If some of you recall, I posted a while ago about how things weren't going well in the bedroom for DH and me.
I thought long and hard about the information you all gave me. I started to watch my looks more, I started to be more careful in how I approached things in the bedroom... so as to be considerate to how he might be feeling.
Things slowly started to get better. then, one day, he looked at me and told me, 'Damn honey, you have a beer belly!' I am not skinny, but I do not have a beer belly
That broke my heart, but I did my best to get over it and move on... work out a little bit more.
This weekend, as we were going to decorate for christmas... everything stopped and we started talking about divorce!
He was complaining about everything. I told him that he didn't seem happy being married to me. He didn't answer, so I suggested that after we pay our wedding bills off, that I would leave him to find his happiness. He said nothing.
I'm scared because I think I might be getting divorced.
I don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading. I feel better having told someone... I can't tell my family
beachbum05
Posted:
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Have you thought about counseling?
Is he not responding to you? It seems like he doesn't answer you when you make comments about divorce. Did his feelings just come out of left field??
ETA: Maybe he didn't respond because he thinks that getting divorced is a silly idea? I know that sometimes when my fiance doesn't answer me when I make comments like 'Well, I think I've put on some pounds' its because he thinks I'm being ridiculous and I look fine the way I am. maybe that's why he isn't responding?
XFINALLYX
Posted:
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Re: From Bad to Worse
wow honestly.. if he is saying these things to you, he is NOT worth your time.. he's gonna end up ruining your self esteem FOR GOOD if you stay with him or if he doesnt change. to say you have a beer belly, is just flat out rude. only I am allowed to call myself fat or anything like that so if anyone says anything to me, i flip out. so i understand where you're coming from. were things good before you got married??
MnM52607
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Aw, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. Try and work things out together. It's a huge adjustment. I hope everything works out for you.
Kerrycec
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Re: From Bad to Worse
I'm so sorry you are going through this but have you tried counseling? Before you bring up divorce, check out counseling because call me old fashion, but don't quit until you've tried everything.
happygirl07
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Re: From Bad to Worse
You said things started getting better for a bit. How did that once again change for the worst?
Have you tried speaking to him? I know you mentioned to him about the divorce, but what else have you guys spoken about? Did you mention that you were hurt by his comment about the belly?
I know you were his first, but I'm curious to know how things were $exually before you guys got married.
sadNEWwife
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Re: From Bad to Worse
I'm not planning to quit, but it really does take the wind out of your sails when your new husband is ok with talk of divorce.
I'll start looking into couselors. Granted, I've heard that the first year is the hardest. This just hurts real bad, right now.
sadNEWwife
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Posted by happygirl07
I know you were his first, but I'm curious to know how things were $exually before you guys got married.
Before we got married, I couldn't get him off of me. The only problem before was TECHNIQUE. I was no where near liking his technique. He was like a teenaged boy... always in a rush (now what I mean), so I didn't always have time to relax, much less to reach (you know what).
rachie
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Re: From Bad to Worse
I have a question you are married already? it says you are supposed to get married 01/2007
Mooshyboo
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Re: From Bad to Worse
awww sweetie
This really stinks ~ maybe try counseling? or try to find out what the deal is? have you sat him down and had a long talk? find out what is going on in his head ~ 'communication' is key....
Good Luck!
sadNEWwife
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Posted by rachie
I have a question you are married already? it says you are supposed to get married 01/2007
Sorry... I posted that info in the first thread. I'm a regular LIW bride, I created this new id to be anonymous. This is something I'd like help with, but I'd also like to keep private...if that makes sense.
XFINALLYX
Posted:
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Re: From Bad to Worse
i dont understand how some may think this is appropriate? what hes doing is emotionally abusing her. try counseling but im telling you, if all else fails, get out! sorry to be harsh
1908love1911
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Conseling, or speaking with a religous leader should be your first step! Don't give up on your love and your marriage, the first years of marriage are always the hardest (so I hear, and will soon find out) but hang in there. He may be going through his own issues right now, and he maybe he just doesn't know how to express them to you. Talking with a professional will work, only if both parties are open to the idea! I pray that all works out for you and that you find happiness in life.
hunnybunnyxoxo
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Posted by XFINALLYX
wow honestly.. if he is saying these things to you, he is NOT worth your time.. he's gonna end up ruining your self esteem FOR GOOD if you stay with him or if he doesnt change. to say you have a beer belly, is just flat out rude. only I am allowed to call myself fat or anything like that so if anyone says anything to me, i flip out. so i understand where you're coming from. were things good before you got married??
i agree!! your self esteem will be shot!! i am sorry to hear about this!! i feel horrible!! i hope everything is ok. feel better!!! noone should have to go through this..
Bridex100
Posted:
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Re: From Bad to Worse
How long have you guys been married?
Did you date for a long time before you got engaged?
I don't think you should call it quits yet.
However, if it isn't meant to be, maybe you should get divorced sooner than later...
neener1211
Posted:
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Re: From Bad to Worse
I would definitly go talk to a counselor, because we are not counselors on here, and a professional might be able to help. I would just exhaust every possible avenue before you both decide on divorce. So that IF you have to get a divorce, you will know that you tried everything to make it work. Good luck hun!
billandme
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Posted by happygirl07
I know you were his first, but I'm curious to know how things were $exually before you guys got married.
This is happening to a couple that I know right now. They got married in May 06 and he'd had intimate relations before but she hadn't....he was her first. They waited until their wedding night.......
Well, to make a long story short.....she totally regretted waiting.....they aren't sexually compatable at all and they are going through the same thing you are right now............they also have talked divorce but are giving couselling a chance first. They start this month.
Here are some hugs..... I hope it all works out for you........We're all here if you need us!
MnM52607
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Posted by XFINALLYX
i dont understand how some may think this is appropriate? what hes doing is emotionally abusing her. try counseling but im telling you, if all else fails, get out! sorry to be harsh
To me, it doesn't sound like he's abusing her. It sounds like he is a guy and doesn't realize that most women have issues about their looks. I am sure he doesn't even realize that she was hurt by it.
I think you two definitely need to talk this out. If you feel that you aren't getting through to each other one on one, then talk to a therapist. I agree with what someone else also said, Maybe he didn't say anything because he thought you were being 'silly' for even suggesting it.
Bridex100
Posted:
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Re: From Bad to Worse
I think it's natural for bedroom activity to slow down.
Do you have a good time with him besides in the bedroom?
I like just being with FH. We cuddle, eat, laugh, watch tv...
You can spice up bedroom activity with sexy new lingerie, more touching, making out...increase in oral sex. I don't think any guy can NOT get turned on with that.
sadNEWwife
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Re: From Bad to Worse
Posted by Bridex100 You can spice up bedroom activity with sexy new lingerie, more touching, making out...increase in oral sex. I don't think any guy can NOT get turned on with that.
It's not that he's not turned on in the bedroom... I'm the one who doesn't care for his approach. He's almost always ready to go. That was part of my original problem: he wanted 'to go' right away and wasn't giving me time to catch up to his level of 'readiness'.
I seriously worked on helping him slow down a little so I could enjoy it right along with him. It was slowly starting to work. he was taking a little more time.
As far as counseling goes: our work situation just changed. This means that I have to be put on his insurance. I text messaged him today and he's bringing home the paperwork tonight. This will just make it smoother for us to be covered with insurance for counseling.
If I understood what he told me, I'll be covered in two weeks. So I'm going to start looking for a counselor.
