Friends and Family of your FH

I know family issues tend to be a big topic on here, and I've had my share of little issues in that realm. I posted on here a while ago that one of my FH's oldest childhood friends married this witch of a woman who approached my FFIL during FFIL's 60th birthday party to tell him she wanted to set up my FH with one of her friends - while my parent's were standing right there! We think it may be that she got wind through his family (who can't keep anything to themselves) that at the time we were going through a little 'spat'. We got engaged too soon considering his circumstances (he was only legally separated from his ex at the time - now he's divorced) but now that his 'baggage' is dealt with, we are in love, happy and engaged, looking forward to our future together.

I'd love to just keep my distance from this horrible girl, but we have a wedding to go to of another one of his childhood friends in Westchester to go to in 2 weeks and b/c of the distance from home we are staying at a hotel. She will be at this wedding! I don't want to go! However, I do want to go and I want her to see us still together with my ring on my finger. How would any of you react? Please bear in mind my FFIL, FMIL, FBIL will all be there too and they all know what happened - but as you can see his family feels something toward the friends of their boy's childhoods. I thought the next time I'd see her would be when I walked down the aisle myself and I could just stick my tongue out at her on my way down. She's never seen my beautiful ring... hopefully that'll show her a bit! Okay, see I go off in the wrong direction - should I just put a smile on my face and when she says 'HI HONEY' (she's so phoney and condescending - she puts on an act that she's wealthy, but it's totally artificial) I'll just say 'hi' turn away and ignore her the rest of the evening? What if she's around us - would ignoring her make me look bad to FH's family? I know confronting her would not be appropriate considering where we'll be. Tomorrow night is the groom to be's bachelor party and FH is going. The poor husband of the 'mean lady' wants to see my FH real bad and said that they should 'talk'. FH thinks that the topic will come up. He and his father told me months ago to just get over it. I told FH tonight how I feel - that she totally disrespected me and my family and in essence put his family in a compromising situation (FH didn't see that at all) b/c his family feels something toward my parent's and now they are upset. However, FH has a huge job interview in NJ tomorrow morning so I don't think this stuff is really 'important' to him right now. He said he's looking forward to seeing his friend, doesn't care what 'mean lady' thinks, and he understands that the 4 of us will never go out to dinner together. I feel bad sometimes too b/c FH gets along FAMOUSLY with my best friend's husband. For some reason I must be a very difficult person (I tend to just think highly misunderstood - the whole living with/being engaged to a guy who was technically still married up until recently - since legal separation is not a divorce and has a kid - the fact I felt highly judged about all this didn't exactly help my relating to the women in his circle) b/c I don't seem to hit it off with very many of his friend's wives. There was one couple with a sane, intelligent lady in it - but they had to move to California! I'm a professional, educated woman and I sometimes I think that gets in the way - most of his friends married women who are the total opposite - ex. they talk and know about cooking and baking and popping out babies - but politics, business and the economy - they think are boring and there's no having 'intelligent' conversation with them. I don't mean to sound snobby, but... it gets annoying. I've always gotten along better with men than women for some reason. Any suggestions?

Re: Friends and Family of your FH

This may not be what you want to hear, but for your FH's sake, you kind of have to suck it up, at least at the wedding. Yes, this woman definitely disrespected you and in turn, does not deserve your respect, but since you will all be at a wedding together, you have to come out looking like the better person. Simply say hello to her when you see her and do your best to stay clear of her for the rest of the evening. As long as you're not seated at the same table, that shouldn't be too hard to do. Enjoy the wedding with your FH and his parents and pay her no mind. I'm guessing she's not going to go out of her way to talk to you and you should do the same. Trust me, I'm not trying to make the situation sound trivial, because I know exactly how you feel (BIL's FW is a biatch), but in the end, you can't change or control this woman, but you can control how you deal with the situation. Good luck!

Re: Friends and Family of your FH

No, that makes total sense. I know that 2 wrongs don't make things right so if I act nasty, it'll just put me in her league. I'm not sure that she won't be at our table (depending on how big the table is - if 6 to a table I'm fine b/c us and his family would take up 6 seats, but if it's an 8 or 10 person table, then she'll probably be there), that'll be somewhat hard. I asked my FH to be supportive, but he was unclear of what exactly his role should be and to be honest, I'm not sure either as to what I expect from him. I've thought about discussing my feelings with my FMIL and FBIL's girlfriend (both know what happened and FBIL's girlfriend could not believe she did that). FMIL is one of those people that just always pretends life is good even when it's not and I'm more of a 'wear my heart on my sleeve' kind of person so she may not be 'comforting'. I just thought that if I could find some way of keeping her at as much of a distance as possible I'd be better off... she also acts like she wants into my FFIL's pants for some reason (sitting on his lap, made him dinner, during a photo once with all the 'future daughter in laws' she jumped into the picture, etc.). We think she's sleeping with her boss to, but that's a whole other issue. Guess that doesn't matter at this point. What matters is that I have no idea how I'm going to force myself to do things that make me smell like a rose while she sits there acting like her 'poop doesn't stink'!