friends who don't understand *vent*

my best friend ( moh) called me the other day to talk. She said how her and my other best friend are mad at me b/c i don't see them enough and go out with them enough and that i'm turning into our other friend who basically ditched us for her boyfriend. Now i'm the first of all our friends to get married. I do try to see them, but sometimes they call me and want to go out THAT night, and i'm a planner so with little notice it gets hard. Ive tried calling them to make plans ( i'll call on a monday or tuesday) for the weekend and wont get a call back. I need notice so i know to save a little money somewhere so i can afford it. It sounds horrible, but that $50 i might spend out could go to a vendor, or a credit card. Neither one of them is in a relationship, and has never been in a serious relationship like fh and i. I understand that they want to party it up, and they want me to join, but thats not the spot i'm in anymore. Sure i love going out, but every week? I couldn't do it! I've invited them to my apartment. I call them to chat often. It's not like i'm blatantly ignoring them. I'm just upset that they think i'm not making time for them. I just don't think they understand that planning a wedding is a lot of stress...and expensive!

Does anyone else have friends who don't understand??

I have a few. One of them is a friend who I go to a LOT of concerts with, and I told him earlier this year that if I had seen the band already, I will not see them again, in order to save money. (I've seen like....400 or 500 concerts so that pretty much cuts out a LOT of bands! LOL!) He's still up my rear about going to shows this summer. He also says the whole 'well, it's only $40' thing, but I think about how that could go towards something for the wedding.
My birthday is in the summer. He and I don't exchange gifts. I had enough of his crappola and told him if he really wanted me to go to a show with him, maybe he should buy me a ticket for my birthday. That kind of made him back off for awhile.

My best friend got married a few years ago, and my closest cousin got married two years ago. Luckily, they know the hardships about it and are totally cool with cheapo hangouts. But yeah...aside from the guy friend I've mentioned above, there are a few other people who just don't understand it. Maybe pitch to them a potluck BBQ with BYOB one weekend in your yard? Keeps your costs down, since everyone will bring a bit of something, and I'm sure everyone will have a fun time.

I am actually the last of my friends to get married, and they dont understand. making me to be this stressed out b!tch. they dont remember how they were stressed and excited and talked for hours about their weddings and I listened and never rolled my eyes when they would get annoying from all the wedding talk.

I totally understand where u coming from
did u try explaining to them, as much as its a bit embarrassing your financial inability to go out and 'party it up'? how u do need notice before hand? or asked her why she never comes over to just a girls hang out?
my only advice is to explain ur situation and how its very different from what it used to be, and that ur not in the same place they are, but it doesnt mean u care any less for them or they arent important to u

not going out to bars and clubs every weekend is understandable. who wants to do that?

why not go to happy hour with them? savannah has free drinks 10-12 on fridays for chicks. thats a free night right there lol

theres soo much u can do for little or no money.
just tell them u need to save. dont say 'im savign for this weddingg!' its soo hard for people tat arent engaged, let alone not in serious relationships to understand what you're giong through.

ask them to hang out..even if its at your place. afterall.. their complaint is that they dont se u? or that u dont go out drinkign with them every weekend?

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Posted by seawedding

We have people in our lives that certainly do not understand this both on my side and on FH's. With fear of stalking that's all I'm going to say.

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LOL stalkers leave !!! LOL

on of my best friends is in a serious relationship & her bf consumes most of her time, but she also works a lot..so we dont see each other much, but we both completely understand.

my other best friend...i see all the time.. we live like, 10mins away from each other, and her and my FH went to HS together so they know each other..and she loves talking about the wedding..

however, i lost a friend over wedding drama because i dont like being asked to do things last minute..blahh

I totally understand what you are saying... my sisters friends were like that...

I had a birthday party to go to for my friend this coming saturday @ the new Beer Garden in LIC, and I was planning to attend since she mentioned it... but i since got engaged, and finding my self more strapped than usual... (the all day drinking thing would cost fi and i bit of cash... and we have his younger brother living with us every weekend and we cant go for 12 hours and leave him home) so I asked her if she would be mad if I didnt go... she said she understood, and that she would be back in the neighborhood later that night... she is one of my BM's and I knew she would understand...

