friendship and gender

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jan 06, 2004 03:56 PM

friendship and gender

what is everyones opinion/take/thoughts on 'significant-other' having relationships (business, friendship, etc.) with people of the opposite sex?

franksbride Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:12 PM

Re: friendship and gender

I'll be honest and say that I wouldn't like the idea of a friendly relationship with another woman...but if it were just a business relationship, I'd be more ok with that.

Lunatrek Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:15 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Some of my DH's very best friends are female and I am totally cool with it, since I am friends with them too! I trust him completely, the thought of him being disloyal to me never even enters my mind.

Sage10.03 Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:27 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Posted by Lunatrek

Some of my DH's very best friends are female and I am totally cool with it, since I am friends with them too! I trust him completely, the thought of him being disloyal to me never even enters my mind.

Same here and same sentiments! I am certainly not going to ask DH to break off the friendships he has had for years just b/c I am in the picture now.....

I just look at it like this - now I have more friends too!

btrflygrl Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:31 PM

Re: friendship and gender

I don't mind the pre-existing ones...but I just don't trust any new female friends...I've already been through 2 girls trying to steal him away and they were friends

Kelly9904 Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:33 PM

Re: friendship and gender

I also have to add that one of my best friends is male and 2 other close friends (co workers who I go out wiht often) are male. My FI has no issues with it because I tell him about it so its not like I am hiding anything and he has met one of them.

My FH has a few close GF's one I dont like and he knows why, the other I do. But I have no problem with him having female friends as long as I know where it stands!

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:33 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Posted by Sage10.03

Same here and same sentiments! I am certainly not going to ask DH to break off the friendships he has had for years just b/c I am in the picture now.....

What about new ones that he might make at work/school/etc. ?

Lunatrek Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:42 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Posted by CIMINOK

Posted by Sage10.03

Same here and same sentiments! I am certainly not going to ask DH to break off the friendships he has had for years just b/c I am in the picture now.....

What about new ones that he might make at work/school/etc. ?

Again, I have no problem with new friends. I may tease him if she's really attractive, but I know where his heart is, and it's with me! And mine with him.

Sage10.03 Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:47 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Posted by CIMINOK

Posted by Sage10.03

Same here and same sentiments! I am certainly not going to ask DH to break off the friendships he has had for years just b/c I am in the picture now.....

What about new ones that he might make at work/school/etc. ?

It honestly doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be married to him.

Obviously none of us think our FH's or DH's would ever cheat or be dishonest, but IF, in the event my DH did (God help him)....the fact is he would do it whether I voiced approval of the friendship or not.

Kelly9904 Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:48 PM

Re: friendship and gender

I actually tease him too about new girls at work! In fact, FH is pretty shy and private and we were engaged for 3 months before he told this one girl at work and actually he didnt even tell her someone else did. So I teased him that he was afraid to tell her b/c it would ruin his chances!

I have met most of the people he works with and am pretty friendly with alot of them so it doesnt bother me!

I think if suddendly he was going out all the time with a new female, and be blowing me off, I might have issues but for the most part if he meets new girls thats great....We need some new gals around!

AtticaQT Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: friendship and gender

I'm ok with work relationships with members of the opposite sex - but for friends i have stricter expectations. The friend needs to make an effort to be friendly with me too. FH has a couple of friends (girls) that he was friends with before he met me. As friendly as i have been - they have not returned the efforts. That I have a problem with - and he knows I get pissed when 'they' come up. He has tended not to speak with them as much - but I think it is only because he knows they arent making an effort to be friendly with me.

I'm not ok with my FH being friends with a woman (out of the work place) and a woman not wanting to 'deal' with me.

ETA: I trust FH completely - I just find it disrespectful if the other woman friend makes it seem as FH doesnt have a significant other.

nrvbrd Posted: Jan 06, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Well one of my closest friends is a male- DH is fine with it. All parties are totally respectful.

I will be honest and say I do NOT trust any of DH'S female friends. I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past where they have blatantly tried to be disrespectful to me. It has since scarred me.

Wendy Posted: Jan 06, 2004 05:54 PM

Re: friendship and gender

No problems with it in our house. As a matter of fact DH has one female friend tht he goes to photography shows with every year. They have been going for years because it's a share interest and they both enjoy it. I don't worry about...she has 2 little kids at home and a hubby that she adores and DH has me.

Conversely I have male friends that I talk to on the phone all the time and sometimes go to baseball games with and DH doesn't worry.

We give each other ultimate trust and it's up to each of us not to abuse it.

Robeymuse Posted: Jan 06, 2004 06:01 PM

Re: friendship and gender

FH has a few female friends that he goes out to lunch with and talks to occasionally. He hasn't spent as much time with them since I moved in but I know they are still in the picture. I trust him completely but I still would like to meet all of them. I have only spoken to a couple of them on the phone but this is just due to scheduling. We are inviting them to the wedding so I will meet them soon. FH had a life before me and I can't expect him to drop all of his friends.
FH knows I have male friends and has met most of them and is okay with it.

Xelindrya Posted: Jan 06, 2004 06:58 PM

Re: friendship and gender

We both are honest and open.
One of my very closest and dearest friends.. one I hate and love all together is not only a male but an ex. I made sure Jim was ok with that. I wasn't going to give up this friend for any man. But we had that conversation way early on in the relationship.

I have other guy friends and he has girl friends but none are anything more than aquaintances. Nothing to worry about.

So we're all ok with it. It helps that Jim and I are hardly ever apart so non-coworkers meet us as a couple not as single folks. Im extremely clear on my intentions with Jim and any woman who would cross that line would be sorry indeed.

RedHead Posted: Jan 06, 2004 07:42 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Ok well i am just going to admit my faults.... I would HATE it if my FI had female friends. He doesn't have any...which is nice for me. But I am the jealous type.
My wonderful FI...well he is the best. I have a bunch of male friends and he has gotten to be friends with all of them. My male friends will go out with my FI without me ...time to time.
My FI has never given me reason to doubt him...but boyriends of the past have...But i am trying to get over it.

julz33 Posted: Jan 06, 2004 07:44 PM

Re: friendship and gender

Old friends I don't mind, but the new ones sometimes make me jealous/suspicious. I trust him, but you never know what the girls intentions are. I think about myself making friends with guys and how ridiculous it would be for my FH to worry about them! That puts it all in perspective for me.