clothes. A month or so later, he called and they said oh that deal fell through and they never gave him the money back! Their famous line was, 'Oh we paid you, don't you remember?'
THAT'S why she got the cheezy frame. Actually in the card, FH wrote, 'Your gift is forgiveness of debt for services rendered.' HA!
I know it's not the same thing considering we don't even like these people, but there was a money issue and we still gave them a small gift.
HTH and Good Luck!
Panamasweet
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Re: friend who did not give card
I would say you did get her a gift...her hair and makeup being done for your wedding. I would talk to her about how hurt you felt. If face to face is to awkward then shoot her an email or a text
EsquireBride
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Re: friend who did not give card
Posted by christine2010
i only say you should do that because it happened at my cousins wedding, my cousin left from my parents house so my mom was so busy that morning that she forgot my cousins card at home. not on purpose but by accident. then she didn't feel comfortable mailing it & having it sit in a mailbox until she got back from her honeymoon.
This happened to us -- our close friends forgot our card at home, and they knew we were leaving for 2 weeks on our HM so they didn't mail it, because they figured they would just see us a few weeks after the wedding anyway. But they forgot to tell us this! So when we got back from the HM we opened the cards and were baffled why theirs wasn't there. We were missing one from a family member too, so we assumed that some cards were lost so we emailed our friend to let him know we thought his card was lost, and that is how we found out that it was sitting on their kitchen table still!