And today i got a call from my landlord asking if i would watch her kids saturday so it actually works out that instead of going out spending money, i am home and gonna make some! lol

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Posted by lilpiggy742

my best friend ( moh) called me the other day to talk. She said how her and my other best friend are mad at me b/c i don't see them enough and go out with them enough and that i'm turning into our other friend who basically ditched us for her boyfriend. Now i'm the first of all our friends to get married. I do try to see them, but sometimes they call me and want to go out THAT night, and i'm a planner so with little notice it gets hard. Ive tried calling them to make plans ( i'll call on a monday or tuesday) for the weekend and wont get a call back. I need notice so i know to save a little money somewhere so i can afford it. It sounds horrible, but that $50 i might spend out could go to a vendor, or a credit card. Neither one of them is in a relationship, and has never been in a serious relationship like fh and i. I understand that they want to party it up, and they want me to join, but thats not the spot i'm in anymore. Sure i love going out, but every week? I couldn't do it! I've invited them to my apartment. I call them to chat often. It's not like i'm blatantly ignoring them. I'm just upset that they think i'm not making time for them. I just don't think they understand that planning a wedding is a lot of stress...and expensive!

Does anyone else have friends who don't understand??

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Ashley

I at them for you

I totally understand. My BFFS (& bridesmaids) are really great. When we hang out we go over each other's houses and apartments and cook dinner and it really saves a lot of money.

I have other friends; however, who drive me totally and completely crazy. They never understand that I can't hang out with them nonstop. They will text me and expect me to hang out with them in a few hours, meanwhile I am a very scheduled person. Also, they never have a set meeting place or a set thing to do. They like to just wander around on no schedule as if we are still in high school. Also they have no concept of money. I love it, they both don't work. They are just immature and I can't wait for them to grow up so they realize how people need to know things in advance and that I can't hang out with you on a moment's notice.

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Posted by jcreilly

I am sorry , Both of my 2 best friends are single and I have not see them or the three of us have not been together in mths, but I m lucky themboth know that I am really stress ( i worK 2 jobs to pay for my wedding) I remember I used to never make plans to hang out we would just call that night to make plans but that is when we where 22, now it is different they really should not be mad at you they just miss you tell them that you are sorrry but with the wedding you have a lot going on and tell them you need to make plans to hang out try to see them at least twice amth with alunch ,dinner or even go to the beach also becauseeveryone is trying to save we used to go to one girls house and make dinner talk and watch movies !

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Exactly me too..my MOH a childhood friend we get together every few months if that. She's pregnant and in a serious relationship and I'm enaged, have work and school. I'm not 20 anymore and don't do the bar/club thing, maybe on the occassion go to a bar with FH. My other friend too I see rarely and she's not in a serious relationship and never has been. She's lost a few friendships bc she doesn't understand that when you're in a serious relationship or raising a baby like her one friend is, you can't be gossiping on the phone nonstop or going out for happy hour. She doesn't understand this and sees it as their BF/Husband has taken over their life..I think she's jealous too.

I also just had a talk with my BFF last night and she was feeling down b/c she says i dont hang out with her like we use to back in the day. I had to tell her my situation has changed drastically, im engaged (trying to plan a wedding)and i also have twin boys so its hard trying to balance everything out. She feels like shes lost all of her friends b/c we all are tied down and we have kids. Eventhough we dont hang out like we use to, i still keep in touch with her so its not like im shutting her out, its just we dont see eachother everyday anymore.

I know what your going through, and they wont understand until they are in our shoes.

fh and i still love to go out with our friends and drink/party but we have def not been going out as much as we used to and some friends don't understand that we are kinda getting over that whole thing.

also, we thought about buying a house and all of our friends were like omg u can't leave the city and buy a house like an old married couple. blah blah...im like well eventually its gonna happen since we are getting married soon

thanks for all the input ladies! I'm glad i'm not the only one going through this, but you're all so right. Until they're in my shoes it's not going to hit them. I called both of them today ( neither answered but i left voicemails) so i'm hoping they'll call me back so i can talk to them. I am not trying to shut them out, i really would love to spend more time with them. I think we need to just plan things or at least say 'the last friday of every month is our girls night no excuses' I can work with them on things like that so i know to put money aside. The older you get, and the more responsibilities you have, it really becomes more of a challange to balance everything in your life. Being a grown up stinks